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I met her at an AA meeting....oops.
I never go "on a diet". I often monitor my diet, or adjust my diet or even make changes to my diet, but I never go "ON a diet".
But I still do research on them occasionally, just because I'm fascinated by most medical phenomenons, particularly "quick-fix" attempts. I read the labels of Metabolife (herbal speed, as I call it), fondle boxes of Dexatrim and examine the ingredients of the 48 hour Hollywood Diet. The only time I would ever pay money for any of these products would be if I discovered them in the sale bin for 5 dollars or less. But then I reason that if they weren't selling and had to be put on clearance, they must not work. Not that I really believed they would work anyway.
At this point I'm not sure my fixation on quick-fix diets is entirely about my weight -- sure there are times when I wish some parts of my body were shaped a little different, or maybe a little smaller or a little harder. But for the most part I can look at the mirror and say "yeah, I'm pretty cute -- I'd date me." I think most of my feelings are residual, from the teenage years of feeling fat and ugly. Of course, looking back at photos, I was way skinnier then than I am now. but that's how psychological misperception works.
But if I WERE to engage in unhealthy dieting measures (i.e. go on a diet), I'd do the Courtney Cox diet -- nothing by coffee and cigarettes. The caffeine and nicotine would kill all appetite and if I consumed them enough my metabolism would raggedly run at the speed of sound. Of course, my breath would stink big time, I'd feel like shit most of the time, I'd probably stop sleeping for more than 4 hours at a time, and perhaps I'd die of scurvy, but damn wouldn't waistline be trim and my voice sexy?
I guess I figure if I'm going to engage in something to fuck up my body, I'm going to do it "right" as in no half-assing it.
But then something happens like this morning when I drink a cup of coffee without anything in my stomach and I feel completely nauseous and shaky. So I fall of the wagon and make my way downstairs to get a granola bar.
But I still do research on them occasionally, just because I'm fascinated by most medical phenomenons, particularly "quick-fix" attempts. I read the labels of Metabolife (herbal speed, as I call it), fondle boxes of Dexatrim and examine the ingredients of the 48 hour Hollywood Diet. The only time I would ever pay money for any of these products would be if I discovered them in the sale bin for 5 dollars or less. But then I reason that if they weren't selling and had to be put on clearance, they must not work. Not that I really believed they would work anyway.
At this point I'm not sure my fixation on quick-fix diets is entirely about my weight -- sure there are times when I wish some parts of my body were shaped a little different, or maybe a little smaller or a little harder. But for the most part I can look at the mirror and say "yeah, I'm pretty cute -- I'd date me." I think most of my feelings are residual, from the teenage years of feeling fat and ugly. Of course, looking back at photos, I was way skinnier then than I am now. but that's how psychological misperception works.
But if I WERE to engage in unhealthy dieting measures (i.e. go on a diet), I'd do the Courtney Cox diet -- nothing by coffee and cigarettes. The caffeine and nicotine would kill all appetite and if I consumed them enough my metabolism would raggedly run at the speed of sound. Of course, my breath would stink big time, I'd feel like shit most of the time, I'd probably stop sleeping for more than 4 hours at a time, and perhaps I'd die of scurvy, but damn wouldn't waistline be trim and my voice sexy?
I guess I figure if I'm going to engage in something to fuck up my body, I'm going to do it "right" as in no half-assing it.
But then something happens like this morning when I drink a cup of coffee without anything in my stomach and I feel completely nauseous and shaky. So I fall of the wagon and make my way downstairs to get a granola bar.
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Not "funny ha-ha" of course.
Maybe I'm feeling so inarticulate this morning because I haven't had my coffee. Oh, wait, I don't drink coffee.
Guess how old I am? No, guess...
I don't know, 30.
No, I'm 16, but the point is I've never had dairy.
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