Suddenly I'm Miss Farrah Fawcett from TV
Jul. 3rd, 2002 11:31 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
raybearWelcome, We love you, We hate you, We love you
I'm too shell-shocked to write a blistering commentary on whatever seedy activites I've been engaging in recently. Eh. But I can't help but think that if I force myself to start typing, some inevitable anecdote or memory will come spilling out.
Would you confess if we asked that you nurture the urge to declare that it’s time to settle down with a man of your own?
My sense of time is all fucked up and really shitty (like Prodigy's attitude). I forgot all about Real World and other fun tv shows last night. I keep forgetting to set my alarm at night and consequently that I must go to work the next. I forget that it's already July and in about one week I'm going on vacation. Sometimes I even forget that it's 2002. I can't believe it's been 10 years since Bill Clinton got elected and before that when I taped the newspaper profiles of all the candidates on the back of my bedroom door. I studied all the information and decided my personal favorite was Paul Tsongas. But damn if I can remember exactly why. He later dropped out because of health issues -- I remember hearing the news while watching tv in the middle of the night in a stranger's guest room in upstate New York. I was on a church choir trip.
Shut your mouth, try not to panic
I do well with travelling because I did it so much as a teenager, often "by myself", which means with a large group of other teenagers and counselor chaperones. But no family or close friends were there, and since I wasn't terribly popular, I often functioned on my own. If I forgot pajamas or lost my toothbrush or ran out of money, I learned how to problem solve out of sheer shame and embarassment and unwillingness to appear vulnerable and uncool in front of anyone else. I'm still really good at travelling and problem-solving, but more because I'm experienced and prepared and laidback.
Give’em what they want, what they want to see and you could be a big star, you could go far
I'm also still motivated by shame and fear of appearing to not 'be together'. It's part of the reason why I rarely ask for directions (though that's also motivated by my belief that I'm never truly lost, paired with the sense of adventure and desire to find the answer on my own. Seriously. I sometimes don't ask for directions for the same reason why I don't want someone to tell me the answer to a brainteaser -- I want to figure it out myself). And the only reason any task ever gets accomplished at work is because I don't want to be perceived as dumb or incapable. I don't have true personal motivation to complete the tasks.
We know your music but of course we'd never buy it, it’s too fake man
I'm obsessed with the idea of having words tattooed on my body. I nearly freaked when I saw the Memento and he took off his shirt. I was probably drooling and staring and creaming myself all at the same time. But most of my words are too fleeting, so I end up dealing in images. People often suggest I get japanese characters of words, but not only does that seem inappropriate since I have not cultural connection to the language, but also it defeats the purpose of having the words. I want people around me to be able to read it easily. I'm just not sure what I want to tell them yet.
I wanted to say something, Oh shut your mouth
Maybe I'll just have someone write "I'm trans" on my back, just like in the pride parade on Sunday.
I'm too shell-shocked to write a blistering commentary on whatever seedy activites I've been engaging in recently. Eh. But I can't help but think that if I force myself to start typing, some inevitable anecdote or memory will come spilling out.
Would you confess if we asked that you nurture the urge to declare that it’s time to settle down with a man of your own?
My sense of time is all fucked up and really shitty (like Prodigy's attitude). I forgot all about Real World and other fun tv shows last night. I keep forgetting to set my alarm at night and consequently that I must go to work the next. I forget that it's already July and in about one week I'm going on vacation. Sometimes I even forget that it's 2002. I can't believe it's been 10 years since Bill Clinton got elected and before that when I taped the newspaper profiles of all the candidates on the back of my bedroom door. I studied all the information and decided my personal favorite was Paul Tsongas. But damn if I can remember exactly why. He later dropped out because of health issues -- I remember hearing the news while watching tv in the middle of the night in a stranger's guest room in upstate New York. I was on a church choir trip.
Shut your mouth, try not to panic
I do well with travelling because I did it so much as a teenager, often "by myself", which means with a large group of other teenagers and counselor chaperones. But no family or close friends were there, and since I wasn't terribly popular, I often functioned on my own. If I forgot pajamas or lost my toothbrush or ran out of money, I learned how to problem solve out of sheer shame and embarassment and unwillingness to appear vulnerable and uncool in front of anyone else. I'm still really good at travelling and problem-solving, but more because I'm experienced and prepared and laidback.
Give’em what they want, what they want to see and you could be a big star, you could go far
I'm also still motivated by shame and fear of appearing to not 'be together'. It's part of the reason why I rarely ask for directions (though that's also motivated by my belief that I'm never truly lost, paired with the sense of adventure and desire to find the answer on my own. Seriously. I sometimes don't ask for directions for the same reason why I don't want someone to tell me the answer to a brainteaser -- I want to figure it out myself). And the only reason any task ever gets accomplished at work is because I don't want to be perceived as dumb or incapable. I don't have true personal motivation to complete the tasks.
We know your music but of course we'd never buy it, it’s too fake man
I'm obsessed with the idea of having words tattooed on my body. I nearly freaked when I saw the Memento and he took off his shirt. I was probably drooling and staring and creaming myself all at the same time. But most of my words are too fleeting, so I end up dealing in images. People often suggest I get japanese characters of words, but not only does that seem inappropriate since I have not cultural connection to the language, but also it defeats the purpose of having the words. I want people around me to be able to read it easily. I'm just not sure what I want to tell them yet.
I wanted to say something, Oh shut your mouth
Maybe I'll just have someone write "I'm trans" on my back, just like in the pride parade on Sunday.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2002-07-03 10:22 am (UTC)We're kindred spirits when it comes to this! I truly envy people who've found something they love and manage to get paid for it.
I was watching a Discovery Channel or Learning Channel documentary on a couple who started caring for orphan bears out of love for the animals. Before long, they were the number one choice of hollywood movie makers when a bear was needed for a movie. They transformed something they love doing into a money-making proposition.
*sigh*
no subject
Date: 2002-07-03 10:45 am (UTC)Anyway, thanks for you comment and stumbling upon my journal. I've added you to my friends page, along with Kieren (based on your recommendation). I really enjoyed taking peeks at both of your journals and look forward to taking closer reads at your words.
Re:
Date: 2002-07-03 10:48 am (UTC)The guy was accepted into every college to which he applied, including Harvard, Yale, Berkeley, University of Chicago, MIT, among others.
I'm really glad I stumbled across his journal, and I'm looking forward to following his life. I just hope he keeps it up. He's heading to Europe for four months, so his postings won't be so frequent. But I'll be they'll be fascinating!
no subject
Date: 2002-07-03 12:53 pm (UTC)thank you! gah. kanji is SO played out anyway.
i had very similar feelings when i saw momento... and i believe that some day i will do something like that. maybe.