![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
raybearLast night I woke up again at 1:50 am. Second night in a row. Though at least this time I wasn't jolted awake by a dream character commanding me to 'wake up!', and instead it was more of a gentle waking where I felt nearly well-rested so I rolled over to look at the clock and see if it was near time to get up. Nope, I'd only just taken a two hour nap. Technically it wasn't 1:50 am since the alarm clock runs fifteen minutes fast. But I'm still a little spooked.
Yesterday after work I ignored the "should's" in my head and went with Damon to the gaming store so he could buy the new Zelda game. I decided what I really should do is hang out with my best friend because I haven't had much time with him lately. Afterwards we swung by Horizons then walked back to my place for a beverage, some dinner, and Buffy. For dessert we watched Sifl&Olly. Oh my. Oh my. It's good to laugh. Why the hell are those sock puppets so fcking funny? I should stop talking about it here because when I subject other people to it later, they'll just think I'm crazy. I did feel validated that Damon was cracking up and even MelRo too, from the other room when she randomly heard bits and pieces.
I feel a little shell-shocked lately. My mind very quickly and quietly slips into alternate universes where there's not much going on. I find myself counting stones on bridges I'm riding over, or naming colors on the shirts of people on the train, or even some other strange imaginary games or thought patterns and as soon as I get jolted awake, either by myself or by someone asking "are you okay?", I immediately forget everything I was just thinking. My mind is suddenly a total and absolute blank.
I should take this opportunity to meditate with such a clean slate. Though of course I'm sure once I sit and close my eyes, intentionally clearing my mind, all sort of drawers will fly open and files will spill everywhere. Even last night when my back and shoulders were being rubbed, I was experiencing the phenomenon of body-stored memories being released. Nothing traumatic or anything, but one knot had random memories of New York City, not even all from the same trip, and another had memories of just last month, though not anything expressly significant: I was just suddenly standing in a convenience store selecting a Vitamin!Water. There was a lot more, but I was trying to release them along with the muscle tension. Sitting by the river, watching them pass by like leaves floating with the current.
I know why it's happening, I think. I'm no longer pushing and shoving forward, possesed by a spirit of overwhelming anxiety and desire. This is a good thing. I mean, don't get me wrong -- I'm still future-tripping with the best of them. But there was definitely an element of running away in my freight train of emotions, and not even just the bad stuff. And now things are catching up. I'm so late sometimes. But I feel right on my own time.
Courtesy of Astrologyzone.com
Cancer: Time Inside Your Little Shell
When a Cancer is stressed out, the little crab will pull his shell over his head and refuse to discuss things with anyone. This is Cancer's self-protective device, and friends and family have probably gotten used to this in you. Water signs need regular time alone, especially in turbulent times, so don't discount this need if you yearn for it. Still, Cancer needs tender loving care in tough times, so don't stay out of touch too long. If you love and trust a partner, get the affection you need, even if you can't get the words out.
Cancers have the capacity to remember events and details well, but this can occasionally get in your way when you allow your past to overly influence your future. Some new experiences are just that--new--and you won't have any past references to prepare you or guide you. Whether you buy the wrong car, make the wrong recommendations at work or handle a relationship less diplomatically than you should have, as a Cancer you will tend to later beat yourself up with Monday morning quarterbacking. In other words, your "coulda, shoulda, woulda" tendencies hold you back. Let go, little crab! Don't torture yourself that way!
Realize too, that emotionally, you are a delayed reactor. Cancers tend to stay in situations long after they have outlived their usefulness, mainly out of habit, misplaced loyalty or fear of making the wrong decision. As one CEO once remarked, to double your successes you might have to double your failure rate. Life is a creative process, and as such, there will occasionally be some wasted effort. That shouldn't stop you from pressing forward!
Your secret asset is your profound intuition, so use it to find solutions. It is waiting to help you. Don't ignore that tiny inner voice of yours that wants to be heard, no matter what your intellect is telling you. If you are pulled in two directions, follow instinct over logic. The reasons usually do appear later, and should give you confidence to continue to follow your hunches. Your cardinal nature will boost your ability to deal with change and help to investigate a number of opportunities.
