Looks like we made it.

I survived the move. And it can even be deemed successful. With the exception of me missing every single social event this weekend, including but not limited to, mintwaster's bachelor party, cruelnails's visit to the city, and nineinchlovely & lakenaiad's housewarming party.

I think this last event was the most shameful in missing, since they live less than three blocks away. But last night I was soooooo tired and burnt out, I just couldn't handle. limenal came over to visit Sophie, then we were going to walk over together, but we just ended up sitting on the couch and talking for two hours while she occasionally massaged my sore biceps and I occasionally got up to unpack more items which made my arms hurt worse. Then we watched a little Buffy, then she went home and I had a miserable time cutting my hair because my blades needing cleaning plus I couldn't even properly shower afterwards because the gas won't get turned on until Thursday morning (hopefully) and this means no hot water. Yeah. I took a cold bath on Saturday evening which I think made all my muscles stiffen up and I was unable to get dress properly much less leave the house, but at 8:45 pm I ate a piece of leftover fried chicken in NX's honor, then I went to sleep around 9:30 pm.

A few minor miracles happened this weekend. First the beautiful people who helped load the truck on Friday evening. Second was the garage door getting fixed by 11:15 am after I broke it with the truck (no, I don't want to talk about it). Third was STILL having people to help me unload even though I was nearly two hours late and we got it done in about an hour. Fourth was yesterday morning I arrived at IKEA at 10:10 am and left at 10:50 am, successful in my hunt for a shelving unit that holds over 800 CDs.

And of course, in addition to no gas, I have no phone. Though I called the new number this morning and the voicemail works.

I live in a real, live neighborhood. With neighbors. Who knocked on the back door last night and introduced themselves, even though they're moving in two weeks. And the park was so beautiful at 8 am on Sunday morning as I was walking to the bus that I wanted to cry. I didn't realize how much I missed seeing grass and trees that stretch more than the five feet between the sidewalk and the curb.

There's still a lot to do. Tonight I have to go back to the old place and throw many things away and clean up some and pack up the entire fridge and freezer. And I still need to write this book report and send off this last grad school application. And I'd like to unpack and put together my kitchen because this morning I was able to get it together to find a bowl for cereal but I just couldn't handle unpacking the coffee pot to make coffee. But it's Monday, so it can all still happen.

( weekly horoscope )

There's something kinda funny 'bout a man making money off a blond haired blue eyed girl

I hate dependency on routine. Well, that's not true. It doesn't bother me too much when the routine is going smoothly and regularly, but when it gets disrupted and I feel uncomfortable, then I hate it.

I spoke to Lowenstein for about two minutes this morning. I just called to say 'howdy', thinking I'd be more likely to catch her earlier rather than later because of performing and whatnot. We gave abbreviated updates and she said she bought me a present and that she missed me last night and had a hard time sleeping and I said she just needed a wall and her own bed and then she had to get off the phone, as did I, and when I hung up I felt more unsettled and disconnected then before I called. I think there are just too many things going on right now that I can't really miss her or even feel silly about missing her. It's been all of two days and there will be two more days, but it's sort of weird time for me. I want to unpack but then I think "Should I wait until she gets back and ask what she thinks? Should I wait until she moves her stuff in before I arrange the books?" I somehow feel denied all the happy movie montage elements of moving in with someone and instead we're just stuck with all the annoying parts and stress. I think I'm also having flashbacks to the summer when I moved my entire apartment alone while my partner of the time was temporarily living in a remote location in the woods and I was left to freak out alone. But this is different for a lot of reasons and I shouldn't make too much out of emotional memories, especially when right now I'm just tired with miles to go before I sleep and that always makes me more moody. And for the most part I do feel confident about things working out, it's just sometimes I get tired of thinking about it.

I'm planning on focusing on the rooms I can put together with confidence, like the bathroom and kitchen and den and half of the office. I will soon have coffee at home and will make fantastic food with the toaster oven and Presto cooker until the gas gets turned on. I will resist the temptations to just lie on the fuzzy orange couch with the fuzzy pillow and watch the bad reception cable access channels. And I'm proud of myself for making my bed and putting together a nightstand because I could easily see myself sleeping on the couch every night with a playstation 2 remote in my hand and ice cream melting on my chest like a drunk bachelor.

I know my tone doesn't reveal it, but I am doing relatively well. I do love my new apartment and I'm happy to be there. The energy feels good and I've done a few rituals to make it more welcoming. I just don't love all the boxes that need to be unpacked. Nor do I love all the trash and dustbunnies and furballs at the old place that need to be disposed of.

Do you want more?!!!??!

I know this is my 12903487nth time posting on livejournal today, but I'm making up for lost time.

It could be the three o'clock cup of coffee talking, but I'm feeling way better this afternoon. Hopeful and chipper and in a good mood and excited to tackle my projects at home. I feel obligated to list some of the reasons why, not only to publicly thank and embarass certain people, but also to remember tomorrow when I'm feeling low or whatever.

1) E-mail banter with Do-Me Queen, my favorite co-worker in New York who sent photos of her dog and I threatened to send her a sock via inter-office mail because she's madly in love with an attorney here. Maybe I should explain. About three years ago, I dog-sat for this attorney (known as MFHA in previous entries) and stayed in her condo. She had a washer and dryer. I did some laundry. She had left a sock in the dryer and I accidentally took it home. It stayed in my gym bag for months and months and I kept forgetting to give it back. Then it sort of became this joke because so many people in my life had big crushes on her, and I would tease them with the prospect of giving them her sock. I thought I had gotten rid of this sock two years ago, but no -- I found it over the weekend in the bottom of the crate with my art supplies. Yeah, I don't know either. And no, I didn't throw it away this time either.

2) Online banter with my favorite gamer drood. Unfortunately I ran out of moves because I no longer have a paid membership. Also, Mr. Drood wrote me an extremely flattering and wonderful letter of introduction for me last week that I'm still tickled about, which leads me to....

3) wearemany also wrote a letter of introduction that about made me cry. It's so amazing to get a chance to see when people see you as your best, that best version of yourself that no one can maintain at all times because we're not perfect, but we don't have to. Just shining occasionally is enough. She helps me remember the power of having people in your life who are close to you even during the hard parts and stick around regardless. Which leads me to....

4) My unexpected long visit with limenal last night was fun and comfortable and I feel lucky to still have around someone who laughs at my random television and movie line quotes and the mutual understanding of quirks and obsessions and paying attention. When I first met her at a party, I was in this very anti-dating, anti-relationship phase which she obviously made me reconsider, but even before we officially went out, I remember thinking "I still don't know if I want to be dating anyone right now, but I can tell she's someone who could be one of my best friends."

5) I'm excited by how excited I'll be to see dommeyourass on Wednesday when she returns from P-town. I need to unpack her cologne tonight so I can wear it tomorrow to smell like her and be all sentimental and shit.