Your secrets are safe with me.

I was waiting around for UPS yesterday who didn't show as of 5:30 when I left to have dinner with Miss Rook. I came home and tracked the package online and there was a message about how no company or name was found and UPS was contacting the sender. I decided to call and intervene. So I rang the 1-800 number and confirmed the tracking number, my full name and address. She said she's forward it to the local call center who would call me back.

The phone just rang and the Caller ID said United Parcel Service and I said 'hello' and this extremely perky and casual voice said, "HI!! Is Ray there?" I was confused that it was a friend who's voice I didn't recognize. Turns out it was indeed the UPS person confirming the info about getting my package to me today. Little did she know, she set a record for my experience with my name by being so immediately cozy with me.

Sometimes I play this game at parties or social gatherings where I introduce myself as Raymond and see how long the person takes to automatically shorten it to Ray. Don't get me wrong, I answer equally to both names and I like both names and they both are my name, it's just interesting to me that it seems to be a name people will automatically take the liberty of shortening, possibly more so than others.

Everyone at school calls me "Raymond". This wasn't an intentional campaign, it's just when I write down my whole name, I write down my whole name, which means all my name tags and e-mails and workshop stories say 'Raymond' and therefore people call me 'Raymond'. One of the few exceptions is MFABFF who calls me both, possibly Ray more often, because we're friends outside of the program. This last residency there was a funny moment where he called me 'ray' in front of a small group of our new social circle, and two of the women asked if I went by "ray" as a nickname. I said, yeah, it's about equal. One of them said they thought it was cute and the other didn't quite believe it and said, 'I don't know, you seem like such a Raymond to me.' It's all about perspective.

I had plans to go to the library today but now I'm trapped in the apartment, under UPS arrest. Oh great, they just tried to call me again but my privacy manager filtered them out and they hung up. What does that mean? Why can't they just leave packages in the bushes by the front porch like they used to back in the day?

I guess I should hurry up and get dressed and return my library books now before the delivery person gets on the truck.

If I stay here, won't you listen to my heart?

( Last week, according to the news )

( In Memory of 'Coleslaw', the poet who passed away this week, and for Lowenstein because this poem reminds me of conversations we have )

( And now the astrological forecast for my week )

Guess who showed up at my door half an hour after posting? A super super hot UPS guy. He said yesterday he rang the downstairs neighbor's bell too and they told him "he doesn't live here anymore". So, he either talked to the woman with alzheimer's, or the caretaker I see everyday must not know my name. Mercury in retrograde, anyone? But now I can inject, cut my hair, shower, shave (or maybe keep the scruff...), get dressed and go downtown.

Any second now, I'll get right on that.

The perils of hipster facial hair

The worst part about accidentally fcking up one sideburn is having to intentionally replicate it on the other side in order to achieve balance. I suppose I could have just eliminated most of it and started anew next week after growing some back in, but why when I can walk around looking somewhat like drag king Sebastian C*ck?

I should have used a protractor.

I'm getting off the computer. For real this time.