I don't know why you say goodbye when I say hello.

[raybear]

Recently on endogenousardor's journal, there was a discussion about the addition and dropping of friends and the (non/)politics within. We discussed the possibility of an exit interview, just because we're extremely curious as to what exactly made a person leave.

I used to be effronted, offended, and personally injured when I got dropped. I admit it. I admit that I would get angry and feel left out, would feel defensive about my behavior and my personality traits, would feel desperate in my need to explain whatever I wrote that they obviously misinterpreted and they should really come back and love love love me.

I would be lying if I said that today I still don't notice every addition and subtraction to my friends list. But I don't get nearly as bothered.

If I got dropped, I sometimes would keep this person on my friends list anyway, with the hopes they would change their mind or that it was an accident. Or to perhaps show I was a "better person", though I'm not sure how to explain that one. But since I do occasionally make friends-only posts, I decided it's better to drop them back -- since they're no longer interested in the dirty details of my life I won't subject them to the extra privileges.

I sometimes feel bad if someone adds me and I decide not to add them back -- but it's often a time issue. I like being fairly involved in people's journals, rather than skimming every other post which just seems like a waste or other people's guts-spilling. And if we have very little in common and I don't jive with your journal style, I don't want to add someone purely out of guilt.

I don't like being caught in the livejournal feedback group. I'm thrilled that I've had such fabulous experiences with even a dozen people and I don't want to feel like I'm running some sort of popularity contest with myself. I'm supposed to be here to write, and write what I'm thinking and feeling and saying and not crafting entries for public consumption (i.e. being a 'comment whore'). And nothing in this realm can be taken personally because no one knows the 100% me anymore than I know the 100% them. So not liking someone's journal doesn't mean I don't like them -- but even if they don't like me, who cares? Well, I do, but I'm working on not having it effect me as much.

So I will now follow in the footsteps of others and just bid hellos and adieu to all that join and leave the Raybear Game:

Salutations to the more recent additions, including miralouise, katemosey, ladisastre, riotdrake, and zenchump.

A fond farewell to recent departures, including hollyberry79 and griffen.[Also, I recently dropped several people who hadn't updated their journals in months and months and months, but I can't remember all of them -- should you return to LJ-land I would gladly enjoy catching up on your exploits.]

And from now on, anyone should feel free to join or leave at any time -- now's your chance to drop me with no hard feelings. Tired of skimming past so many of my posts? Quick, click on that "Your Friends" link under Your Settings!

Comments

[crafting-change.livejournal.com]

I think we can't help but notice when we are dropped, the key I guess is to keep it in perspective.
I have added several friends whom might never add me, but what they post really enriches my day. Occasionally I am added, and flattered as well.

I feel awkward when folks add me, and I don't add them back, but as you said time is limited, and we should only add people who's lives we won't merely skim over.