how do you keep the music playing?
May. 23rd, 2002 01:51 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
raybearI'm currently receiving advice on maintaining a long-term relationship in the form of lyrics to How Do You Keep the Music Playing? Almost as good as the tips shared in the song One Hundred Ways which talks about ways to show your woman you love her. I'm only allowed to make fun of these songs because I know every word and love them completely unironically. I'm not necessarily into loving something just because it kitchsy or cheesey -- I often genuinely love the isht.
I feel significantly less cranky than earlier. I'm extremely close to get my vacation time fully approved and I finally had the meeting with the boss. No big deal -- we're just trying to have weekly check-in's for about 15 minutes, but even after 2 1/2 years and fuinally becoming comfortable with interacting with her, I still get slightly intimidated by one-on-one private conversations. I guess if we keep on schedule of doing it every week, I should break this final habit pretty quickly.
Between the onset of spring and my most recent hormone adjustment (going back on a split full dose a couple months ago), my libido is through the fcking roof. I mean, I possess the ability to still fully function without giving into the desire to have sex every time the urge strikes, but it's sort of unbalancing to constantly be caught off-guard by this persistant almost-nagging feeling. I'm extremely grateful that my life partner/roommate is not threatened (and probably amused) by my proclivity for self-satisfaction -- otherwise periods like these could be problematic.
Speaking of hormones, I've been intrigued by recent discussion regarding ethanate vs. cypionate. I think I might experience a slight difference, but nothing extremely significant -- but then I scanned some medical bills and noticed that Cyp. is way more expensive -- I think it was 40-50 dollars for a vial, versus 12 dollars for ethanate. This is according to the doctor's statement -- I don't self-inject. I get one 200 mg shot per month and I'm on "half-dose" androgel everyday (2.5 mg). So it adds up to the equivalent of 400 mg a month, just like if I was getting 2 shots a month. I haven't noticed any significant drop-off -- I DO notice that I'm a bit more energetic and active and horny the first week or so after my shot, but then it gently tapers off but without any crashes or mood swings.
I've been on this dosage for about 3 months now, and my blood work seems fine. I used to be on full-dose androgel every day, no injections, but he dropped my dosage last august because my red blood cell was extremely high, as was my T count. However, a couple months after he dropped my dosage, my bleeding started again. So of course after I confirmed it was not a one or two time freak occurrence, I made him change the dosage in some way -- and booster shots seemed like a good way, because I think the large dose of T shuts down my ovaries.
Sometimes I wish I self-injected, but I'm remarkably responsible when it comes to daily applying my hormones. And if I did inject, I would probably want to weekly inject to avoid the 10 day dropp off, but my ability to remember my weekly shot might be lacking. At least the androgel packets are more mobile and I don't have to worry about getting needles or traveling with them. I wonder if after a hysterectomy how much hormones I'd really need -- the daily gel would probably work just as well as injections once it no longer has to battle the counter-hormones.
Every once in awhile I feel weird about my dependence on hormones. Almost like I will never again be able to go for a long period of time without a drug or a doctor -- like it's some sort of "addiction" in a way, only because of the dependency aspect. Especially if I get surgery and have hormone-producing organs taken away -- then I'll really be stuck, because I can't last very long with nothing. It's sort of a scary thought, but then I think about millions of other folks who have similar dilemmas, like diabetics or other life-long problems or conditions or diseases. It's really the only way I can see "transexuality" as a medical condition -- the constant need for supervision of hormones. I wouldn't mind being categorized in the box and folks with hypogonadism. It's a lot better than being put in the same box as bestiality.
I feel significantly less cranky than earlier. I'm extremely close to get my vacation time fully approved and I finally had the meeting with the boss. No big deal -- we're just trying to have weekly check-in's for about 15 minutes, but even after 2 1/2 years and fuinally becoming comfortable with interacting with her, I still get slightly intimidated by one-on-one private conversations. I guess if we keep on schedule of doing it every week, I should break this final habit pretty quickly.
