And everything that's good right now, I don't wish for it to last.

I just discovered in the bathroom that I have a significant hole in my pants. In the crotch, where the stiching has come apart along the seam for about 4 inches, near the back. I'm glad that I'm wearing dark underwear, so I think it's less noticeable. I've considered asking one of my friendly co-workers to examine me from behind and tell me how obvious it is, but then decided I prefer ignorance and if it's so horrible that they can't help but notice, surely someone will pull me aside.

Last night I had a spontaneous date with myself, where I cooked a nice big dinner, watched a movie, then spent the rest of the evening reading. Because I'm lazy, I'm going to cut and paste from an e-mail I just sent to Miss Rook about the movie and book:

So last night I finally watched "Audition" (it came from Netflix nearly two weeks ago) and damn, even though I had warning that it was fcked up, it still got me. I also freaked out my dog during the scene where they show what she's done to their puppy, because I immediately grabbed Sophie and declared I would never date anyone ever again lest they come home crazy. I also had a moment where I feared [Lowenstein] coming home because I might freak out and start to believe she would torture and kill me. Luckily I got over all this once the movie was over. I especially liked the narrative style, sort of like a David Lynch movie, where it relies on dream logic and sequencing, rather than traditional linear approach.

Also, on Monday after you e-mailed me about Kathryn Harrison's "The Kiss", I went on-line and found it used on Amazon for $0.01. Yeah, one cent. I only had to pay three dollars for shipping. It arrived yesterday at work, I started reading it on the train on the way home, then finished the book after I watched the movie. I couldn't put it down until I was done -- luckily it's a fairly short book and a quick read. You should really read Lolita now, if you can, because it's the only other book that's made me feel the way Harrison's book did. Especially going into detail about the mutual intensity of the emotional and sexual feelings but how it comes to a head when it meets the power difference between the two people. The way both characters deteriorate in different ways is very similar to Lolita and Humbert, which makes me wonder how completely fictional Lolita is....

Though perhaps Harrison's real-life experience undergoing a novelization was just influenced by Nabokov. The book is haunting me. Hell, it haunted me while I read it. It's about the author's "love affair" with her father that started when she was 20 years old (he's primarily been absent from her life her entire childhood) and lasted for over a year.

Since I had dessert coffee during the movie, I was extra awake after finishing the book, so I kept reading, but switched to Scott McCloud's "Understanding Comics" and the latest issue of Shambhala Sun, neither one exactly light fare, but still a welcome change in gears.

Tonight I have another hot date, this time with dommeyourass, which will include dinner and going to see cocolola in The Maria Chronicles and later the Pink Bloque action in Wicker Park. We're going to dinner in a restaurant, just the two of us. I can't really think of the last time we did this. I hope we'll have enough to talk about. Somehow I think we'll be okay.

There's a new [boy] in town and [he's] feeling good.

There has been a flurry of discussion in some circles about what to wear tomorrow night for the premier party of The Undergrad at the film festival, but I just went shopping for tonight's Pink Bloque rally (see last entry's comments for details). I had dreams of a carnation pink sweatshirt hoodie and I went out to find it. Unfortunately, the store only had a faded red hooded sweatshirt that could almost pass for dark pink, but it really was just a red one that accidentally got put in the hot wash with bleach detergent. I almost bought it anyway, since it was only $6 but opted instead for the bright pink men's dress shirt on the clearance rack, which I realized after I purchased is part of my subconscious's plan to further converge my wardrobe into matching Lowenstein's, since I think she has the exact same pink shirt and will be sporting it tonight as well. I think I'll wait to put mine on after dinner. I won't mind us matching at the rally when we're also matching everyone else around us, but not a second before.

Tomorrow is a huge day in the cosmos. Big time stuff. My horoscope said to just ride it out, be an observer. So far all I have planned is a knitting date in the afternoon then working the door at Spin for the premier party. The festivities might be intense with all the planetary energy and full moon. Or maybe it will cancel everything out and all will be quite mellow.

Whatever it is, I'm staying out of it.

Also, can I go home now? The morning went well and I've gotten work done, but I think my campaign to be detached from work is going a little too well. I might just float out onto the subway.

[Be patient, little one. In two hours you'll be home.]