you're the best one that we've ever had

1. Last night I didn't sleep so well, methinks. Lots o' teeth-grinding and feeling trapped and tied down -- mostly by blankets twisted around my legs or pajama bottoms tangled up. It's also getting very cold here, which to be honest makes me excited. And not just because I have a snazzy coat. I just like winter a lot.

2. Today I'm working the help desk. And trying valiently to stay productive.

3. Tonight Damon's coming over to watch "Office Killer". And I just got an e-mail from the infamous John of the margarita venture (date) several weeks ago asking if I would like to re-create the margarita extravaganza. I think I will invite him over to watch the movie. I also think I might not be as interested in him as anything but a buddy. Or at least not anytime soon. I'm not feeling terribly confident about my self and my body right now, so that's usually not a good time to try something new and risk-taking. My feelings actually have nothing to do with straight-up body esteem issues -- it's just that I'm overall feeling sad and introverted, because of family and holiday stuff and nostalgia and whatnot, so usually my feelings of sexual forwardness and confidence are the first to go (since they have the shakiest foundation) in a situation of withdrawl. This is not to say I'm feeling completely horrible or anything, because I'm not -- I'm just not necessarily in the best position for bravado.
So anyway, yeah.
Watching a horror movie starring Carol Kane and directed by Cindy Sherman. Yes, your dreams have come true.

4. I want to buy some poinsettias for the apartment. And string up some lights. But part of me feels compelled to wait until December 1st. Why 2 days makes a difference, I don't know.

5. I'm feeling particularly stressed about the condition of the apartment. Call it fengshui, but it's causing me anxiety. I feel blocked in and aggravated by the constant presence of improperly placed stuff and the need for cleaning and straightening. And that futon frame MUST go soon -- I feel like I'm in prison when I'm in the kitchen cooking or washing dishes. Maybe that's why I've been listening to Shyne so much on the kitchen stereo. I'm tempted to just put it back on the porch and suffer the consequences later. I also need to do laundry, straighten my music area, and get rid of all the gddamn junk mail floating around the living room/foyer area, and vacuum. But I guess I won't be doing those things tonight since people are coming over. Maybe that's how I'll spend my Friday evening though. It would save money, I suppose.

6. I'm having an allergy attack right now. Too much sneezing.

not your mother's Siddhartha

{removing the journal-ness and turning to the audience, breaking down the fourth wall}

So, I'm interested in reading a book on Buddhism. I want something that's mostly philosophical and spiritual, but has good historical backing. Nothing to New Age-y or Western, but also fairly readable. Or hell, even a good translation of original texts would possibly suffice.

Anyone have recommendations? Either specific titles or specific writers? Also any books/writers to avoid would be helpful, too. I'm obviously trying to avoid the Complete Idiot's Guide and For Dummies series. I'm not THAT hard up for information, and I'm hopefully past them anyway.

{I am now resuming my regular attempt to journal while pretending that people aren't reading this. Or something.}

code red mountain dew

So I will attempt an inventory of my music collection -- it will come in handy later anyway when I begin composing and sampling. I'm not sure how long it will take, since I think the best way to complete the process would be to type the entire list into an ongoing word processing document using someone's wonderful laptop. But seeing as she's in law school, I can't exactly demand her to hand it over at any time. And I think I will include CD's, vinyl, and tapes. And you all failed because you didn't put the correct answer -- I will store the list on my (lack of) website, so it's readily accessible and able to be edited anywhere. Though I will probably have it on disk as well. And maybe if you're lucky, it will be incorporated into the world longest lj post.

I have to do work. But I feel paralyzed. The next step is to make a detailed list of all the thing I need to do at work. But I feel compelled to complete a couple tasks before I do that -- how weird is that. At least it Thursday. And almost over. Though at this stage, it's not really helping to have time pass, because it's just causing further delay in getting certain tasks done. And guess what Saturday is? My 2 year mark. Which means review time. Ugh. Though it probably won't happen until January. Ugh.

Oh, I got a nice e-mail from a reporter at SOHH.com who sent me the press release about the conference. It included a phone number to call for more information. So I called it. And this is how it went:

Me: (dialing number. listening to it ring.)
Them: hello.
Me: (thinking, did I call a residence?) uhhh.....I'm calling about the hip hop conference?
Them: oh. yeah. we're just taking pre-registration now.
Me: ok?
Them: So we'll e-mail out more info later. Hold on.
[15 seconds passes]
Them 2 (new person): hello?
Me: uhh....hi, I'm calling about the hip hop conference?
Them 2: yeah! pre-registration? let me get your name. hold on.
[15 seconds passes]
Them 2: ok.
Me: (gives first and last name, spelling both, despite them not being hard)
Them 2: (making noise like papers shifting)
[click. call disconnected.]
Me: (dialing number. getting voicemail. hanging up. waiting 5 minutes. calling number. getting voicemail. this time I listen to the message.]
Them 3 (voicemail): Hi. All of our lines are currently busy. Please feel free to call back at a later time, or a leave a message after the tone. Beep.
Me: (Leaving my name and number and e-mail address.)

Ok, people, can we get it together please? This conference is supposed to be all business-oriented, with no parties, and 25,000 expected participants, so can we have a semblance of professionalism? Thanks. If you issue a press release, you can expect phone calls. And shouldn't the organization have a name or something? Aren't we trying to fight the image that hip hop is the stepchild of the music world?? Thanks for your help in the matter.

I think I've had too much caffeine. I'm shaking like a mthafcker. Time to replace those pocket parts!!