Cancer is soothed by walking barefooted by the sea, collecting shells, or sailing. If you do feel like a little company, make it someone as equally sensitive as you, perhaps a Pisces, or a practical Capricorn, someone who will not criticize you or tear you down. Perhaps the two of you would like to go rowing, and pack a little picnic that you can enjoy in a quiet, private place.
In the beginning period of your stress, when you first hear that your boss is on your case, that your girlfriend wants to date others, that your kid is getting terrible marks--your stomach will start refusing food. Eating rice pudding, vanilla custard, mashed potatoes, bananas with sugar and cream and other comfort foods from childhood are your best bets (pick one) until you get a grip. Later you will be feeling better and can add other items to your diet.
Cooking is a favorite activity of Cancer, so you might want to fool around in the kitchen even if you don't feel much like eating yourself (certainly you won't find your family complaining). The creativity will engross you and give you pleasure. Cancers enjoy all parts of the process: carefully going over the recipes in your favorite books, shopping for the ingredients, even going apple picking for the perfect apple pie or fussing at the green market for the freshest herbs, the creative work in the kitchen, and the finally, the closeness you achieve with adoring family or friends at your table.
Your moon-ruled sign would enjoy playing with a child as a great way to let go of tension. Mind a cute little baby for an hour or two, and soon you will have forgotten your problems while you bounce the baby on the bed or crawl around the floor playing hide-and-seek. You'll soon be giggling together and singing songs. Borrow a 6-year-old and go to the circus--your stress will disappear, guaranteed. Even older children are a real plus for Cancers, since they can communicate with them easily. Some people find peace with pets--Cancer finds it with children.
Since you are very sensitive to your home surroundings, when you feel blue, try rearranging your furniture. Buy a new red pillow for your couch, put a hand drawing of a sailing vessel over your desk, or buy a copper bowl to whip egg whites the proper way. Draw up dream plans to renovate your kitchen, bath, or new guest room, when things improve. The process of fantasizing about what you would like to have happen next will be highly productive for you. Take a friend to the boat show and imagine owning your favorite craft. Dream about the work you really want to do, and see yourself in the environment, down to every detail--smell the rich hot coffee in your cup, see your office and even the view out your window. Yours is a creative sign, and fantasizing is one of your best methods to effect change.
Yesterday after work I ignored the "should's" in my head and went with Damon to the gaming store so he could buy the new Zelda game. I decided what I really should do is hang out with my best friend because I haven't had much time with him lately. Afterwards we swung by Horizons then walked back to my place for a beverage, some dinner, and Buffy. For dessert we watched Sifl&Olly. Oh my. Oh my. It's good to laugh. Why the hell are those sock puppets so fcking funny? I should stop talking about it here because when I subject other people to it later, they'll just think I'm crazy. I did feel validated that Damon was cracking up and even MelRo too, from the other room when she randomly heard bits and pieces.
I feel a little shell-shocked lately. My mind very quickly and quietly slips into alternate universes where there's not much going on. I find myself counting stones on bridges I'm riding over, or naming colors on the shirts of people on the train, or even some other strange imaginary games or thought patterns and as soon as I get jolted awake, either by myself or by someone asking "are you okay?", I immediately forget everything I was just thinking. My mind is suddenly a total and absolute blank.
I should take this opportunity to meditate with such a clean slate. Though of course I'm sure once I sit and close my eyes, intentionally clearing my mind, all sort of drawers will fly open and files will spill everywhere. Even last night when my back and shoulders were being rubbed, I was experiencing the phenomenon of body-stored memories being released. Nothing traumatic or anything, but one knot had random memories of New York City, not even all from the same trip, and another had memories of just last month, though not anything expressly significant: I was just suddenly standing in a convenience store selecting a Vitamin!Water. There was a lot more, but I was trying to release them along with the muscle tension. Sitting by the river, watching them pass by like leaves floating with the current.
I know why it's happening, I think. I'm no longer pushing and shoving forward, possesed by a spirit of overwhelming anxiety and desire. This is a good thing. I mean, don't get me wrong -- I'm still future-tripping with the best of them. But there was definitely an element of running away in my freight train of emotions, and not even just the bad stuff. And now things are catching up. I'm so late sometimes. But I feel right on my own time.
