Calling occupents of interplanetary craft.

Last night, after sweating profusely from gathering the infamous "last box of stuff from the old apartment" which inevitably ends up being an entire carload of crap, I called up thebrownhornet to share my recent realization. I mean, sure, moving is difficult and taxing at times, but my emotional state seemed to be even shiftier and darker than usual when going through difficult tasks. I realized two things: 1) I was many days late on getting a hormone injection, which always makes me moodier (I made an appointment to go at 5 pm today); and 2) I hadn't had a cigarette in nearly three days. "You picked a helluva time to quit," he joked. Strangely enough though, I wasn't intentionally not smoking. It was a combination of lazyness and depression that kept me from purchasing more cigarettes. Seriously. I would be sitting on the couch wanting one, but then would think "I have to walk three blocks to a corner store...no wait, I don't even have enough cash so I have to go extra far to an ATM....let's just have another soda instead." Even when I've been driving in the car and craving nicotine, it would seem like too much of a chore to pull over to the convenient store, mostly because I've been driving during crazy rush hour times or weekends and I just want to get there and get out of the car. Or I'm waiting for the bus, but see it coming and don't want to risk missing it by going into the store.

This morning I bought a pack. I smoked one. It tasted pretty bad and I didn't quite finish it. Now that I have a pack in my bag, I'm sure I'll fully fall off the wagon soon enough. But at least I won't be cranky.

Last night I unpacked the kitchen and fell asleep slightly more satisfied. Tonight I focus on the music portions of the apartment, including setting up my computer so I can finish this last application. Oh, I also decided yesterday to apply for this state arts council fellowship. Guess when it's due? September 1st. But I can submit the same manuscript I sent to schools, and for the possibility several thousand dollars if I get it (or even the $700 grant the numerous runners-up get), it's worth taking some time out of my Labor Day weekend.

I keep meaning to call audblog when I'm walking around and report on the scariness of the Burger King signs that state "New Salad in a Sandwich".

Vacant lot.

At first, I thought I had been dreaming. Even while I was standing in awe, I didn't believe. It was barely 8 am when I stumbled out of the apartment and hit the sidewalk in search of a northbound bus in a still unfamiliar neighborhood, so it's certainly possible I was also just distracted and misremembered. When I walked though the weeds later that night, there seemed to be no rhyme or reason to the pattern of green leaves tangled up in litter and broken glass, no evidence of my vision.

But the next morning, they were there, a sea of purple-blue wildflowers, a variation of morning glories in how they live if not in their shape.

My building has maybe twelve large apartments, six in the front, six in the back. On one side is a four-flat condo with smooth new velvety brick, but the mailboxes still read the names of tenants with messy scrawling hand-written marker. On the other side is a vacant lot. It's not wide, perhaps big enough another two or three flat, but just as long as the rest of the builings. A path has been beaten on the right side, not straight down the middle but just a little off-center and a bit meandering.

By noon they're certainly gone. Maybe even earlier do they disappear. But before 9 am, they take my breath away. They fill the entire lot and the batch of grass between the sidewalk and the street in front of the lot. I'm still amazed when I return in the evening that I can't find a bud or a petal or any reminder of their presence.
So maybe they are just a dream.

Accumulation of non-wealth

( why didn't I read this article two weeks ago to help inspire me to get rid of stuff? though I guess it's not too late. )