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Only wife of mine is a life of crime.
Jun. 6th, 2003 10:33 amIt's Friday and I should maybe feel more relieved. I am, I just don't necessarily feel it. Maybe because this morning I puked up all the coffee I drank onto the ground of the parking garage while Sophie looked on incredulously. At one point I thought "hmm, maybe I should call in sick today" but here I am. Drinking a vitamin!water and half of some chocolate graham cracker biscuit.
I spent much of the month of January and February puking in the back of the apartment building, like some strange form of morning sickness that came from the conception to a big ball of stress and anxiety. I'm not sure if the proper metaphor at this point is to say I gave birth to it or aborted it. Though I'm leaning towards the latter if perhaps I'm puking again because I've conceived again.
Alright, let's get off this road and write about it in a different way.
In some ways I'm glad to have physical manifestations that are no longer in my chest. I breathe deeply in attempts to spread out the anxiety, trying to allow only small amounts to my throat and neck to keep from choking on air. If pushing it down to my stomach means I can vomit it out of my body, I'm willing to put up with the burn in my throat. What all this means to me is that I'm misaligned. I've suspected this all week, and last night was another reminder when I couldn't even seem to make my body work correctly while jacking off.
I start with my head. Rubbing the top and working around the sides and to my face. That's really where all this trouble began anyway. It seems to be working pretty well. Next I might move down to the neck and shoulders and chest. Earlier this week I was considering the option of receiving a flogging on back and chest, a way of bringing the pain to the surface, possibly drawing out the internal tension and weight that presses into my heart. But for now I think it will work better if gently coaxed out, like when the dog hides under the bed.
I'm sure this all might look strange to my co-workers, seeing me fondle my head and torso while sitting at my desk and typing. But frankly half of my co-workers are out and the others are running around trying to get a mailing done by today. So I think I'll escape notice for the most part.
( now for the boring day-to-day stuff )
I spent much of the month of January and February puking in the back of the apartment building, like some strange form of morning sickness that came from the conception to a big ball of stress and anxiety. I'm not sure if the proper metaphor at this point is to say I gave birth to it or aborted it. Though I'm leaning towards the latter if perhaps I'm puking again because I've conceived again.
Alright, let's get off this road and write about it in a different way.
In some ways I'm glad to have physical manifestations that are no longer in my chest. I breathe deeply in attempts to spread out the anxiety, trying to allow only small amounts to my throat and neck to keep from choking on air. If pushing it down to my stomach means I can vomit it out of my body, I'm willing to put up with the burn in my throat. What all this means to me is that I'm misaligned. I've suspected this all week, and last night was another reminder when I couldn't even seem to make my body work correctly while jacking off.
I start with my head. Rubbing the top and working around the sides and to my face. That's really where all this trouble began anyway. It seems to be working pretty well. Next I might move down to the neck and shoulders and chest. Earlier this week I was considering the option of receiving a flogging on back and chest, a way of bringing the pain to the surface, possibly drawing out the internal tension and weight that presses into my heart. But for now I think it will work better if gently coaxed out, like when the dog hides under the bed.
I'm sure this all might look strange to my co-workers, seeing me fondle my head and torso while sitting at my desk and typing. But frankly half of my co-workers are out and the others are running around trying to get a mailing done by today. So I think I'll escape notice for the most part.
( now for the boring day-to-day stuff )
