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I keep searching the journals of others to find what I want to read and need to write but for some reason I'm holding back, I'm sure in part because I'm still pretty sleepy and astrologically speaking today is all about water and I'm swimming around in this big cup of emotional overflow. But not in a bad way. This may get a little gushy, just to warn you.
I fall in love so easily that it would scare me if I hadn't been this way for my entire life. Since actually having relationships result from these outpouring of emotions, I've become better at allowing the feelings come out without falling into emotionally dangerous situations. By that I mean, just because I find new love for someone doesn't mean I drop my life and follow them around, placing all of my needs and reassurance and desires in their surprised hands. No, it's more about my love for others being about me and the feeling and not expectation or filling some hole or gap in my life.
I know I'm at-risk for getting into situations where I give too much. I know that even when the person isn't a manipulator, I can still get set up in a dynamic where I might later start feeling like I'm being taken advantage. But these happen fewer and far between in the past couple years, in part because I'm owning up to my own role.
I like that I can look at someone in the face, listening to them talking or even just watching them walk across the room, and revel in my growing adoration. The curiosity and fascination of wanting to get to know them more, not to possess them which is how I've previously tried to drink people in. I would be so taken, so wanting to bring them into my heart and insert myself into theirs, to absorb all the radiant qualities that I want for myself, that I'm sure my energy could be bombarding. Although I might have covered it up pretty well and just tortured myself with it instead -- I wouldn't put it past me.
I feel so open, even the midst of pain and concern. There are people thousands of miles away from me right now that feel alive in my heart. There are new friends and lovers who have already passed through my "test" of knowing they will bring me joy and fun and love and lessons and support and interesting stories, and I look forward to how our experiences will unfold and what they will bring to my life and I to theirs. There is my lover who's going through excrutiating pain for whom I gladly perform small menial tasks, not because I'm trying to earn points in the bank for payback or martyrdom, and not because I think I can fix everything, but because I know I can't heal or solve or perform miracles, but being able to fetch coffee and ice packs lets me feel less helpless and perhaps reminds her in the process that she's not completely alone.
I fall in love so easily that it would scare me if I hadn't been this way for my entire life. Since actually having relationships result from these outpouring of emotions, I've become better at allowing the feelings come out without falling into emotionally dangerous situations. By that I mean, just because I find new love for someone doesn't mean I drop my life and follow them around, placing all of my needs and reassurance and desires in their surprised hands. No, it's more about my love for others being about me and the feeling and not expectation or filling some hole or gap in my life.
I know I'm at-risk for getting into situations where I give too much. I know that even when the person isn't a manipulator, I can still get set up in a dynamic where I might later start feeling like I'm being taken advantage. But these happen fewer and far between in the past couple years, in part because I'm owning up to my own role.
I like that I can look at someone in the face, listening to them talking or even just watching them walk across the room, and revel in my growing adoration. The curiosity and fascination of wanting to get to know them more, not to possess them which is how I've previously tried to drink people in. I would be so taken, so wanting to bring them into my heart and insert myself into theirs, to absorb all the radiant qualities that I want for myself, that I'm sure my energy could be bombarding. Although I might have covered it up pretty well and just tortured myself with it instead -- I wouldn't put it past me.
I feel so open, even the midst of pain and concern. There are people thousands of miles away from me right now that feel alive in my heart. There are new friends and lovers who have already passed through my "test" of knowing they will bring me joy and fun and love and lessons and support and interesting stories, and I look forward to how our experiences will unfold and what they will bring to my life and I to theirs. There is my lover who's going through excrutiating pain for whom I gladly perform small menial tasks, not because I'm trying to earn points in the bank for payback or martyrdom, and not because I think I can fix everything, but because I know I can't heal or solve or perform miracles, but being able to fetch coffee and ice packs lets me feel less helpless and perhaps reminds her in the process that she's not completely alone.