Courtesy of Astrologyzone.com
Cancer: Time Inside Your Little Shell
When a Cancer is stressed out, the little crab will pull his shell over his head and refuse to discuss things with anyone. This is Cancer's self-protective device, and friends and family have probably gotten used to this in you. Water signs need regular time alone, especially in turbulent times, so don't discount this need if you yearn for it. Still, Cancer needs tender loving care in tough times, so don't stay out of touch too long. If you love and trust a partner, get the affection you need, even if you can't get the words out.
Cancers have the capacity to remember events and details well, but this can occasionally get in your way when you allow your past to overly influence your future. Some new experiences are just that--new--and you won't have any past references to prepare you or guide you. Whether you buy the wrong car, make the wrong recommendations at work or handle a relationship less diplomatically than you should have, as a Cancer you will tend to later beat yourself up with Monday morning quarterbacking. In other words, your "coulda, shoulda, woulda" tendencies hold you back. Let go, little crab! Don't torture yourself that way!
Realize too, that emotionally, you are a delayed reactor. Cancers tend to stay in situations long after they have outlived their usefulness, mainly out of habit, misplaced loyalty or fear of making the wrong decision. As one CEO once remarked, to double your successes you might have to double your failure rate. Life is a creative process, and as such, there will occasionally be some wasted effort. That shouldn't stop you from pressing forward!
Your secret asset is your profound intuition, so use it to find solutions. It is waiting to help you. Don't ignore that tiny inner voice of yours that wants to be heard, no matter what your intellect is telling you. If you are pulled in two directions, follow instinct over logic. The reasons usually do appear later, and should give you confidence to continue to follow your hunches. Your cardinal nature will boost your ability to deal with change and help to investigate a number of opportunities.
Cancer is soothed by walking barefooted by the sea, collecting shells, or sailing. If you do feel like a little company, make it someone as equally sensitive as you, perhaps a Pisces, or a practical Capricorn, someone who will not criticize you or tear you down. Perhaps the two of you would like to go rowing, and pack a little picnic that you can enjoy in a quiet, private place.
In the beginning period of your stress, when you first hear that your boss is on your case, that your girlfriend wants to date others, that your kid is getting terrible marks--your stomach will start refusing food. Eating rice pudding, vanilla custard, mashed potatoes, bananas with sugar and cream and other comfort foods from childhood are your best bets (pick one) until you get a grip. Later you will be feeling better and can add other items to your diet.
Cooking is a favorite activity of Cancer, so you might want to fool around in the kitchen even if you don't feel much like eating yourself (certainly you won't find your family complaining). The creativity will engross you and give you pleasure. Cancers enjoy all parts of the process: carefully going over the recipes in your favorite books, shopping for the ingredients, even going apple picking for the perfect apple pie or fussing at the green market for the freshest herbs, the creative work in the kitchen, and the finally, the closeness you achieve with adoring family or friends at your table.
Your moon-ruled sign would enjoy playing with a child as a great way to let go of tension. Mind a cute little baby for an hour or two, and soon you will have forgotten your problems while you bounce the baby on the bed or crawl around the floor playing hide-and-seek. You'll soon be giggling together and singing songs. Borrow a 6-year-old and go to the circus--your stress will disappear, guaranteed. Even older children are a real plus for Cancers, since they can communicate with them easily. Some people find peace with pets--Cancer finds it with children.
Since you are very sensitive to your home surroundings, when you feel blue, try rearranging your furniture. Buy a new red pillow for your couch, put a hand drawing of a sailing vessel over your desk, or buy a copper bowl to whip egg whites the proper way. Draw up dream plans to renovate your kitchen, bath, or new guest room, when things improve. The process of fantasizing about what you would like to have happen next will be highly productive for you. Take a friend to the boat show and imagine owning your favorite craft. Dream about the work you really want to do, and see yourself in the environment, down to every detail--smell the rich hot coffee in your cup, see your office and even the view out your window. Yours is a creative sign, and fantasizing is one of your best methods to effect change.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
early in the morning
Date: 2003-03-26 01:25 pm (UTC)doing yoga often releases stored body memory for many. it's not uncommon for people to get angry or start crying or laugh as the case may be.
no subject
Date: 2003-03-26 09:57 pm (UTC)sometimes "so late" simply is right on time.
no subject
Date: 2003-03-26 10:50 pm (UTC)