What about second breakfast?

[raybear]

I checked my hotmail account this morning and went into the junk mail folder to delete all the messages. Lo and behold, who e-mailed me? None other than America's sweetheart, Julia Roberts! Apparently she was peddling "you've never seen cum action like this" or something to that effect. She's not the girl I used to know, and I was forced to put her on my block list.

This morning I was thinking some more about yesterday (and today's) discussion and a few realizations I've had.

One is the fact that there doesn't seem to be a lack of transguys who are dating people that date trans-but-not-bio, which indicates to me that there's a level of understanding and commonality on this issue that's easily possible. I don't think that just because I don't understand something fully that it shouldn't exist or that someone has to explain it to me. Therefore, I'm quite grateful to folks who share, because I recognize that I don't deserve any obligation of explanation.

Two, just because something is complicated and possibly problematic does NOT mean I think it's wrong or that someone shouldn't be doing it. Sometimes I just want to talk about it and pick it apart and learn more about the how and why. I'd like to believe I think critically about all my own choices and desires as well, not just about what other people are doing.

Three, some of this is my own issue with my changing body (and possibly identity). Before even coming out as FTM, I would say that I was a female-bodied, transgender-gendered. When I came out as FTM, I then became female-bodied, male-gendered. Since physically transitioning, I now feel I am transgender-bodied (or with my new favorite word transsexual-bodied), male-gendered. I fully acknowledge my trans status and my trans body, and I'm even okay with it for the most part, even though I'm still working on being more physically aligned (i.e. surgery). Trans is part of my experience, my brain, my body. But being female isn't, at least not anymore. So while I love women and love grouping myself with them intentionally because I personally choose their company, I don't feel like I am one of them. I never even fully felt like I was when I actually looked like one.

So this is all my personal experience which is obviously at the table with me when I think about the issue. It's a such a strange fine-line, but to be real, I'd rather someone find me hot because I'm trans-bodied than female-bodied. Sure, their intentions could possibly be problematic, but at least they're being honest about their attraction as well as being realistic. (Obviously, in the long run I want my whole package to be desirable, which enables for flexability of future changes in my body, even for common things like aging.)


And in case you're wondering, I'm looking very cute today in my wool baseball sweater, which I can finally wear since it's -3 degrees outside (this is not an exaggeration and this is pre-windchill). I also looked cute when I pulled on my maroon long underwear pants which reminded me of ballet tights so I started doing arabesque moves in the bedroom while half-naked.

Oh, and I had this wicked intense eye-opening therapy experience followed by a tarot reading at Damon's, but I do have a job, you know. So maybe I'll write about that later.

Comments

hot mind = hot body

[(Anonymous)]

(freakysparks' friend cliteacher/manny handson writing) love the topic (and being a voyeur on both of your live journals) you've been discussing lately (although i just checked it out today). given i'm one who can't keep my two cents to myself...as someone who has had many lovers across the full spectrum of genders (bio and trans), i must say that my personal experience is that transmen *are* very different (from an attraction perspective) from bio men (and butch women for that matter) in the sense that the transmen i've been with seem to appreciate gender fluidity much more, don't expect me to be femme all the time or butch all the time (since i'm both), and are (refreshingly suprisingly) less mysogynistic. thus, i can be more myself, and therefore more of an equal despite gender difference. in the end, it's all about the mind that attracts, because if the body's hot, but the mind is not, there's no getting around that after a while. at least in my book.

[noisyspoon.livejournal.com]

hey! i have maroon long underwear pants too!

we'll have to have a PJ party.

[raybear.livejournal.com]

I have forest green ones too. when people see them in the closet together, they comment on how 'christmasy' they look. hello, I don't wear them together, people.

festive

[torreycanyon.livejournal.com]

aah, but you could cut some holes in the green pair and wear them over the other pair. Perhaps acquire some leg warmers as well, then you could really hit the big time as a dancer.

Re: festive

[raybear.livejournal.com]

HA! MAybe I could be the opener for the Christmas Radio City Music Hall Rockettes show.

[brothernumber3.livejournal.com]

i'm thinking about the part you wrote about how your thinking about your identity and body has changed. but i think i may post about it later. but it is good stuff. good stuff i say.

and the thought of you pulling off ballet moves in your maroon long underpants! oh my. i just can't explain how much it please my little dorky heart.

[raybear.livejournal.com]

the phrase "pulling off ballet moves" is a bit lofty. but the word 'attempting' could be used. :)

[freakysparks.livejournal.com]

I agree, the baseball sweater looked very warm and cute!