Oh bloody hell.

[raybear]

Gaybear? So simple yet so hilarious. And true, of course. I can't believe someone hasn't called me this before.

Certain people in my life are driving me absolutely mad. I don't really mean "mad" as a synonym for "crazy" but more that they make me mad at them. And no, it's not you. I mean, yeah, maybe I was talking about you a little in my post on lying, but I'm not talking about you now.

Wait, yes I am.

Okay, let me clarify. (Not that anyone remembers something from two days ago....) My post on lying was not inspired by one big fat juicy lie that got exposed on Monday afternoon, but instead months and months and months of multiple small things from multiple offenders. But I decided to write it rather, um, pointedly. It felt better during and afterwards. I was accusing myself just as much.

My brain hurts. I have a lot of suppressed rage. Have I mentioned that yet in this journal? I've said it nearly once a day for the past two weeks, though possibly only to the same one or two people and I haven't written it. I haven't even officially owned it. I say it jokingly and mildly threateningly, as if to say 'I'm so wholesome, isn't it ridiculous to think this might be true?'

But it is. I have large amounts of it writhing under my skin, pushing out trying to break through the surface.

I don't get angry very often. I probably get angry more often in this journal than I do in real life -- in real-life I just get grumpy and sullen on occasions.

I think I need to 'journal through my rage'. Except I've just ruined the mood because that made me crack up. Maybe tomorrow. Or tonight in therapy.

Comments

Gaybear: The Rage

[sharkysmachine.livejournal.com]

i am listening to guilty and thinking of you. i too find myself irrationally angry at people i simply WILL NOT JUST DROP KICK from my friends' list. oh wait, now it's total eclipse of the heart. which begets holding out for hero which begets anger at the death of heartthrobe john eric hexum.

but seriously i hear you. i think anger is completely underrated as a motivator for other people's change. i know nothing makes me change direction than someone about ready to bitch slap me.

it makes me reconsider things.

Re: Gaybear: The Rage

[sharkysmachine.livejournal.com]

all my lies were to protect your feelings. that other person meant nothing to me. for real.

John Eric Hexum

[raybear.livejournal.com]

why did he have to get killed by an accidental stunt gunshot to the head? why god, why?

p.s. don't protect my feelings -- give it to my raw, like ODB.

Re: John Eric Hexum

[sharkysmachine.livejournal.com]

guns don't kill people. john eric hexum kills people if only on accident.

Re: John Eric Hexum

[raybear.livejournal.com]

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

so wrong

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

Re: John Eric Hexum

[sharkysmachine.livejournal.com]

terribly.

[gmd15.livejournal.com]

Jesus, your entry sounds like the lyrics to a Skinny Puppy song. Also, your picture looks like the scene in Full Metal Jacket where Vincent DiNafrio (spelling?) is about to blow his head off. "I am in a world of shit!"

I'm glad you like my picture. It's entitled, "ladies!"

[raybear.livejournal.com]

I find it very amusing that you like Skinny Puppy, partly because the only other person I knew who liked them (and told me about them) was this extremely queeny femme-y guy who temped for us for awhile who liked death metal.

Here's Spike again in my userpic saying hello! I wish I could photoshop out one of his fingers so he's flicking people off.

Re:

[gmd15.livejournal.com]

Oh, it's not you. Well, aren't I an idiot.