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I was struck moments ago with this overwhelming feeling that lately on this journal I'm this extremely negative person who whines a lot in a desperate bid for attention. Okay, it wasn't really that extreme (nor do I think that's true....at least I hope not). It's more that the motivation to update on my journal comes at moments of casual purging about various cranky things in my life.
Someone this morning said, "what the hell is going on with you? I can't tell from your journal." This was more a testament to us not getting a chance to talk for more than two minutes in the past month, but I couldn't help but keep her words floating in my head, especially since I seem to be having more livejournal miscommunications in the past week. Not enough being said or reading between the lines that misconstrues points and it's important lesson-learning in the area of realizing you can't control how people think of you, but it still makes me weary at times. Especially when it's my own fault because I'm being sloppy with my words and throwing them together as half-compeleted thoughts and ideas that don't really mean anything to me, or at least don't mean more than any other casual comment that breezes through my head and certainly doesn't mean as much as the ideas I actually act on and feel. This is what happens when I'm unfocused and distracted and stressed in small amounts. I think, in large amounts, I can pull it together fairly well and be somewhat articulate in the madness. But when it comes to just being worn down by daily grind, I'm messy and unintentional and often short-sighted and sometimes even narcissistic.
Things really aren't that bad. I promise. And yeah, everything will get done and I know that.
In the meantime, I need to eat better. I swear, when I feel moody and crappy, I crave and eat crappy food (does velveeta even qualify as food?) and then I feel worse. No hot dogs for dinner tonight for me.
Someone this morning said, "what the hell is going on with you? I can't tell from your journal." This was more a testament to us not getting a chance to talk for more than two minutes in the past month, but I couldn't help but keep her words floating in my head, especially since I seem to be having more livejournal miscommunications in the past week. Not enough being said or reading between the lines that misconstrues points and it's important lesson-learning in the area of realizing you can't control how people think of you, but it still makes me weary at times. Especially when it's my own fault because I'm being sloppy with my words and throwing them together as half-compeleted thoughts and ideas that don't really mean anything to me, or at least don't mean more than any other casual comment that breezes through my head and certainly doesn't mean as much as the ideas I actually act on and feel. This is what happens when I'm unfocused and distracted and stressed in small amounts. I think, in large amounts, I can pull it together fairly well and be somewhat articulate in the madness. But when it comes to just being worn down by daily grind, I'm messy and unintentional and often short-sighted and sometimes even narcissistic.
Things really aren't that bad. I promise. And yeah, everything will get done and I know that.
In the meantime, I need to eat better. I swear, when I feel moody and crappy, I crave and eat crappy food (does velveeta even qualify as food?) and then I feel worse. No hot dogs for dinner tonight for me.
