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ARGH! Pull yourself together, Raymond. Stop being so paranoid about work and then adding to the frustration by not doing anything, thereby exacerbating the situation.
This isn't really a good day to quit smoking. Not that I've quit, it's more that I'm on sabbatical. I finished a pack on Monday evening around 10 pm. I had one yesterday after lunch with Sparky. I realized I used to be a person who actually preferred having a pack around, because it made me less likely to smoke. Strange I know, but also a testament to how infrequently I partaked of the nicotine. Knowing the pack was in a coat pocket a few feet away was soothing to me, like I could be lighting up at any time, but I'll just keep putting it off until it's more convenient. This resulted in a tobacco habit of approximately half a dozen cigarettes a week -- sometimes smoked once a day, sometimes chain-smoked all in one evening, but fairly constant average.
Now I'm someone who smokes 'em if I got 'em. And damn if I don't want 'em very badly right now. Despite not have much loose cash, especially after actually having to use it on a train card this morning when my 30-day pass expired and I didn't have my new one because I didn't have my bag. Curses, foiled again.
But yes, back when I feared my smoking was becoming habitual, I would stop for a week or two, just to prove I could do it. It was relatively easy with no noticeable consequences. I started to believe that I was immune to nicotine addiction, that smoking just "wouldn't take". Such a foolish, foolish boy was I. Probably still so, since I'm just attempting to take another sabbatical now. If nothing else, I guess I will have succeeded in reducing my intake.
And self, stop eating oreos.
Sidenote: I'm extremely close to the end of Empire Falls and hopelessly addicted to it as well -- I have a lunch date but I'd rather lock myself in the conference room and drink up the last fifty pages. Also, there's a character named John Voss which I keep changing in my head to John Vang, but I didn't know why. Today I noticed that it's the name of one of the other assistants in another office. I'm glad to have found an explanation. I'm not glad that I can't read this book at my desk which would look like obvious shirking of work versus the cover that livejournal provides of perhaps doing a real task.
This isn't really a good day to quit smoking. Not that I've quit, it's more that I'm on sabbatical. I finished a pack on Monday evening around 10 pm. I had one yesterday after lunch with Sparky. I realized I used to be a person who actually preferred having a pack around, because it made me less likely to smoke. Strange I know, but also a testament to how infrequently I partaked of the nicotine. Knowing the pack was in a coat pocket a few feet away was soothing to me, like I could be lighting up at any time, but I'll just keep putting it off until it's more convenient. This resulted in a tobacco habit of approximately half a dozen cigarettes a week -- sometimes smoked once a day, sometimes chain-smoked all in one evening, but fairly constant average.
Now I'm someone who smokes 'em if I got 'em. And damn if I don't want 'em very badly right now. Despite not have much loose cash, especially after actually having to use it on a train card this morning when my 30-day pass expired and I didn't have my new one because I didn't have my bag. Curses, foiled again.
But yes, back when I feared my smoking was becoming habitual, I would stop for a week or two, just to prove I could do it. It was relatively easy with no noticeable consequences. I started to believe that I was immune to nicotine addiction, that smoking just "wouldn't take". Such a foolish, foolish boy was I. Probably still so, since I'm just attempting to take another sabbatical now. If nothing else, I guess I will have succeeded in reducing my intake.
And self, stop eating oreos.
Sidenote: I'm extremely close to the end of Empire Falls and hopelessly addicted to it as well -- I have a lunch date but I'd rather lock myself in the conference room and drink up the last fifty pages. Also, there's a character named John Voss which I keep changing in my head to John Vang, but I didn't know why. Today I noticed that it's the name of one of the other assistants in another office. I'm glad to have found an explanation. I'm not glad that I can't read this book at my desk which would look like obvious shirking of work versus the cover that livejournal provides of perhaps doing a real task.
