I know I misbehaved...and we both got some room left to grow.

It's been just over a year since chest surgery and just over five years since I started hormones and I was going to take some pics this morning after I got out of the shower, but I also shaved because my neck was itching like crazy, plus I think my face had moving from "sexy intentional scruffy" to "lazy sad patchy beard" and now I have such the babyface thing going on I don't want to take pictures. Also, because when one habit falls off, they all seem to follow, and one of them including working out so while I don't feel like my chest looks bad, it's just I don't feel particularly proud and show-offy about it either. I suppose I could just flex for the camera and fake it, but whatever, it'll have to wait. Besides engaging in narcissus picture taking is just ANOTHER device to distract me from writing and I really need to get my isht together. Though I don't regret last night's distraction at all. In fact, I'm having to control my impulses to not further distract myself, which is extra difficult given that an old trick popped up in my e-mail box over the weekend (I believe I once referred to him in this journal as PapaBear) and there's mutual interest in hooking up again, maybe even sometime this week, though next week seems more likely. Without resorting to rain/pour cliches, I must admit it can be true at times that once the energy starts flowing, it builds on itself. Funny how I was just saying my sex drive was kinda low and now it's picking up and I'm not sure which came first. Does it matter? Naw.

I'm eating leftover gouda cheese from Saturday night and it's tempting to drink the leftover wine but then I'd really get nothing done. I'd probably just fall right to sleep. Tonight is film group so I have a deadline. Ok, for real this time. This is me closing the internet browser. I have to push through, if only because I'm sick of writing journal entries here about not getting it finished.