smoking cigarettes and coffee loudly

I don't really have anything to write about, but I felt compelled to open the window anyway, since I had a few minutes at work to shirk.

Yesterday I gave into temptation and bought a 2-CD 'best of' from Instinct Records' "This is Acid Jazz" series. This is a genre of music that I spontaneously decided to learn about my sophmore year in college. I can't remember at all what cause me to choose it, other than I was trying to format a radio show and needed an area of music that's received little or no commercial airplay. Perhaps I was also looking for a lesser known subset of jazz, since I knew I couldn't compete with the geeks/geniuses who produced the jazz programming. I basically went online and read everything I could get a hold of in the form of music and band reviews, as well as "brief history" of the genre. I also learned which labels to avoid (specifically, most bands on the "Acid Jazz" label are NOT really acid jazz), and which areas of Europe produced which sound (I'm partial to portuguese sounds). I also prefer bands that tend to have more of a "neo-funk" sound, if you will, and less of the "smooth jazz" restaurant vibe.

It's one of the few areas of music interest in my life that I share with NO one. Not that people hate it, but I don't know anyone who likes it and knows it and could talk shop about it. Though strangely enough, DJ Pussy Galore mentioned an artist when we were talking a few weeks ago. Almost out of the blue, she was like "have you heard of Jhelisa?" and I nearly fell over. But that was the only artist she knew of, and had heard of it through a friend. So I couldn't really ask her if she thought the James Taylor Quartet were quasi-hacks or just enjoyable mediocrity. Or if she preferred experimental Brooklyn Funk Essentials or their more basic style. Or if she prefers New York groups to London groups, and why does everyone else get the shaft and labelled 'world music' just cause they sing in spanish?

But strangely enough, I don't feel particularly compelled to seek out these conversations either. I'm sure it'd be pretty easy for me to join a listserv or find a bulletin board. For the most part I'm fine without it. I'll just keep on surfing the used bins for the occasional compilation album since I don't typically throw down for imports.

Maybe I'll just make a mixtape for myself. I haven't done that in a long time -- I'm so busy giving them away.

kiss me and i'll kiss you back.

So I just clicked over here and read an entry from almost exactly a year ago, where I'm freaking out about the thought of living with limenal.

My confidence in that post scares me. I mean, granted we ARE living together one year later and it's going great, but still, my past self seems deluded or something. I also think it's funny that I referred to MelRo as "Lanie", though it was in the height of dual names -- there were more friends around who called her that (like her roommate), plus preparing to meet her family. Nowadays I have about 20 names for her, and Melanie and Lanie are pretty much the bottom two. Sometimes I don't even think of a name when I think of her. It's more of an impression, an imprint, an emotion. This is starting to sound all sappy. But it's true. She's just.....her. Ye Of Multiple Appellations.

It's also think that it's funny I probably would have gotten hitched at the drive-thru chapel if I had surprised her in Vegas last New Year's. But nowadays I can't commit to proper set of kitchen pans. Or curtains. Which is not to say I don't love her dearly, or my life with her. It's just the longer we're together, the more real it seems, the more complicated things are, the more fears pop up. Sure, the honeymoon phase is a horrible time to make long-standing commitments to a potential partner. But it's also the easiest.

It hasn't even been a year and a half. It hasn't been that long, compared to my entire existence on this earth. But I don't really remember much of who I am before her. And even if she's not actively in every specific scenario or daydream I have for my future, she's present. Just like she's present right now while I'm at work. Or present in this entry. Can I capture that? Can I make sure that when I re-read this I'll know?

Probably not. But self, you better believe it was true.