Boyband? Yes. American Idol? No.

A rescheduled dinner plan meant I could harass vfc into allowing me to watch American Idol and other quality television programs with her in her well air-conditioned apartment. And yes, objectively, I can say it was pretty damn messy, but subjectively speaking, I'm not sure I would have necessarily noticed. What does that say about me?

I got unintentionally drunk on Sunny Delight and vodka -- not smashed or anything, but definitely a step passed buzzed. I spent most of the time watching tv either enjoying the commentary of my couch companion, or imagining what the people would be like in bed. With the exception of the Pet Psychic -- I had no sexual thoughts about her, probably only because I was too fixated on her makeup and face. Anyway, here were my decisions as of last night:

From American Idol:
Simon -- bad. though I'd still probably do it.
Paula -- bad. she seems rather wholesome and boring, sexually speaking
Randy -- hella good. though probably pretty vanilla and straight.

From Dinner for Five:
Dwight -- good, though I wouldn't do it anyway
Adam -- okay. probably funny, but techiniques would be lacking
Jennifer & Seth -- no opinion.
Jon -- yes, please. anytime, anyplace, and often. I thought of him the most

From episode of Oprah (I watched this after we got home):
Oprah -- I just couldn't picture her at all for some reason. This didn't use to be the case, but whatever.
Dr. Phil -- good. I would do it with Phil in a heartbeat. I'm sure this is grossing out many of the readers out there, with a few exceptions, but take my word for it -- I bet he's amazing in bed.

Also, I think Liza had a good idea for the next American Idol being focused on singer-songwriters. I'd be willing to lay down a backing track for her John Hughes song that would sound better than the canned music they currently have. And I wouldn't show up for the performance either, but instead stay at home hitting redial to vote for her.

I'm very sleepy this morning, but working on the brief will keep me awake I'm sure. And soon, a fabulous lunch with Myles.

I wouldn't mind her mouth on me.

Someone recently described my taste in men as "weird and/or gross types", and I admit that my recent confession to thinking about Dr. Phil lends support to that argument, but let me also clarify, that my impure thoughts of Oprah's Tuesday guest are not a constant -- it's more that last night he was looking good to me for some strange reason.

Also, I think I'm just more vocal about my interest in weird or "gross" guys because most people don't acknowledge sexual interest in them. But I do have my interest in more "standard" male beauty, too. Guys I wouldn't mind in my bed include some usual suspects: Edward Norton, John Corbett, DMX, Luke Wilson, Method Man, Ewan MacGregor, Jet Li, Robert Downey Jr., Johnny Depp, etc. etc.

But maybe I just think it's boring to talk about the folks that half the world wants to fck. I'd rather talk about the eroticism of folks who most people (general population) don't want to think about as sexual. That was probably the inital allure with my fascination with Martha Stewart -- five years ago, no one could picture her as anything but some strange new england whitebread overachieving craftmaker, where I was all about bending her over in the garden. I almost get resentful when someone "ugly sexy" (a phrase I don't ever actually use because I hate that word) or alterna-sexy breaks through into mainstream audience as suddenly 'sexy' -- sure I'm happy that Tony Soprano made James Gandolfini into a sex symbol, but some folks had mad love for big guys already.

I feel like I'm launching into some tirade but I'm not sure how I got on the topic. I guess I was thinking that my eye for men comes from such a weird place, since I'm statistically more attracted to different types of women, and my idea of masculine sexyness comes from a strange combination of fag lust and older women sensibilities. Seriously. Because you know some of those housewives sit at home imagining Dr. Phil is there husband when the lights are out.