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wasting away the moments that make up a dull day
So....I'm doing random research on finding some sort of social type group for gay/bi men. I don't know, maybe a book discussion group or something. Or some sort of community group, though it seems like those tend to focus on specific headings, like coming out or living with HIV or being caretakers. I guess coming out would sort of suit me, since that's sort of my purpose for going, right? It's not like I have a strong sense of my identity as a queer guy.
I'm not sure why I'm feeling the need to go in this direction. I mean, I'm mister queer, mister out, mister working at a gay job, hanging out with gay friends, living in a gay neighborhood, writing in his big gay journal. Or something.
I guess I feel like something's missing as far as me wanting to interact with other gay or bi men (trans or not or both) and see what's there. I think I tend to pigeonhole this feeling as being only about desire, and assume I just need to date/fuck a guy and then it'll be okay. But I'm thinking a smarter place to start would just be a social/support/educational environment, and if dates/friendships come about because of the meetings great, but even if they don't, I'll probably get something out of the experience of just talking and listening.
It's not like I have tons of free time to kill or I'm looking for new set of friends or whatever. But even going out once a month might be helpful -- and I'm also determined to do this in person, and not just join some LJ community or listerv.
I feel really strange about doing this. And even stranger about writing about it.
I'm not sure why I'm feeling the need to go in this direction. I mean, I'm mister queer, mister out, mister working at a gay job, hanging out with gay friends, living in a gay neighborhood, writing in his big gay journal. Or something.
I guess I feel like something's missing as far as me wanting to interact with other gay or bi men (trans or not or both) and see what's there. I think I tend to pigeonhole this feeling as being only about desire, and assume I just need to date/fuck a guy and then it'll be okay. But I'm thinking a smarter place to start would just be a social/support/educational environment, and if dates/friendships come about because of the meetings great, but even if they don't, I'll probably get something out of the experience of just talking and listening.
It's not like I have tons of free time to kill or I'm looking for new set of friends or whatever. But even going out once a month might be helpful -- and I'm also determined to do this in person, and not just join some LJ community or listerv.
I feel really strange about doing this. And even stranger about writing about it.
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even more problematically: i'm a little invested in socializing with gay/bi men who for the most part aren't trans, and (at least at first) being somewhat stealth about it. Not in my entire life, but just for some exposure, some sense of learning how queer men socialize with each other where i'm just kind of invisibly there...
i mean, there's guys in my life, but most of them are either straight-ish gaming geeks or bi-ish guys who tend to spend the majority of their time with dykes. and nothing wrong with either of those categories (after all, these are people i choose to spend my time with!), but there's this whole realm of socializing that is becoming open to me, but that i don't know the rules for...
um...yeah.
uh, yeah, that's sort of more what i was leaning towards in my search too. i mean, i'm not necessarily looking for a group that has no trans guys in it or whatever, but it's more that i want to be a queer guy first (and a trans guy second,if at all), and it's probably primarily bio-guys. like you said, i'm not interested in building my whole life this way, but i do feel a lack of experience in the area.
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Where the Gay Men are
Ray, if you are trying to start a group for gay.bi.queer FTMs, I can recommend reading :Social Services for Transgender Youth:
As far as gay male intimacy and friendship are concerned, many other queer men are exploring the boundaries of that. There does seem be an awful lot of Fuck first, friends later thing. I had it said once that gay men have Fuck Friends, Friends, and maybe a Boyfriend. A fuck Friend can become a freind but a friend can NEVER become a Fuck Buddy.
I learned that lesson when I had a crush on a gay male friend of mine.
So congratulations, this is not a trans-specific dilema!
Let me know how it goes if you find any Bulls or White Sox fans to play ball with!