I don't read the newspapers because they all have ugly print.

I fell back asleep with my clothes on at 9 am and was awoken at 9:30 when the doorbell rang. It was Randall. The SBC Ameritech phone serviceman.

Phone technicians used to frighten me, going back to memories as a small child. They seemed to always be crotchey creepy old lecherous men. Apparently the gas company still employs this type, but in the past couple years, the phone guys are the exact opposite, usually these polite, handsome, put-together guys in their 30s or 40s. Today was no exception.

So while he's in the basement and outside the building, repairing the phone line that got cut, I'm at the kitchen table on my cell phone asking for a supervisor as the SBC DSL department. When I called them to tell them I was moving, they said DSL would start on May 6th. When I called on May 7th, they said, no, we don't have your order. Transfer depeartments. Oh wait, yes we do. It will be turned on next week, May 14th at the LATEST. When I called on May 15th, they said, no, we don't have an order to connect on May 12th. We have an order to DISconnect for May 12th. I asked if they noticed there was nothing to disconnect at that time. Apparently not. As always, the people on the phone are extremely apologetic and nice and seemingly helpful, it's just when I call back, it turns out I was always tricked, at least about the helpful part. They're just so damn nice in giving out misinformation, it's hard not to be tricked.

Today I just asked directly for a supervisor. They put me on hold. Then I got disconnected. I nearly Toni Braxton-ed the phone. Well, I did slam it down several times in a row, but it didn't break. I called back. I got connected to Latrice, who not only was as nice as the other folks, but actually informed me that she is the "buck stops here" department and in control of the flow of all orders in the five state area and I should have been transferred there earlier. I said, that would have been nice to know, oh, two weeks ago. She broke down the situation, even went as far as calling the other people "stupid" in their mistake making. While I appreciated her apologies, I wanted to say that SBC could take back 99 of the 100 apologies I've received and exchange it for some competence, thanks.

The end result is that I recommended if they are going to run a monopoly, they need to streamline the communication between all the departments, especially since they ARE a communication company, and she tried to say it was an anomaly, that they just changed to a new system, there were a few bugs, but overall they get it right, and we did not agree to disagree, but I did thank her for her time and effort and say I know it's not her fault, I'm just frustrated and she gave me her name and her assistant's name and their direct number. I thank her and tell her one more time that NONE of the deparments seem to know what the others are doing AT ALL. I hang up feeling mad that I won't have DSL until the 31st. But sort of willing to let it go.

I get ready to go to work, and the phone rings. I answer. It's a 'sales rep' from SBC. I'm thinking it has something to do with the hours I've spent on the phone today. No, she wants to tell me all about SBC long distance service so I could make the switch. She asks, "if you have a moment, who is your current long distance carrier?"

I pause. "Um, SBC."
"Oh......um, can I ask what plan you're on?"
"Sorry, I'm walking out the door, I no longer have a moment."

I hope they recorded that call for quality assurance purposes.