Between the onset of spring and my most recent hormone adjustment (going back on a split full dose a couple months ago), my libido is through the fcking roof. I mean, I possess the ability to still fully function without giving into the desire to have sex every time the urge strikes, but it's sort of unbalancing to constantly be caught off-guard by this persistant almost-nagging feeling. I'm extremely grateful that my life partner/roommate is not threatened (and probably amused) by my proclivity for self-satisfaction -- otherwise periods like these could be problematic.
Speaking of hormones, I've been intrigued by recent discussion regarding ethanate vs. cypionate. I think I might experience a slight difference, but nothing extremely significant -- but then I scanned some medical bills and noticed that Cyp. is way more expensive -- I think it was 40-50 dollars for a vial, versus 12 dollars for ethanate. This is according to the doctor's statement -- I don't self-inject. I get one 200 mg shot per month and I'm on "half-dose" androgel everyday (2.5 mg). So it adds up to the equivalent of 400 mg a month, just like if I was getting 2 shots a month. I haven't noticed any significant drop-off -- I DO notice that I'm a bit more energetic and active and horny the first week or so after my shot, but then it gently tapers off but without any crashes or mood swings.
I've been on this dosage for about 3 months now, and my blood work seems fine. I used to be on full-dose androgel every day, no injections, but he dropped my dosage last august because my red blood cell was extremely high, as was my T count. However, a couple months after he dropped my dosage, my bleeding started again. So of course after I confirmed it was not a one or two time freak occurrence, I made him change the dosage in some way -- and booster shots seemed like a good way, because I think the large dose of T shuts down my ovaries.
Sometimes I wish I self-injected, but I'm remarkably responsible when it comes to daily applying my hormones. And if I did inject, I would probably want to weekly inject to avoid the 10 day dropp off, but my ability to remember my weekly shot might be lacking. At least the androgel packets are more mobile and I don't have to worry about getting needles or traveling with them. I wonder if after a hysterectomy how much hormones I'd really need -- the daily gel would probably work just as well as injections once it no longer has to battle the counter-hormones.
Every once in awhile I feel weird about my dependence on hormones. Almost like I will never again be able to go for a long period of time without a drug or a doctor -- like it's some sort of "addiction" in a way, only because of the dependency aspect. Especially if I get surgery and have hormone-producing organs taken away -- then I'll really be stuck, because I can't last very long with nothing. It's sort of a scary thought, but then I think about millions of other folks who have similar dilemmas, like diabetics or other life-long problems or conditions or diseases. It's really the only way I can see "transexuality" as a medical condition -- the constant need for supervision of hormones. I wouldn't mind being categorized in the box and folks with hypogonadism. It's a lot better than being put in the same box as bestiality.
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no subject
Date: 2002-05-23 07:07 pm (UTC)I'm with angeltrouble.
Date: 2002-05-23 07:59 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2002-05-24 06:52 pm (UTC)Exactly. The dependency aspect was one of the main uncomfortable areas for me when it came to making the decision about starting hormones, and then continuing them. I got around it to a certain degree by learning how to self-inject, which made me feel a little more independent. And yes, thinking of it in a similar way to diabetes or other long-term disease, except my mind's liable to leap to worst-case 'ah ah, what if they decide to stop tranny treatment, argh argh' scenarios. Apart from fear about the actual operation, I dread losing my ovaries for the very dependence on external hormones that it means. But. Well. I eventually came up with the hit-by-a-bus balance of probability, namely, complications and troubles might well happen, but then, I might well be hit by a bus tomorrow as well. Doesn't stop the uneasy moments however.
On a financial question, how big is a vial? My testy comes prepackaged in individual 250mg shots, which end up costing about A$13 each (seven of your US dollars). It's not possible to buy the cypionate or enanthate in any other form, but I'm intrigued as to the cost-comparison. Patches are way more expensive, and I'm not sure the androgel is available here.
no subject
Date: 2002-05-28 09:03 am (UTC)I end up paying 25 dollars a month for testosterone from the pharmacy -- that's the insured cost of Androgel. And I guess I pay for the T from the doctor's office too, but that's more because the doctor isn't "in my plan", so I"m having to pay for everything until I reah my deductible of 300 dollars for the year, then insurance will kick in and reimburse....why don't I live in a country with socialized medicine? And why does the united states armed forces have medical service that works just like socialized medicine but civilians don't? So confusing.