How's the weather, whether or not we're together.

All's quiet on the southeastern Loop front. I guess only 2 folks are out, but it seems like half the office. Though the downtown arena as a whole seems much quieter. I'm planning on taking a nice somewhat-lengthy lunch that includes buying pants, and possibly sweaters. Desperately needed and past due, really.

The doctor's appointment yesterday went fine -- no clothing removal, which was nice. I also learned that anything remotely gynecologically related will have to be done by another doctor. Which is annoying. But good. But annoying. But good. I think I'll go back to the doctor I saw in September of last year, who was nice and cool about the trans stuff. The good news will be that she's covered by my insurance. But that doesn't have to happen anytime soon.....

I slept last night for a very long time....I went to bed around 10 pm, and fell asleep soon after. This morning I seem to be in much better spirits. Perhaps video game therapy last night helped some, too.

The office is closing at 3:30 pm today, so I'm thinking about cancelling therapy so I won't have to go home then go out again. Hmm. I guess I should call now, if I want to do that. Am I giving into avoidance?

Is that "One Minute Man"?

What is this, buttercream?

freakysparks was kind enough to take time and escort me through the store and consult my sweater buying. I might not have had the courage to buy that fitted turtleneck fag sweater had she not been there to compliment the color and help me judge the sizing -- I sometimes lose confidence while shopping because I can't deal with things not fitting and making me look unattractive. My dear old friend, body issues. Which is partly why I was horrified when my doctor made a joke yesterday about it's good that I skipped lunch so they could get an accurate cholesterol count and "that will help with the weight loss". Excuse me, but could we not have the medical profession encouraging anorexia among those with pre-existing body issues, namely queer and/or trans folks? thanks. Anyway, the shopping trip was a success, and I finally got around to using that birthday money my parents sent me in June. I mean, the actualy money they sent is long gone, but it was used for such things as the electric bill and a plane ticket to Vermont, because of my budgeting problems. But I feel compelled to rationalize things. And now I'll look all snazzy for the holidays.

I ate my pot pie at like 10:30 because I was so hungry. Then I decided to not eat an official lunch, since Sparky was kind enough to bring me a Krispey Kreme doughnut! Yum. Then my co-worker brought in this tray of sugar cookies -- the big doughy kind that are soft and almost underdone, and they had icing on top with red and green sprinkles. I ate one and nearly went into sugar shock. But I'm ok now.

Also, I did cancel my therapy appointment and rescheduled for Tuesday.
Note to self.
Don't forget.
Thanks,
Self.

I've been wholly unproductive today. Big surprise. And in an hour and half I'm going home. It will still be daylight -- that makes me very chipper.

I had dreams last night about my UPs package coming today. Then I got to work this morning, and it was sitting in my chair. It's not really psychic, since it must have gotten delivered yesterday after I left for the doctor. And I have been tracking the package, so I knew it would come soon. It was more just annoying to spend my dream time on something so inane.

Anyway, in general I'm still feeling sad, but I'm just not paralyzed or beating myself up about things. Like I'm experiencing sadness in manageable quantities. How unique.

But I am not a unique and beautiful snowflake.

And I am not my fcking khakis.

Though I still like the new pair I purchased today.


P.S. I e-mailed my parents the photo from the previous entry.

I'm leavin', this time it's for good.

By the time I finish this post, close out of e-mail and shut down my computer, it will be 3:30 pm and I will make an exit, stage rear.

Any attempts to convey celebration into words will seem lame and ill-fitted. Let's just say, I'm quite pleased to be getting the hell outta Dodge.

fyi, I will be on an early morning flight from Chicago --> Philadelphia on U.S. Airways, should anything tragic occur.