We ain't got shit, something's got to give.

Instead of giving two weeks notice like Sandra Bullock and Hugh Grant, I'm putting in a vacation request for a full week near the end of July. This time-off will possibly be used to go to New York, otherwise it will be used for apartment and job search. I was hesitant to use any more vacation days, wanting to save them for that final paycheck, but then I think that if I actually have another paycheck to go to, it's not as critical.

This determination came after talking aloud yesterday afternoon after the matinee of Charlie's Angels where I had the sudden realization that "I want to do something bold, not stupid."

Though I suppose there's still time to do both.

Pride weekend was more enjoyable than I expected, in part because of non-oppressive weather as well as low-key social activities rather than high-energy crazed parties, usually involving fabulous livejournal people. Though I suppose Friday night's Kings show was a bit crazy. Not necessarily in a good way. My stage debut perhaps went well though it's hard for me to know since I was all hyped up on adrenaline and rage. Since I finally put the lady down I'm not really interested in picking her up right now for the sake of a journal entry, especially when I'm just planning on resolving it the next time I get a phone call to DJ.

I had a fabulous time last night visiting with two friends from college, one of whom I haven't seen in three years since she left for Senegal for her Peace Corps tour of duty. We stayed up late showing off picutres and chatting, so now I must go caffeinate to supplement my paltry six hours sleep.

Except I don't want to shoot anyone in the end.

I think I need to visit Dark Lady to have her read my cards and point me in the right direction of a life vision.

Alternatively, I'll just give myself a tarot reading while doing laundry tonight.

Current Top Fantasies

1.  Sell off most belongings and/or put them all in a storage facility, then live in non-permanent housing i.e. squat in other people's homes.  Anyone have interest in temporarily housing a 5'9"ish cub of a queer boy with a 30lb dog and an eMac?  I'll let you play with my iPod.  I'll cook for you and possibly even clean.  Sexual favors could maybe even be arranged, if interested.  Chicago leaning, but not opposed to traveling to other cities for quality housing arrangement.

2.  Similar to number one, except I would move to some small town where it's ridiculous cheap to live and I would live alone and write all day for a year.  Of course, no matter how cheap the city is (Omaha Nebraska, anyone?  Or how about Hattiesburg, Mississippi? ), I'd still require some income that writing wouldn't quite bring in yet.  

3.  Start a big unofficial queer punk artistic commune in Chicago.  Or just on a smaller scale, finding a couple of other folks who want to share a large apartment/house/loft space on the west or south side with above-mentioned dog and eMac.  This is appealing because I would once again have something in my life I could dub "The Great Experiment".  And I could save money to pay off debt and maybe sometime before I'm 30 have chest surgery.

4.  Move back in with my parents in Atlanta.  Money would be saved.  Hilarity would ensue.  I would write a sitcom about the experience and move to L.A.

5.  Find work and move to NYC.  Or Vancouver.  Or Puerto Rico.  Or Japan.  Or Brazil.

6.  Take a soul-deadening job with a big firm (the one I'm eyeing isn't AS horribly oppressive, because it's the pro bono coordinator) and for one-year live the high life -- do many responsible and irresponsible things with my money.

7.   Sell all belongings and live in a buddhist monastary or retreat center for a year.  Hopefully one that allows dogs.  

8.  Put as many belongings (including the dog) as possible into MelRo's car and drive it to California to say hi.  This won't last long since she's returning to Chicago in August.

9.  Move to L.A. to become the first FTM international porn superstar.  Or do it here in Chicago.  

10.  A life of crime.  Non-violent, probably just involving forged checks than leaving the country.  This has the same appeal as the other leaving town plans, but without the option of ever returning to my friends and family and lovers.  Plus, the whole bad karma thing because I'm stealing.  Hence it being at the bottom of my list.


Post-tarot reading though, really my number one fantasy is just to be happy and satisfied and feel worthy and productive and in love. To move past fear and doubt. That's really what I desire.