Last night changed it all.

I really shouldn't be here -- my to-do list is ridiculous, but I needed to mark a couple things.

1) I love my best friend. He told me to reserve last night for an early birthday suprise. He came by the office and we drank the scotch from my desk then we went to dinner at the Berghoff and told each super-long detailed stories because that's what we do and then we went to the House of Blues to see a concert. But not just any damn concert. Fcking Ghostface Killah. GHOSTFACE KILLAH! I can't go into the levels and ways this is perfect for us. We've never seen him live. I can now cross that off my Things To Do Before I Die list. Even if he didn't perform Dayton or Maxine and he wasn't wearing the eagle on his arm. GHOSTFACE!!!

2) I love my girlfriend. I don't really have a paragaph about this one, but just needed to declare it outloud.

3) Today is the last day before the first day of the rest of my life. It's my last day at work. LAST DAY AT WORK!!!

I think my large coffee finally kicked in.

Farewell, goodbye, amen.

I was standing in Slim's office, filing some case notes when I suddenly felt really light headed and I noticed my breathing was extremely shallow. I stopped and took a deep breath, and my lungs hurt, which made me think I had been barely breathing for several minutes, hence the light-headedness. And it wasn't a panic attack -- it was more that feeling of being 13 and standing in line to ride a loop-de-loop rollercoaster for the first time. I realized it's probably because I was moments away from finishing my last task.

Granted, I didn't get to one thing on my to-do list -- I decided to leave it behind for an intern to complete and not worry about it. Oh, and I still have my final wall of pictures to take down.

I was going through the random items on my desktop, mostly throwing away the collection of receipts and post-it notes that gathered around my keyboard and computer. Behind the monitor was a box of my business cards, about 90% full. I sat there, hovering over the recycling bin, sometimes taking a few out to save, then putting them back, then taking them out. I suddenly said to myself "why are you holding on? what's the purpose?" So pitched them all. I don't need them. I don't need cards that say I'm the legal assistant at Lambda Legal because I'm not. I don't need reminders of my life as the legal assistant at Lambda Legal because I'll remember.

But I saved the box. At least to transfer my buddha figurines home.

On my last day I arrived early and I'm leaving early. I could say it is not soon enough, but it is what it is.

See you on the other side.