A visitation from Ren/Wren
Apr. 15th, 2003 09:58 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
raybearLast night we watched the documentary Hell House which was possibly scarier than The Ring, since those people are real. It was also psychologically unnerving in a different way, since it was pulling up all sorts of experiences from my adolescent years spent in the church youth group. Not that we ever did a Hell House, attended a Hell House, or even had a theology that matched those Hell House churches, but god knows some of those people were around me some, because Christians come in all shapes and sizes and levels of damnation, and they can intermingle occasionally at large events like summer choir camp and mission trips.
Despite the troubling movie as well as some unnerving feelings and conversations at bedtime, everything felt resolved and positive, even if not concluded and I fell asleep fairly settled. I drifted off around 11:30ish maybe.
I had a thousand dreams. I don't remember them all so don't worry, I won't recount them. Until I got to the waking dream, the one that explained things.
I was in a house that wasn't mine, in another town. I was supposed to meet this person who lives there, someone I knew but hadn't met before, and I knew I was supposed to help them with something. I woke up in the house and realized there was no way I could possibly meet this person and help them -- I was incapable, plus I was tired and drained and needing sleep. But I looked at the clock and realized it was too late to call and cancel. So I had to hide in the bedroom and turn off the lights and wait for them to ring the doorbell until I didn't answer, then go away. I had no guilt about how I was handling this blowoff.
The person came to the door before I could get to the bedroom, away from windows. I froze and didn't move. The bell rang once and only once. I thought they'd gone away, then feared the other person in the house let them in on my behalf, because I forgot to tell them I was hiding from someone. I go to the foyer and there are three creatures, two of them cats, one of the cat-like. My brain invented this animal.
These animals had been let in, and I was about to feel relieved that the person I was avoiding didn't show, when I suddenly remembered something about the person -- this spirit had the power to transform into a wren. I was thinking, but this is a cat-creature, not a bird. Then I realized the spirit had the power to transfrom into Ren, not "a wren". And this cat-creature was Ren. I knew the spirit was in danger which is why it transformed, to avoid capture. I felt sympathetic for it, and didn't mind that it was in my house. I was trying to corner the creature and tell it "I know, I know who you are, I know you're Ren". At one point I was invoking the name of![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
watrfae, though not her real name, I was actually saying "watrfae" to this creature, like I was name-dropping or something, possibly because watrfae had explained the concept of Ren to me and/or knew Ren. I remember I was trying to establish trust in me so Ren would feel transform back and explain things to me.
Ren didn't transform though. Then I realized both Ren and one of the cats was on fire -- not in a blazing sort of way, but more that parts of their fur were smoldering the way a cigarette or incense stick burns. They didn't seem to notice what was happening, and I started chasing them around, trying to pet them and smother the embers/fire out. They were resistant, in part because they thought I was trying to play/chase them around. I grew frustrated, and finally realized I couldn't help Ren, and that Ren needed to leave or I did.
So I did. The dream ended abruptly and I jumped into another. I had hundreds more afterwards, right in a row, all quick flashes and scenes and in EVERY one, I was having techinical difficulties because an outside force was sabotaging me. In one I was trying to edit a picture on the computer, but whenever I erased a section, a portion of it would remain. In another dream I would play a CD and select a song, but another song would play instead. In every case, I knew this entity was responsible and trying to get my attention. They were relentless and, at times, mocking.
I woke up in dream frustration and waking frustration -- Sophie was barking excessively. She doesn't bark too much, though with the windows being open the past couple days it's been a bit more often. Sometimes she'll bark once or twice during the night at loud noises outside or overhead, but she rarely keeps at it, especially after I say "no" and kick her off the bed. But she was relentless. I finally got out of bed, opened the bedroom door, and she bolted towards the front door, practically howling. I shut the door and got back into bed. Everything felt wrong and scary.
I got up and went to the front door. I hushed her. My neighbors passed by the door, but they weren't excessively loud and they seemed to just be arriving, not like they've been traipsing around for several minutes. I looked at the door and it was completely unlocked.
Now there's a small chance I did lock it after my houseguest arrived and it got mysteriously unlocked. More likely though is that I forgot to lock it after her, though I'm sure this mistake possibly allowed the entry of the spirit.
