queer musicians

cuedus is the one who asked me, so here you go: a list of queer musicians. I'm sure I've forgotten some big obvious ones, as well as some lesser known ones, especially since I just did this pretty much off the top of my head, so feel free to add some in the comments.

( click here for the list )

Maxine, he gonna kill me!

Yesterday while waiting in the hallway by the bathroom, I examined my key ring for the first time in awhile, and started to break down it's history. I have one main large ring with all the keys on them, which are as follows, in order:

*The mailbox key
*The key to the club in MelRo's car
*MelRo's car key that doesn't work (a copy of a copy)
*The key for the outside doors of the apartment building
*The key to the apartment locks
*The keys to my parents' house. Which will be obsolete in 5 days. I've carried these keys around since middle school, so I could let myself in the house after the bus dropped me off and my mom wasn't around. I used these keys all through high school. Sometimes at nights when I went out and my parents went to bed, they would leave the deadbolt open and only lock the knob -- this actually annoyed me because I would fumble longer at the door at 2 am, since I was in the habit of opening both locks. These are the keys I had when I surprised my parents by showing up in atlanta one weekend with two friends. We arrived at 10 am and both of them had gone to work already, so I was able to let us in to take naps after driving all night. We later left to go get tattoos.
*The key to the Feminist Bookstore. I held onto thinking I might still work there occasionally. That hasn't really happened.
*The key to my guitar case. A birthday gift from my parents. I believe when I was 16, though possibly 15.
*Office keys. Outside doors, inner office doors, men's room key. I made the switch the day after my first shot of hormones.
*A rainbow cloth bracelet that says WWJD purchased in a Georgia truck stop during the trip to Atlanta mentioned above. I liked the idea of what a gay jesus would do. But my friend Jenny informed me that the bracelet acutally means what would jenny do? so I had to wear it at all times. I compromised and put it on my key ring instead. I wonder if she remember that or knows I still have it.
*A large metal keyring that had charm from the santa barbara mission before it broke off. Those cheap catholic tchochkies! Now I use this ring for MelRo's car key when I borrow the car.
*A keychain compass with a penny charm.
The penny has a star punched through, and was attached to this bookmark with some cheesy thank you poem. It was a gift from the star of Hello Dolly, the show I stage managed in high school. She was a longtime member of the church, I fell in love with her when I was 8 and I saw the musical Oliver, and I joined the choir in high school so I could sing next to her. It was basically a small trinket of gratitude for this huge accomplishment that at the time I was too bashful to admit the experience meant something to me -- but looking back, there were few times I've been more proud.
The compass has long since been not useful. Approximately a few weeks after putting it on my ring in the summer of 1995, the metal demagnetized the needle to it no longer pointed north. After years of carry it in my pocket, the face is so scratched up I can't even read the face. The green REI print has long worn off as well. But I can't take it off. It was a graduation gift from some influential folks who intended it as a reminder of which direction I should always be facing and to keep myself oriented at all times. I'm not sure what they would think of my life now. And perhaps it doesn't quite match what they imagined for me. But it's an important reminder to me that I always face MY true direction.

I'm not sure what to do with the keys to the old house. It seems silly to hold on to them, especially since I'm sure the new owners will change the locks. But I can't quite do anything yet, so I'll just hold on to them a bit longer and revisit this later.

I wish it were Friday. I'm ready for the weekend. I'm ready to go out on a date, too. I just hope that special person will ask me....

Y'all don't hear me, y'all don't feel me.

I'm obsessed with Bulletproof Wallets today. I liked the album already, but now I'm completely infatuated. And listening to it for the third today, though the second time was on a very low volume I could barely hear. Now I've boosted it a bit more so I can actually hear the words.

The review lunch went really well. I actually felt it was productive, and we had some nice non-work chats. And some nice non-related-to-me work chats. And, and, and. I'm getting some nice money. Partly cost-of-living, party merit, partly an attempt to unify the pay for the general position across the board. (Which ends up adding to a nice chunk.) AND, it's retroactive to my start date in December, not the February end-of-salary freeze date.

Between my new fancy business cards and the extra cash, they're unintentionally throwing a wrench in my future career plans. I mean, not that I had this super detailed itinerary laid out, but still. I should remember all those days of feeling stilted and stifled and etc. etc. BUT, I did get encouraged to participate more in activities that interested in me, and to "keep the fires stoked" so to speak, and keep my motivation and morale high. So who knows. At this point, I'm going to see how things stand after the summer, since I'll hopefully get a lot done while having interns around. And I'll be a bit more fiscally stable since I'll have paid down some debt with the pay raise, and my insurance deductibles will have hopefully kicked in and I won't be paying my medical bills anymore.

You know, it's not a bad job. It really isn't. I'm just not necessarily suited for a 9 to 5. However, I don't think I'm quite ready for the alternative either. I need a bit more preparation. I need to finish my course. I need to actually composing finished music pieces and making them good. And that will come with time, and will be negatively impacted if I'm obsessed and worried about money the whole time. It's the catch-22. Having a 9 to 5 wears me out, making it hard to find time to work on the side, but I have more financial freedom to work on the side.

For now, I'll stay in this transition period. It doesn't have to be purgatory. It can just be transition