LIVE...from the center of the earth.

I'm reporting to my livejournal live from my new office space. I hope I haven't already started to annoy Next-Door Neighbor co-worker (new name, obviously), but I'm just so damn pleased as punch to have her within spitball throwing distances. There's a gap between our cubicles that we can look through, and we're talking about installing a window with no glass but we would pretend to have to open it to talk, or we would insert scenic images from posters and magazines into the panes and pretend that our new office has an amazing view of the Grand Canyon. We're so damn clever, we can barely stand ourselves.

I've barely begun to un-pack. I started with buddha and welcomed him to the new office, meditating on the new space then asking for a blessing for my computer to work correctly. It worked obviously, since I'm typing right now. I read in a zen book once about bowing to the computer monitor everyday before turning it on, to get in a proper mindset of gratitude. Sometimes it works great, sometimes I feel it's like throwing salt over my shoulder. I never care if I spill salt or feel I've brought bad luck upon myself, though I'll still sometimes toss the pinch out of sheer obligation. That's not totally true -- I do love rituals and their existence and their performance, even if I'm not totally connected to the how and why. In some ways, it's why I avoid church -- I know I'll want to participate in every chant and song and prayer and standing and then later feel horrible about what I was saying since I disagree with it on so many levels. At least with thanking my computer I don't have a sense of shame or guilt afterwards, even if my heart isn't totally present.

This weekend I cleaned and cleaned. I may have mentioned this before. I must mention it again. Not because I'm particularly proud of myself, though I am a little. But because I'm so pleased with the results. I feel like I own that tub and that stove top. The floors are next.

MelRo returned home in the middle of the night and I'm glad she survived her RV trip. She's moving out this week and her aunt is in town to assist in the process. I'm anxious for her to leave, which I feel guilty about, but it's less about her actual presence and more about needing to feel settled and not in a constant sake of flux, which is pretty much what the past couple months have been. I look forward to seeing her new apartment and visiting her new home as much as I look forward to rearranging the furniture and making the apartment my own home, even if it's just for five more months. I guess there's a possibility I might stay on, but I'm not sure who I'd want to live with me. It's a two-bedroom apartment, but the second bedroom is small and the layout of the apartment is not conducive for separate lives. It's great for people who are comfortable with each other, either as a couple or as good friends, but not so much for strangers or acquaintances. But who knows, I might change my mind. Or maybe I'll hit the lotto and be able to afford to live their alone. Not so much because I'm THAT much in love with the apartment -- just because I like to avoid moving if possible, since I've done it so much.

So that's the update on my own version of Trading Spaces. Tonight, a visit from Mr. Ridley as he passes through Chicago on his way to DC! I'm looking forward to taking him out for dinner and hanging out with him in the evening. A nice break from the temporary high-maintenance energy-sucker known as my home and office.

Juvenile couldn't even back that azz up.

1. Big birthday hugs and kisses to grocerygetter. A fabulous hot and fiery Aries in my life that I'm glad to have around (she has some great company in this category).

2. As much as I crave rioting in the streets and bringing about a true revolution to shake up all the power structures in this country, because of lessons learned in my current job, I will never stop caring about what's going on in the courts. I feel sometimes like I'm not radical enough because I'm not opposed to "inside-out" change. No, I don't think it's enough. No, I don't think it's the only or best way. But I learned this lesson most expansively from people like my boss who's the most radical and progressive inside-out activist I know. For me it's more about people having talents and skills and putting them to best use on both sides, versus choosing which school of thought will bring about true change.

I'm still not sure where mine are. I thought I was going to grow up to be a full-time activist, but I don't have the abilities, at least not in the traditional way. I'd rather be a full-time artist of some medium who does activist work on the side as well as within the work itself.

Unfortunately these careers never pay. Why can't I just sell out and make boatloads of money? Oh yeah, because I'd eat myself from the inside.

3. The most incapicitating thing someone can say to me in a conversation is "I don't want to talk about this right now." I just suddenly paralyze and of course can think of nothing BUT the topic or at the very least why the topic is bothering them. I don't blame the person for saying this statement, and lord knows I've wielded it myself. Of course when I do say it, I manage to incapicate myself as well, unable to change the subject, unable to will the other person to talk about something else. What is it about this that causes such a strong reaction to me? I really just need to think of how I want the other person to respond when I say it, then I'll have something to say when it's spoken to me. Also, is it wrong to stay on the topic, but just turn the focus on my own behavior? That's what I did last night, and immediately felt bad but you see I had this great riff and story to tell and it was halfway out of my mouth when she said it. So I just kept going, then without taking a breath went on to a new topic. It felt like it worked for me, and she was drunk so it probably worked for her too. I mean, we were just talking about smoking, not life or death or love and lust. So strange.

4. I have a pair of latex gloves and two random lube samplers in my drawer. I gave one of each to Next-Door Neighbor and we've been artfully arranging them at different locations on our desks. We're ready for action at any point, in case anyone was wondering.

5. MFHA (Moody Famous-Hot Attorney, for those new to the scene, even though she's really not that moody these days) approached me this morning to work on a policy project with her. I'm quite pleased about this, especially since usually the cool stuff goes to interns who work for free and I get stuck with label-making. It's trans-related, and what I like about the attorneys here is that they recognize my experience and knowledge on the issue, approaching me with questions and sharing new work, but they don't expect me to do everything trans-related nor do the depend on me to be their educator. She told me about the issue, then asked if I would be interested in working with her, and she even already cleared with my boss. This is the second time I've actually felt valuable at work today. The other was when my boss came up and asked if I happened to have her flight itinerary and I located it instantaneously off one of the many piles of my desk. She seemed genuinely suprised and impressed that I was on top of it in the midst of the chaos of our office. Sometimes I forget that even though I'm messy, I'm quite good at being someone's assistant.