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raybearHad a good weekend. Started off with drinks on Friday after work with L___. We had a good talk about our friendship, and I really need to be a better friend to her -- i.e. keep her updated more and make more plans to hang out. I also just miss hanging out with her. I've been so disconnected from a lot of people lately, and part of it is Melanie, but probably 2/3 of it is just my own feelings of being withdrawn and muted. But I'm making progress.
On Saturday Melanie and I took a tour of Evanston, and I gave the Raymond Johnson history tour of my college years (and one year post graduation). We had lunch at Davis Street (best chowder ever) and took a tour of the Baha'i Temple. Pretty cool and interesting.
On Sunday, her soccer game was cancelled or defaulted, and then in the afternoon I had a freakout about my body and such and had to go home and be myself for a couple hours. I think I just woke up in a not-especially-happy mood. So when my binding wasn't working well (I basically felt like I wasn't binding at all), plus I felt dirty, unshowered and unshaven, and I didn't like my clothes, and my hair was all fuzzy, and I didn't feel like being around people, but there are always people at Melanie's because she has roommates who are always home....I just sort of couldn't take it all, and I freaked out. In the middle of playing a video game, I just paused it, put on my shoes and coat, grabbed my bags and left. I felt like such a drama queen, but I really wasn't trying to make a scene or make Melanie pay attention to me or anything. I just needed to get away for a bit. I managed to calm down pretty quickly -- I'm getting better at stepping outside of myself and seeing my actions from a non-me perspective and it helps re-ground me. So anyway, that night we went to Duke of Perth for the best fish & chips ever and thing were all good once I had my mini-tantrum and home-time (there was a funny moment at my apt involving my packer cock bouncing off the wall, but I'll just keep that to myself....)
Then yesterday, I had a good hangout with Damon where he made an amazing spread of food. We did a reading, which I hadn't had in awhile, and it was pretty interesting. Lots of reversed cards. I had a near future of reversed Death, and an outcome involving separating my problems out and dealing with them one at a time -- I got like four different court cards of each suit, all reversed. So needless to say, some things are blocked. Which I knew. But I think the most interesting aspect that came from the reading was the idea that I'm using old "tricks" to deal with recurring problems, but that those routines won't work and I need to try a new approach. Hmmm.
I have therapy tonight, but I don't want to go. Typical.
Oh, and off chance that she's reading this, HI MELISSA!!! I'll post a comment on your guestbook soon.
And one last thing -- I finally talked to V___ over the phone. It went well. Not that I was worried. Fear of coming out generally tends to come from emotional investment or fear of retribution, but since I had nothing to lose, it felt painless on my end. But I"m going to try and followup with an e-mail. It's good to have those occasional connections to the far past....
I also feel compelled to have a post about non-monogamy, ethical sluthood, and how it works in my current relationship, but that will have to come later. I must work!
On Saturday Melanie and I took a tour of Evanston, and I gave the Raymond Johnson history tour of my college years (and one year post graduation). We had lunch at Davis Street (best chowder ever) and took a tour of the Baha'i Temple. Pretty cool and interesting.
On Sunday, her soccer game was cancelled or defaulted, and then in the afternoon I had a freakout about my body and such and had to go home and be myself for a couple hours. I think I just woke up in a not-especially-happy mood. So when my binding wasn't working well (I basically felt like I wasn't binding at all), plus I felt dirty, unshowered and unshaven, and I didn't like my clothes, and my hair was all fuzzy, and I didn't feel like being around people, but there are always people at Melanie's because she has roommates who are always home....I just sort of couldn't take it all, and I freaked out. In the middle of playing a video game, I just paused it, put on my shoes and coat, grabbed my bags and left. I felt like such a drama queen, but I really wasn't trying to make a scene or make Melanie pay attention to me or anything. I just needed to get away for a bit. I managed to calm down pretty quickly -- I'm getting better at stepping outside of myself and seeing my actions from a non-me perspective and it helps re-ground me. So anyway, that night we went to Duke of Perth for the best fish & chips ever and thing were all good once I had my mini-tantrum and home-time (there was a funny moment at my apt involving my packer cock bouncing off the wall, but I'll just keep that to myself....)
Then yesterday, I had a good hangout with Damon where he made an amazing spread of food. We did a reading, which I hadn't had in awhile, and it was pretty interesting. Lots of reversed cards. I had a near future of reversed Death, and an outcome involving separating my problems out and dealing with them one at a time -- I got like four different court cards of each suit, all reversed. So needless to say, some things are blocked. Which I knew. But I think the most interesting aspect that came from the reading was the idea that I'm using old "tricks" to deal with recurring problems, but that those routines won't work and I need to try a new approach. Hmmm.
I have therapy tonight, but I don't want to go. Typical.
Oh, and off chance that she's reading this, HI MELISSA!!! I'll post a comment on your guestbook soon.
And one last thing -- I finally talked to V___ over the phone. It went well. Not that I was worried. Fear of coming out generally tends to come from emotional investment or fear of retribution, but since I had nothing to lose, it felt painless on my end. But I"m going to try and followup with an e-mail. It's good to have those occasional connections to the far past....
I also feel compelled to have a post about non-monogamy, ethical sluthood, and how it works in my current relationship, but that will have to come later. I must work!
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hey
i could go on about sXe for a while. i've actually done a lot of school stuff on sXe culture & drug free youth lifestyles & ageism & such for school. i dont fit into a lot of the stereotypes & images of sXe kids -- i'm female, lesbian, preppy, although i like straightedge punk, i listen to more than that & none of my friends are sXe. i totally understand what you mean about the fakers, their are quite a lot of them unfortunatly. also there has been a really militant vegan movt in the lifestyle in the past couple years and kids who are really hardcore sXe, i.e. not taking asprin, caffine, etc. this also puts me in an interesting place, b/c i eat meat & drink a whole lotta mountain dew. the movt in general is very white, very boi male, very straight, very middle class, etc. there is a growing # of boi girls, spanish-speaking & religious sXe kids tho, which is interesting as well.
the work i have done has been focused on expanding the ideology to peer education & looking at the politics of youth & drug policy. oh yeah, i'm a nerd & i love it :)
well, i'm sure thats way more than you needed to know, but i'm always up for a good political rambling. hehehe.
thanks for your comments (we straightedge kids are always looking for allies) & talk to ya later
--c