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Oct. 14th, 2002
Once More with Feeling
Oct. 14th, 2002 02:08 pmI'll try again. I'm reluctant to write about anything "real" because it will seem overblown. I guess I could write some more pop culture goodness but I feel I've overdone that lately in my inability to write about anything "real" (see above).
What exactly consitutes a drinking problem? Is it only excess, or is it also misuse? I certainly don't fall into the category of excess, but I might be dabbling in the latter. I haven't quite definite misuse yet -- who knows. Maybe I'm just finally using drunkeness like every other red-blooded American -- temporary coping strategy and avoidance! I'm drunk right now! Wait, no I'm not.
I've had a rather low libido lately. Though occasionally I've been fixated more on men. For some reason this scares me. Well, not some reason -- maybe just not obvious reasons. It's not so much I'm scared of the act itself (unless by scared I mean turned on, which I don't. Even though that's true too). It's more that I'm inordinately scared that for some reason I'm "really gay" and by acknowledging more and more my attraction to guys I'm somehow thereby losing attraction to women. I need some help from some bisexual people in the house. Gold star queers and straights are of no help to me now. Neither are people with fixed attractions. Now, don't get me wrong -- I wouldn't see anything inherently wrong with discovering that I'm primarily attracted to men and changing my identity to gay. Though this would throw a wrench in a lot of my personal experience and identity, as well as, oh I don't know, my current relationship with a woman. But there I go getting way ahead of myself again -- how many successful dating and/or sexual relationships have I had with guys? Zero. Maybe I should test drive the vehicle a lot more before even worrying about the pressure to buy.
( where Raybear moves out of his mind and into the day's events )
What exactly consitutes a drinking problem? Is it only excess, or is it also misuse? I certainly don't fall into the category of excess, but I might be dabbling in the latter. I haven't quite definite misuse yet -- who knows. Maybe I'm just finally using drunkeness like every other red-blooded American -- temporary coping strategy and avoidance! I'm drunk right now! Wait, no I'm not.
I've had a rather low libido lately. Though occasionally I've been fixated more on men. For some reason this scares me. Well, not some reason -- maybe just not obvious reasons. It's not so much I'm scared of the act itself (unless by scared I mean turned on, which I don't. Even though that's true too). It's more that I'm inordinately scared that for some reason I'm "really gay" and by acknowledging more and more my attraction to guys I'm somehow thereby losing attraction to women. I need some help from some bisexual people in the house. Gold star queers and straights are of no help to me now. Neither are people with fixed attractions. Now, don't get me wrong -- I wouldn't see anything inherently wrong with discovering that I'm primarily attracted to men and changing my identity to gay. Though this would throw a wrench in a lot of my personal experience and identity, as well as, oh I don't know, my current relationship with a woman. But there I go getting way ahead of myself again -- how many successful dating and/or sexual relationships have I had with guys? Zero. Maybe I should test drive the vehicle a lot more before even worrying about the pressure to buy.
( where Raybear moves out of his mind and into the day's events )
