Oh bloody hell.

Gaybear? So simple yet so hilarious. And true, of course. I can't believe someone hasn't called me this before.

Certain people in my life are driving me absolutely mad. I don't really mean "mad" as a synonym for "crazy" but more that they make me mad at them. And no, it's not you. I mean, yeah, maybe I was talking about you a little in my post on lying, but I'm not talking about you now.

Wait, yes I am.

Okay, let me clarify. (Not that anyone remembers something from two days ago....) My post on lying was not inspired by one big fat juicy lie that got exposed on Monday afternoon, but instead months and months and months of multiple small things from multiple offenders. But I decided to write it rather, um, pointedly. It felt better during and afterwards. I was accusing myself just as much.

My brain hurts. I have a lot of suppressed rage. Have I mentioned that yet in this journal? I've said it nearly once a day for the past two weeks, though possibly only to the same one or two people and I haven't written it. I haven't even officially owned it. I say it jokingly and mildly threateningly, as if to say 'I'm so wholesome, isn't it ridiculous to think this might be true?'

But it is. I have large amounts of it writhing under my skin, pushing out trying to break through the surface.

I don't get angry very often. I probably get angry more often in this journal than I do in real life -- in real-life I just get grumpy and sullen on occasions.

I think I need to 'journal through my rage'. Except I've just ruined the mood because that made me crack up. Maybe tomorrow. Or tonight in therapy.