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Today in lieu of therapy I had a little breakdown. It worked just as well really. And the beauty is, I get to still have therapy in a few days too.
I was intimate with orthodontists and dentists from a very early age -- too many teeth for too small of a mouth, overbite, misaligned jaw. Seriously, the isht started at age 5 when I had four baby teeth pulled early to make room in my mouth, hoping that all the adult ones would grow in ok, but they didn't, so I had four adult teeth pulled when I was 12, before they put the braces on me. When I was 8, I wore a frankel for a year, which looks like this and it's purpose was to re-align my bite so I wore it for a year or so. I didn't put it together until years later when I was grinding my teeth at night and having jaw pain that maybe this was all connected under the vague diagnosis of TMJ. So anyway, the point is: a) I don't have a fear of dentists, I have a loathing of dental work and unwanted isht in my mouth; and b) tooth pain led to two procedures with my mouth open for an hour and getting my jaw out of whack plus temporary filling that is slightly misaligning my bite, which is making me grind my teeth more at night (and during the day) and the griding make it hurt more, which makes me grind more, etc. etc. The good news is that I'm hoping I can just walk in to my dentist and maybe in 5 minutes he can adjust it the cap.
Then on Saturday night, I started having digestive stuff that has been coming and going for the past three days, and when its gone, I'm totally fine and when its here, its horrible and distracting. I think I need to finally go see my friend who has recently graduated as an herbalist and look into doing something real besides solely googling about my body, which may or may not have IBS or a parasite or whatever.
I don't deal so well with pain, or rather, if it was something acute and intense, maybe I'd be alright, but low-grade constant stuff fcks with my head real bad. So to that, you add some stressors about upcoming trips, falling off of writing routines, not enough alone time, and then a miscommunication that happens to trigger and touch on the dark places I'm looking at anyway, and poof, you get some tears. But then it gets better. And luckily the person I broke down to didn't take it terribly personally.
Yesterday I finished planting everything I bought last week and I'm realizing, damn, I have tons of basil and roma tomato sproutlings. I grew them both from seeds and I wasn't really expecting them to take so well. So I have like, an entire packet, in a window box. I need to separate them soon. Come to my house if you want basil or tomoatos. I have some promised to people, but there's still enough! Bring a can.
I recently watched the movie Jesus Camp and fck, it kinda changed my life. Now that I've spent all this time recounting my health issues, I have no time to recount my recent spiritual issues, including random encounters with butterflies. Oh well. I'm also psyched about camping this weekend, riding a brand-new bike very soon, and flying to SF in less than two weeks. This is what I think of while my stomach is gurgling like mad.
I was intimate with orthodontists and dentists from a very early age -- too many teeth for too small of a mouth, overbite, misaligned jaw. Seriously, the isht started at age 5 when I had four baby teeth pulled early to make room in my mouth, hoping that all the adult ones would grow in ok, but they didn't, so I had four adult teeth pulled when I was 12, before they put the braces on me. When I was 8, I wore a frankel for a year, which looks like this and it's purpose was to re-align my bite so I wore it for a year or so. I didn't put it together until years later when I was grinding my teeth at night and having jaw pain that maybe this was all connected under the vague diagnosis of TMJ. So anyway, the point is: a) I don't have a fear of dentists, I have a loathing of dental work and unwanted isht in my mouth; and b) tooth pain led to two procedures with my mouth open for an hour and getting my jaw out of whack plus temporary filling that is slightly misaligning my bite, which is making me grind my teeth more at night (and during the day) and the griding make it hurt more, which makes me grind more, etc. etc. The good news is that I'm hoping I can just walk in to my dentist and maybe in 5 minutes he can adjust it the cap.
Then on Saturday night, I started having digestive stuff that has been coming and going for the past three days, and when its gone, I'm totally fine and when its here, its horrible and distracting. I think I need to finally go see my friend who has recently graduated as an herbalist and look into doing something real besides solely googling about my body, which may or may not have IBS or a parasite or whatever.
I don't deal so well with pain, or rather, if it was something acute and intense, maybe I'd be alright, but low-grade constant stuff fcks with my head real bad. So to that, you add some stressors about upcoming trips, falling off of writing routines, not enough alone time, and then a miscommunication that happens to trigger and touch on the dark places I'm looking at anyway, and poof, you get some tears. But then it gets better. And luckily the person I broke down to didn't take it terribly personally.
Yesterday I finished planting everything I bought last week and I'm realizing, damn, I have tons of basil and roma tomato sproutlings. I grew them both from seeds and I wasn't really expecting them to take so well. So I have like, an entire packet, in a window box. I need to separate them soon. Come to my house if you want basil or tomoatos. I have some promised to people, but there's still enough! Bring a can.
I recently watched the movie Jesus Camp and fck, it kinda changed my life. Now that I've spent all this time recounting my health issues, I have no time to recount my recent spiritual issues, including random encounters with butterflies. Oh well. I'm also psyched about camping this weekend, riding a brand-new bike very soon, and flying to SF in less than two weeks. This is what I think of while my stomach is gurgling like mad.
