raybear | tears in my eyes burn.

In life I know there is lots of grief, but your love is my relief.

I used to be a big romantic sap. Walking by the beach at night, having candles with a homemade dinner, slow dancing to certain songs, mailing handwritten letters. All that typical stuff. Then I actually did it with someone, and it felt okay, but I wasn't sure what the big deal was. It didn't last long. I thought I was done with it, that I'd become a practical realistic considerate person who did nice things, but didn't believe in 'romantic notions' that somehow had more meaning than real conversations or thoughtful actions. And it's true -- I still don't think roses are very exciting.

Tears in my eyes burn, while I'm waiting, while I'm waiting for my turn.

But I still have these urges to do random acts, that seem 'romantic' to me. I like the idea of buying someone a slurpee and sitting on the curb outside the 7eleven together. I like going out to nice dinners, and certain meals like tapas or sushi seem more interactive and sensual, though the idea of being at a diner at 2 am works well too.

See, I don't wanna wait in vain for your love.

But the entire operation isn't so much dependent on me as it is the person with/for whom I'm doing these activities. There has to be a proper blend of indulgence without condescension. And the catch-22 is that they can't enjoy it too much. I know that's strange, but if the person puts too much stock in the activities, I don't trust their reactions or reasonings in the rest of the relationship. I gues I want someone who appreciates the spontaneity and goofiness of the activity for what it is, without being too cynical or without having certain requirements and expectations. I don't want to be in the doghouse for not bringing chocolates home on Valentine's day -- that's absurd to me.

I don't wanna wait in vain for your love, 'cause summer is here, I'm still waiting there. Winter is here and I'm still waiting there.

Weddings make me nauseous but not to the point of disruption -- I can still attend and be a fabulous guest. I'm politically and socially opposed to them for myself and as well as the compulsory nature in which society teaches us relationships are best when monogamous and state-sanctioned. I think it's a fine option, but shouldn't be required or standard. And yet....I could plan a fabulous wedding. It would be the proper blend of tradition and quirkyness and politics and sillyness and touching and trite and ridiculous and sweet and loving. And the soundtrack would be killer.

CANCER (Jun 21–Jul 22): You Crabs are more connected to the Moon than other signs, and as such can really feel the intensity of today’s Full Moon. You may feel the emotional tides surge with swells of unexpected anger. Let them wash over you. Feel it, but you don’t have to react to it. If you do get a bit emotionally crazy, at least let others know that you can express something and then let go of it or you can bring harm to an otherwise workable relationship.

tentatively titled
AM Gold
Side One
Waiting in Vain -- Bob Marley
Across the Universe -- Beatles
Wuthering Heights -- Kate Bush
Wouldn't It Be Nice -- Beach Boys
Downtown -- Petula Clark
It Don't Matter To Me -- Bread
Learning To Fly -- Pink Floyd
Black Cow -- Steely Dan
Don't Answer Me -- Alan Parsons Project
Stoned Soul Picnic -- Laura Nyro
Tonight's the Night -- Rod Stewart
You're So Vain -- Carly Simon
(outro) Nightclubbing -- Grace Jones

Side Two TK...