Finally, like Cece Peniston

This morning I woke up before the alarm went off. But not in an annoying way -- more like my body just got done sleep so I arose. MelRo was awake too, so we stayed in bed for awhile talking and shtuff. Between last night and this morning, I feel like it's the weekend and I'm completely confused as to why I'm at work. Then Li__ called in sick this morning, so I've been doing phones and such. I was also extremely productive and mailed off lots of bills today. I then had lunch with Damon where I deconstructed his life over fried chicken. Well, not exactly. But he's still trying to figure out what up with him and this girl. I'm like, this has been going on for two freaking years, man. You need to either move on and be just friends, or be direct and upfront. At this point nothing is going to "just happen". The only time "just happens" is in the beginning when folks are still trying to figure out how they feel. Just be upfront and direct. There will probably be no "accidental kiss" after 2 years.

I haven't gotten an e-mail from my parents. My new song I'm humming is "my parents suck and I hate them....la la la....." I guess it's not that new. Let me also explain for a second why I'm frustrated. I don't even care that much if they're scared/freaked out/grossed out/disgusted/frustrated by me and my tranny life. I mean, yes, I care, but that's not what upsets me. What upsets me is that they aren't being upfront. I wish they would just fucking say "we don't want to see you" rather than just ignore me. I'm tempted to write an e-mail saying "since I didn't hear from you, I went ahead and made other thanksgiving plans", but then they'd get all hurt and mad like they always do when I assert myself. So instead I"m going to play the sad reactionary card. So if(when?) they say that I'm welcome to join them for thsnkgiving, I'll be like "oh, I wish you had told me earlier. I didn't hear from you, so I assumed you didn't want me to come, so I took someone else up on their offer," and then be all sad about their rejection of me. In other words, call them on their shit (i.e. silence). They get so weird about me being direct, but I refuse to "drop hints" or sit around waiting for them. So I'll just be direct about the other things in my life I can control, and then just react to whatever it is they throw at me based on my other life decisions. I no longer have the energy to instigate conversations/situations with them. So in conclusion....they suck. And that's my professional opinion. And yes, I'm happy to express such anger at them. And no, I don't feel this way permanently or constantly. And yes, I am allowed to have standards for them. And no, I'm not going to give them any more free passes when they don't meet these standards. Hell, the standards are hella smaller than my standards for everyone else in my life.

Hmm. That was an unexpected rant.
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(no subject)

I haven't listened to the radio at work in more than 2 months. Here are songs I've heard today:

112 -- Peaches and Cream
Carl Thomas and Faith Evans -- Emotional remix
What It Is -- Busta Rhymes and Kelis
Bad Boy for Life -- Sean Combs
Still D.R.E. -- Dr. Dre and Eminem
We Need a Resolution -- Aaliyah
Fallin -- alycia keys

Ok, I heard a couple "new" songs too, including my Mary J. Blige song. But for the most part, it's the EXACT same stuff that was playing this summer. I'm having flashbacks here. But did I ever change the channel? No.

Had a pretty productive work day. Pleadings in order. Inboxes (I have three) no longer overlowing.

Damn, they just started playing No Scrubs. I'm suddenly remembering the story MelRo told about driving through Pennsylvania and listening to the Lady Marmalade remake and the radio station cut out the Lil Kim verse. I guess she was too black for western Pennsylvania. Where, incidentally, I remember seeing several barns decorated with confederate flags. Hello -- where's the fcking Mason-Dixon line? You get double ignorance points for that.

Which reminds me of an incident last weekend, with MelRo's friend who was in town. I was flipping through the channels and passed by MTV2 playing Lil Jon and the East Side Boyz (eastside of Atlanta, thankyouverymuch) and their booty song "Bia Bia". In the video, Lil Jon is wearing a t-shirt with the confederate flag, and have a couple draped around in the background. Her friend was like "wow - that's weird. why are they wearing that....?" and I summed it up brilliantly. "Um...they're Southern."
Wha?
I might have added something about them reclaiming the image, or more accurately, I might have mumbled something about it.
Maybe you had to be there. It was sorta funny. But then again, I crack myself up.

I'm feeling wholly and completely inarticulate. This is what happens when one works too hard at the job -- it takes away brain power that would normally be devoted to shirking activities.

Or maybe rap music is making me stupid. That's what they tell me, after all.

I'm going home soon.