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raybearHad a good weekend. Started off with drinks on Friday after work with L___. We had a good talk about our friendship, and I really need to be a better friend to her -- i.e. keep her updated more and make more plans to hang out. I also just miss hanging out with her. I've been so disconnected from a lot of people lately, and part of it is Melanie, but probably 2/3 of it is just my own feelings of being withdrawn and muted. But I'm making progress.
On Saturday Melanie and I took a tour of Evanston, and I gave the Raymond Johnson history tour of my college years (and one year post graduation). We had lunch at Davis Street (best chowder ever) and took a tour of the Baha'i Temple. Pretty cool and interesting.
On Sunday, her soccer game was cancelled or defaulted, and then in the afternoon I had a freakout about my body and such and had to go home and be myself for a couple hours. I think I just woke up in a not-especially-happy mood. So when my binding wasn't working well (I basically felt like I wasn't binding at all), plus I felt dirty, unshowered and unshaven, and I didn't like my clothes, and my hair was all fuzzy, and I didn't feel like being around people, but there are always people at Melanie's because she has roommates who are always home....I just sort of couldn't take it all, and I freaked out. In the middle of playing a video game, I just paused it, put on my shoes and coat, grabbed my bags and left. I felt like such a drama queen, but I really wasn't trying to make a scene or make Melanie pay attention to me or anything. I just needed to get away for a bit. I managed to calm down pretty quickly -- I'm getting better at stepping outside of myself and seeing my actions from a non-me perspective and it helps re-ground me. So anyway, that night we went to Duke of Perth for the best fish & chips ever and thing were all good once I had my mini-tantrum and home-time (there was a funny moment at my apt involving my packer cock bouncing off the wall, but I'll just keep that to myself....)
Then yesterday, I had a good hangout with Damon where he made an amazing spread of food. We did a reading, which I hadn't had in awhile, and it was pretty interesting. Lots of reversed cards. I had a near future of reversed Death, and an outcome involving separating my problems out and dealing with them one at a time -- I got like four different court cards of each suit, all reversed. So needless to say, some things are blocked. Which I knew. But I think the most interesting aspect that came from the reading was the idea that I'm using old "tricks" to deal with recurring problems, but that those routines won't work and I need to try a new approach. Hmmm.
I have therapy tonight, but I don't want to go. Typical.
Oh, and off chance that she's reading this, HI MELISSA!!! I'll post a comment on your guestbook soon.
And one last thing -- I finally talked to V___ over the phone. It went well. Not that I was worried. Fear of coming out generally tends to come from emotional investment or fear of retribution, but since I had nothing to lose, it felt painless on my end. But I"m going to try and followup with an e-mail. It's good to have those occasional connections to the far past....
I also feel compelled to have a post about non-monogamy, ethical sluthood, and how it works in my current relationship, but that will have to come later. I must work!
On Saturday Melanie and I took a tour of Evanston, and I gave the Raymond Johnson history tour of my college years (and one year post graduation). We had lunch at Davis Street (best chowder ever) and took a tour of the Baha'i Temple. Pretty cool and interesting.
On Sunday, her soccer game was cancelled or defaulted, and then in the afternoon I had a freakout about my body and such and had to go home and be myself for a couple hours. I think I just woke up in a not-especially-happy mood. So when my binding wasn't working well (I basically felt like I wasn't binding at all), plus I felt dirty, unshowered and unshaven, and I didn't like my clothes, and my hair was all fuzzy, and I didn't feel like being around people, but there are always people at Melanie's because she has roommates who are always home....I just sort of couldn't take it all, and I freaked out. In the middle of playing a video game, I just paused it, put on my shoes and coat, grabbed my bags and left. I felt like such a drama queen, but I really wasn't trying to make a scene or make Melanie pay attention to me or anything. I just needed to get away for a bit. I managed to calm down pretty quickly -- I'm getting better at stepping outside of myself and seeing my actions from a non-me perspective and it helps re-ground me. So anyway, that night we went to Duke of Perth for the best fish & chips ever and thing were all good once I had my mini-tantrum and home-time (there was a funny moment at my apt involving my packer cock bouncing off the wall, but I'll just keep that to myself....)
Then yesterday, I had a good hangout with Damon where he made an amazing spread of food. We did a reading, which I hadn't had in awhile, and it was pretty interesting. Lots of reversed cards. I had a near future of reversed Death, and an outcome involving separating my problems out and dealing with them one at a time -- I got like four different court cards of each suit, all reversed. So needless to say, some things are blocked. Which I knew. But I think the most interesting aspect that came from the reading was the idea that I'm using old "tricks" to deal with recurring problems, but that those routines won't work and I need to try a new approach. Hmmm.
I have therapy tonight, but I don't want to go. Typical.
Oh, and off chance that she's reading this, HI MELISSA!!! I'll post a comment on your guestbook soon.
And one last thing -- I finally talked to V___ over the phone. It went well. Not that I was worried. Fear of coming out generally tends to come from emotional investment or fear of retribution, but since I had nothing to lose, it felt painless on my end. But I"m going to try and followup with an e-mail. It's good to have those occasional connections to the far past....
I also feel compelled to have a post about non-monogamy, ethical sluthood, and how it works in my current relationship, but that will have to come later. I must work!
