I'm going for a drink at the bar under my bedside table.

[raybear]

The day began okay, but now I'm cranky as all get out. Little things aren't helping -- like the inability to access certain websites I'm addicted to or getting myself prepared for a meeting with the boss only to get pre-empted by a conference call. And my co-workers are annoying the fck out of me too -- I really wish I had a door to shut at times like this. Of course one of them also asked "what are you doing for lunch today?" to which I answered "I brought food from home." They didn't ask if I wanted to eat with them, even though I know that's what they were intending -- but I'm a firm believer in asking the correct questions in order to receive the information you want. Of course, I'm only prolonging the agony, because I'm sure in an hour they'll come back and ask me more explicitly if I want to have lunch with them, and I will say no. I want to be alone and away from the annoying people for one hour of my life, especially since this afternoon I will have two and half hours of talking to annoying strangers via phone.

I can't believe it's only Thursday. When will this tortuous week end? Soon I will go hide in the restroom for 5-10 minutes to regroup. At least I can shut the door and have privacy.

I loved my room as a kid and often voluntarily sent myself there when I was feeling upset or cranky. I preferred to cry or seethe in peace so I could be dramatic and violent without fear of retribution or exposure. Though sometimes I hated that I could only be mad for a limited time period -- I would usually get bored and start reading a book. Then I'd try and induce tears a second time, because I wanted to show my parents how truly wounded I was. Unfortuntely, they NEVER followed the script revisions I gave them and never came upstairs to check on me. I'd wander downstairs to the family room and give up my campaign so I could watch TV.

I used to think they were too clever for me, knowing to just wait the situation out and I would give up without much grief. Looking back, I actually think they rarely noticed. Completely imperceptive to nuances and emotions that go beyond what's actually being said. I'm not sure from where I got my obsession for detail and reading facial expressions and tones of voice. It certainly wasn't them.

Comments

[limenal.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry everything is annoying. I am quite peeved at iyt! I can only offer you this - soon enough, it will be tonight! Soon, my pretty...

ahh, kids.

[bias-cut.livejournal.com]

ray,

i'm so sorry you're having a bad day...and melanie's right. it'll be over soon enough.

but i have to say, i was cracking up when you talked about getting mad as a kid, because that is EXACTLY what i'd do -- get pissed, storm to my room in a huff, get bored, wait for parents to check on me, get bored and go back downstairs, and realize that my parents weren't even thinking of me.

hah. hope you feel better.


kiss,
tara

[hissyfit.livejournal.com]

when i was mad as a kid, i'd go walk around the neighborhood and seethe. however, i was stopped from doing this at one point on my tearful way out the door. my dad yelled "don't you go walking around the neighborhood talking to yourself again. the neighbors will think you're nuts." then i got all embarassed, stormed to my room, and slammed the door three or four times. that'll teach em.