waking life

I am now obsessed with lucid dreaming.

And for some reason, writing that word made me flash back to a bizarre memory of being in wearemany's room in an apartment from our previous lifetime and typing something on her little mac (perhaps the Miss America letter?) and her saying "i love making heading phrases 'bold, italics, underline'. i want to make everything in 'bold italics underline'." and I agreed. A strange memory to not only have but also to suddenly conjure up accidentally.

I already knew I loved my dreams and dream-thinking. But now there's the possibility of control and awareness and deeper levels of appreciation and new levels of consciousness, and I can taste the possibility which has so much excitement, how could I not at least try?

So I finally redeemed my parents gift certificate to me, which included my Presto multi-cooker, the game Encore, the video Best In Show, and now a book entitled "Tibetan Yogas of Dream and Sleep". I also want "Exploring the World of Lucid Dreaming". I tried to get both books from Borders (to use a gift card -- in general I shop primarily at independents), but most stores were out of them. I decided to only order one book online (delayed gratification), and try to find the other today on my lunch hour or after work (instant gratification). Phone calls must be made. I need a fix now.

And so goes my typical obsession-behavior.

This feels a little different. It's not just plain ole movie-obsession. This seems to have the potential in uniting previous interests with curiosities and desires for something new. I could conceivably unite my current search for new spiritualities and meditation activities with this new idea of lucid dreaming, which is building off and existing life-long interest in my dreams and dream interpretation. I'm also better researched -- I'm not going to fall off by getting the quickest, easiest or cheapest information solely because I need instant gratification. I've been down that road before, and I end up owning or spending time on mediocrity. And I'm only going to get 2 books -- not 5 books, two magazines, 8 articles, and 20 websites. If I get too overwhelmed, I'll give up. So only two books -- one more science-y and how-to, and one more spiritual and historical.

I'm not a player, I just fck a lot.

The radio is playing Big Pun and going old school. If by "old school" I mean something that doesn't match the true definition of the phrase and I'm just trying to sound cool. In reality, the radio is playing a joint from 3 years ago. But the point is, I like this song. Or at least the remix version. And even though he says "crush a lot".

I decided to e-mail my ex and tell her about the funny coincidence involving Myles's parents house. I don't think I've e-mailed her since September, since I've had little to say. I'm happy this time I had something concrete to communicate and give purpose to my correspondence. It didn't feel as awkward or contrived. I hope she'll appreciate the humor of the story -- there's a possibility she won't even remember anything. But whatever.

Sparky is coming over tonight to help me eat leftover turkey and watch Kim Cattrall. I also bought garbage bags and I may take down the tree. I don't usually like to hurry and take down xmas decorations the day after, but it's just sad and dying and needs a proper burial. O tannenaum, my name is Antigone.

I'm so weird. But at least I entertain myself. Who else can I guarantee will do that? Well, several people in reality. Just maybe not this second in my empty office.

I get to go home soon.