Pray God you can cope.

[raybear]

I know you have a little life in you yet

I can't really remember when I 'found God' anymore than I can truly remember when I 'lost God'. Interestingly enough, I hold a somewhat buddhist conception of my previous christianity. It's not important to remember when and how it began or ended -- it just was and now it's not. But seeing as I was going to church from a very early age, my knowledge of religion was more of a conditioning process than a spiritual one. My spiritual life probably grew slowly out of the behavioral patterns, maybe around the time I was starting to think more independently about politics and people and life. Maybe around the age of 11.

I should be crying but I just can't let it show

There are certain traditional and heritage aspects I miss about going to church and studying the bible and viewing the world through a christian lens. I suppose nowadays I view the world through a queer lens. And I even went through a period of collecting a sort of gay heritage and history to replace what went missing. For me, I didn't leave christianity because I was gay -- I spent awhile try to reconcile the two. But I was failed too many times by one which drove me into the others. It's not so much that being queer drove me away from Christ. It's more that religious tradition failings drove me into a more full submersion of queer life. But it wasn't the same -- organized religion has cultural spheres and spiritual spheres. The pride parade isn't exactly a temple of true spiritual enrichment.

Give me these moments back Give them back to me

Nowadays I don't know what boxes I check on the census regarding religion. I read tarot cards. I believe in archetypes and engage in dream interpretation, also working towards lucid dreaming as spiritual and meditative exercise. I've been studying the general branches of buddhism. But I can't ever imagine going back to where I came, in a spiritual sense. Nothing about Christianity feels right at all. Even though I can still recite the language and deconstruct the theology and maybe even know the answers to the cards in Bible Trivia, it's completely outside of me.

Oh, darling make it go away

Sort of like being a woman. Or more explicitly, a non-trans person. Was I ever non-trans? I don't think it really matters at this point. I'm here now, and defining the beginning and the ending doesn't really change anything..

Comments

[wildcraft.livejournal.com]

"my knowledge of religion was more of a conditioning process than a spiritual one"

--as a pagan, self-ex communicated Catholic, I totally agree with you on that one!

can i take you home with me?

[brothernumber3.livejournal.com]

It's not important to remember when and how it began or ended -- it just was and now it's not.


yes. and vice versa.

[danielray.livejournal.com]

i grew up Jewish, and when i was 11 or 12 or so, i wanted to grow up to be a rabbi. (and rock on to my cool family and conservative synagogue for being completely supportive of the idea of a girl being a rabbi!) then, shortly after my bat mitzvah, i started listening to how patriarchal the *words* of the religion were, and i think also becoming more aware of the politics of the adults' interactions in the synagogue, and it totally turned me off...

i miss a lot of the group/cultural aspects of it--last friday, i ended up having dinner with about 8 queer jewish folk, and it was this completely interesting and bizarre and fabulous experience. one of the reasons i want to move *into* the city rather than an hour away from the city is that i want to be able to drag myself out of bed on saturdays and go to the cool lgbt reconstructionist synagogue. i feel like it's a possible task to reject many of the not-so-good aspects of judaism while embracing some of the better aspects.

but overall, i guess my religion is in the "other" box--i'm kind of buddhist and jewish influenced, with a smattering of pagan, but i practice none of it with even vague consistency.

I believe in God, just not his book.

[ex-fish.livejournal.com]

I self identify as a Christian, attend a Methodist church, I even go to Sunday School. (Though I don't wear blond ringlets in my hair.) Yet, I don't believe in the bible. I mean, I believe it exists, but I don't see it as a true representation of God's word. The way I see, people screw a lot of shit up to make themselves or their cause look good, and I don't for a second believe that after 2,000 years of interpretation, the bible can possibly be accurate at all. I mean, Columbus wasn't even the first European on "American" soil. Yeah, Oops, look what politics can do to a "story".

Why I'm ranting on the bible, though, I don't know. My point is, Christianity, spirituality, life.. its really all up for interpretation. Which I think was your point? So I assume I'm agreeing with you.

[hissyfit.livejournal.com]

i'm actually writing a paper kind of on this subject right this very moment. it's about how a non-gendered god could possibly help trans people feel more connected to god and christianity in general. of course, the ironly lies in the fact that i'm an atheist... but that's beside the point.