I locked the door and realized I couldn't just go back to sleep. I would continue to be pestered. I remember the creatures' long dark fur and how it burned liked incense.....or like the blackened ends of my sage smudging stick. I pulled it off the shelf and lit it in the bedroom, waving it around, apologizing for the spirit for my inability to help them in their journey but insisting they had to leave. I then smoked out other rooms, including the kitchen (part of me wondered if I actually pulled the spirit out myself this evening when I finally mopped the floor and rearranged all the counters), the living room, and finally the foyer and front door.
It felt over and done, though I was still a little shaken and disturbed. I went back to bed and Sophie seemed ready to go back to sleep. The person in bed with me remained asleep the entire time. At one point when I was out of the bedroom, I worried about leaving her alone in the bedroom, but I just knew that the spirit was disturbing me alone (though possibly Sophie by proxy) and following me around the house, not remaining in the bed. (Plus, she's such a heavy sleeper, she'd probably resist any visitation from an apparition or energy force -- they'd have to leave a message or try back during the day.) I watched a little television (including some porn) to take my mind off the entire incident. Then I returned to bed, turned on the bedside light and read a few pages of a book, and finally felt tired and relaxed enough to drift back again safely.
Part of me wants to know who Ren is. Most of me wants to let it go, because I obviously wasn't capable of helping them out. I'm just glad I knew how to bid them adieu.
Despite the troubling movie as well as some unnerving feelings and conversations at bedtime, everything felt resolved and positive, even if not concluded and I fell asleep fairly settled. I drifted off around 11:30ish maybe.
I had a thousand dreams. I don't remember them all so don't worry, I won't recount them. Until I got to the waking dream, the one that explained things.
I was in a house that wasn't mine, in another town. I was supposed to meet this person who lives there, someone I knew but hadn't met before, and I knew I was supposed to help them with something. I woke up in the house and realized there was no way I could possibly meet this person and help them -- I was incapable, plus I was tired and drained and needing sleep. But I looked at the clock and realized it was too late to call and cancel. So I had to hide in the bedroom and turn off the lights and wait for them to ring the doorbell until I didn't answer, then go away. I had no guilt about how I was handling this blowoff.
The person came to the door before I could get to the bedroom, away from windows. I froze and didn't move. The bell rang once and only once. I thought they'd gone away, then feared the other person in the house let them in on my behalf, because I forgot to tell them I was hiding from someone. I go to the foyer and there are three creatures, two of them cats, one of the cat-like. My brain invented this animal.
These animals had been let in, and I was about to feel relieved that the person I was avoiding didn't show, when I suddenly remembered something about the person -- this spirit had the power to transform into a wren. I was thinking, but this is a cat-creature, not a bird. Then I realized the spirit had the power to transfrom into Ren, not "a wren". And this cat-creature was Ren. I knew the spirit was in danger which is why it transformed, to avoid capture. I felt sympathetic for it, and didn't mind that it was in my house. I was trying to corner the creature and tell it "I know, I know who you are, I know you're Ren". At one point I was invoking the name of
watrfae, though not her real name, I was actually saying "watrfae" to this creature, like I was name-dropping or something, possibly because watrfae had explained the concept of Ren to me and/or knew Ren. I remember I was trying to establish trust in me so Ren would feel transform back and explain things to me.Ren didn't transform though. Then I realized both Ren and one of the cats was on fire -- not in a blazing sort of way, but more that parts of their fur were smoldering the way a cigarette or incense stick burns. They didn't seem to notice what was happening, and I started chasing them around, trying to pet them and smother the embers/fire out. They were resistant, in part because they thought I was trying to play/chase them around. I grew frustrated, and finally realized I couldn't help Ren, and that Ren needed to leave or I did.
So I did. The dream ended abruptly and I jumped into another. I had hundreds more afterwards, right in a row, all quick flashes and scenes and in EVERY one, I was having techinical difficulties because an outside force was sabotaging me. In one I was trying to edit a picture on the computer, but whenever I erased a section, a portion of it would remain. In another dream I would play a CD and select a song, but another song would play instead. In every case, I knew this entity was responsible and trying to get my attention. They were relentless and, at times, mocking.
I woke up in dream frustration and waking frustration -- Sophie was barking excessively. She doesn't bark too much, though with the windows being open the past couple days it's been a bit more often. Sometimes she'll bark once or twice during the night at loud noises outside or overhead, but she rarely keeps at it, especially after I say "no" and kick her off the bed. But she was relentless. I finally got out of bed, opened the bedroom door, and she bolted towards the front door, practically howling. I shut the door and got back into bed. Everything felt wrong and scary.
I got up and went to the front door. I hushed her. My neighbors passed by the door, but they weren't excessively loud and they seemed to just be arriving, not like they've been traipsing around for several minutes. I looked at the door and it was completely unlocked.
Now there's a small chance I did lock it after my houseguest arrived and it got mysteriously unlocked. More likely though is that I forgot to lock it after her, though I'm sure this mistake possibly allowed the entry of the spirit.
I locked the door and realized I couldn't just go back to sleep. I would continue to be pestered. I remember the creatures' long dark fur and how it burned liked incense.....or like the blackened ends of my sage smudging stick. I pulled it off the shelf and lit it in the bedroom, waving it around, apologizing for the spirit for my inability to help them in their journey but insisting they had to leave. I then smoked out other rooms, including the kitchen (part of me wondered if I actually pulled the spirit out myself this evening when I finally mopped the floor and rearranged all the counters), the living room, and finally the foyer and front door.
It felt over and done, though I was still a little shaken and disturbed. I went back to bed and Sophie seemed ready to go back to sleep. The person in bed with me remained asleep the entire time. At one point when I was out of the bedroom, I worried about leaving her alone in the bedroom, but I just knew that the spirit was disturbing me alone (though possibly Sophie by proxy) and following me around the house, not remaining in the bed. (Plus, she's such a heavy sleeper, she'd probably resist any visitation from an apparition or energy force -- they'd have to leave a message or try back during the day.) I watched a little television (including some porn) to take my mind off the entire incident. Then I returned to bed, turned on the bedside light and read a few pages of a book, and finally felt tired and relaxed enough to drift back again safely.
Part of me wants to know who Ren is. Most of me wants to let it go, because I obviously wasn't capable of helping them out. I'm just glad I knew how to bid them adieu.
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no subject
Date: 2003-04-15 08:59 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-04-15 09:07 am (UTC)Re:
Date: 2003-04-15 09:25 am (UTC)Often our spirit animals will tap us (bothering our dreams, etc..) if they think we are ready, but it isn't a path we have taken yet.
Doing Shamanistic Journeying (I have found this is true for me at least) does really in depth work that therapy can't. You can do further work on family ties, identity, etc. Also there is a connection with Shamans and the very nature of Trans.
no subject
Date: 2003-04-15 09:44 am (UTC)Re:
Date: 2003-04-15 10:03 am (UTC)Often when we think we are 'helping' our soon to be spirit guides, we are fixing a part of ourselves.
no subject
Date: 2003-04-15 09:33 am (UTC)The girls in TL would probably tell you to keep a glass of water high up in your room to attract bad energies and soak them up. Or an apple.
no subject
Date: 2003-04-15 09:47 am (UTC)Also, do you know the Suzanne Vega song "Honeymoon Suite" where she describes her husband being visited by ghosts in a hotel room in his dreams and how it astounded her to be so close to him while sleeping and have no idea what was going on? I thought of that song immediately this morning.
Re:
Date: 2003-04-15 09:50 am (UTC)my ex used to say there was a visitor to her at night and i had to ask her to please ask it not to come over when i was sleeping there. creep-eeeeee!
no subject
Date: 2003-04-15 09:58 am (UTC)Also, my apartment isn't usually haunted, so please don't let it scare you off from coming over to visit and playing Pictionary. Also, I'm a big fan/believer in the use of burning sage as a way of spiritualling cleansing a space and driving out negative/misplaced energy. In case you're now worried and wanting to have protection in the house that's not a shotgun under the bed.
Re:
Date: 2003-04-15 10:00 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-04-15 02:22 pm (UTC)