Baby if you give it to me, I'll give it to you, I know what you want.

[raybear]

When you get home at 5:30 pm and you make good use of your time (i.e. don't watch tv or be online the whole time), it's possible to actually have two evenings worth of activities. The majority of my evening was chill and involved cooking dinner, playing with the dog, making a mix CD for Next-Door Coworker, talking on the phone with several folks, watching five minutes of the Elizabeth Berkeley Lifetime movie which was disappointing (I wanted trashy, not social-problem-of-the-week!), and reading. D'vil tempted me with going to see a showing of X-Men 2, which I really do want to see, but since it was a late night show in Evanston and I'm trying to pinch pennies, partly in anticipation of my roadtrip which is rapidly approaching, I passed. Instead, I went and got flogged. It was nice.

This was actually my first official time being flogged, at least in a real way that lasted more than a few hits, was done with nice equipment and wielded by someone with skill. While I was a bit of a lightweight, I'm still proud how much I sustained with relative ease. Had I been better-rested and in a more prepared headspace (I'm a better bottom if I know well in advance I'm going to be bottoming, though with certain people I don't need that much preparation), I feel confident I could have taken more and pushed not only my pain limits but also my stamina limitations, which sometimes present as much of an obstacle for me. Plus, it wasn't really a full scene but more of a test-run for both of us. Besides, bedtime beckoned so I gladly answered the call.

Last night I had bdsm dreams because of this, but mostly it involved floating accoutrements and not actual activities. Like my dreams had lots of costumes and props, though I can't remember any actual plots or characters.

I have a mix brewing in my head that started a few days ago. I wish I could go home and make it now. Work is always cramping my artistic style.

Comments

deja vu

[qvalentine.livejournal.com]

I swear I'm having deja vu right now, like I have read this entry before. Have I? In any case, I'm blushing about the flogging, feeling slightly envious which is a surprise to me. I think its just the kinky factor of it all, considering my long term boyfriend can't really even take a shower with me because of his "issues" with his own body, I guess I'm screwed if I ever want a flogging.
I'll miss showering with people though.

Let's all feel sorry for Q

-Q

Re: deja vu

[raybear.livejournal.com]

I don't think you've read this entry before, unless I accidentally posted it twice..... ;)

Perhaps you can negotiate something with your boyfriend about being open when it comes to flogging and other bdsm type activites? For me, floggings and spanking and other sensory dep type stuff doesn't HAVE to be about sex or even included "actual sex". Last night I was saying that sometimes it's actually easier for me to drop trousers, get worked over, and walk away without an orgasm, versus having a hot makeout session that leaves me, um, having problems walking away.

Showering is definitely a pretty intimate experience -- in my last relationship we had a rule about no showering with others. Funny how I was okay with fucking, but not showering. I still feel this way a little, but I'm in a place where I'm more okay with a partner doing intimate activites with others and not having it threaten our own intimacy. Which is to say, I still feel jealous, but I suck it up and focus on trusting the universe.
And, here's the point of the comment where I respectfully but flirtily offer to aid you in anyway possible should you be interested in a future flogging (or any other kinky) experience.

Re: deja vu

[qvalentine.livejournal.com]

*blushing again"

Why thanks for the offer, I've never met you but you seem exciting enough for me!
I do agree that some stuff is intimate without being about sex, and some stuff is just pure raunch and no sex, and some stuff is about bondage/pain/other and not about sex, but I think I would feel uncomfortable doing any of those things with anyone else other than Racerboy, since I would feel jealous letting him do those things with someone. I understand my own jealousy.I've tried negotiating these experiences with him, and we have a pretty direct relationship in which we can speak about these things, but he is insitant that he is way too uncomfortable to shower with anyone EVER, he even needs to lock the door. I guess his family used to come into the bathroom and play pranks on him while he was showering and it just pisses him off to have someone come in. He is ok with entering the bathroom while I am showering, or bathing, so I know it's just his issue. And he rocks my world in other ways so I guess I just have to compromise and think of what I have instead of what I don't. But damn, I sure do like hot steamy showers with people. There is nothing else like it.

um...what other kinky things did you have in mind, by the way? Just curious.

-Q

Re: deja vu

[raybear.livejournal.com]

but I think I would feel uncomfortable doing any of those things with anyone else other than Racerboy, since I would feel jealous letting him do those things with someone.

There's definitely a certain cockiness I had to develop when I first approached nonmonogamous relationships -- a way of thinking "you go on ahead and play around and do whatever you want, cause I KNOW you'll be back since I'm the best!" I often have my hands on my hips when saying this in my head. Nowadays I'm less competitive in thinking about my lovers having lovers. I try to embrace the idea that there are a lot of things that people can offer each other and these things aren't mutually exclusive from having a close relationship with one person.

I always thought I trusted myself and my own ability to have intimate experiences with other people and not have them affect my primary partnership, but I didn't have too many opportunities to put this theory to the test. Until I did, I got unexpectedly HUGELY jealous when my ex-partner had sexual experiences, particularly with people that were more "lovers" rather than just tricks or one-times. I was so afraid of her having these experience with someone else and then not being able to have them with me anymore. But then when I finally have successful experience with lovers and I was able to come back to her and still feel close, this actually helped alleviate my jealous. I'm sure there was also some ego in play -- she was getting more action than me for awhile and I was striking out hardcore! For better or for worse, when the scales were more balanced, I had more self-confidence.

But having said all this, I certainly respect people's decision to be monogomous or open in whatever ways they want (like I know people who are fine with their partners kissing/making out with other but absolutely nothing else), and I rarely proselytize unless they want me to! Though I am bugged by people who are monogamous purely by default and don't seem to approach the idea of being open or monogamous with any level of intentionality ot analysis.

But um, yeah, back to the kinky stuff....I mean, seeing as you often pop up on my comments page, with flaminf red hair, crawling on the floor towards me, it's hard to not have a few ideas! But I'm more the kind of top who's more interesting in fulfilling my bottom's interests instead of just doing to them what I want to do. So the question more appropriate for me to ask is, what would you want me to do to you?
:)

Re: deja vu

[qvalentine.livejournal.com]

Well, as you can probably tell by the crawling, I'm more of a Top than a Bottom. Though, I've been in situations with other tops and it can be lots of fun. Nothing against Bottoms.This line of commenting has triggered me to change my LJ pic for some reason, I was feeling campy. Though I must say that the pic of Mr. Spike on your LJ can get me every time. Hubba Hubba.

Now, you went and turned my question into a question about what types of services you can provide. Since I don't mind switching to a Bottom every once in a while I would say a nice shower is what I was alluding to, or perhaps some other things that I'm not sure I want to reveal on my LJ. ( my roomates Ghostmonkey and RedRider are watching!)I'll have to start writing you specific journal entries, since this line of questioning makes my workday go OH SO MUCH FASTER. Faster.

(sigh) Q
p.s. I'm not always on my knees but I could be.

Re: deja vu

[raybear.livejournal.com]

Oooh, I bet you'd like to do some dirty things which is why you NEED a shower!

I'm a major switch -- I used to be a top who would every-once-in-a-blue-moon-with-that-special-someone be a bottom. Nowadays I'm really getting in touch with my bottom self, though I still often "top from the bottom", so even though I might be bent over, I'm still in control of the action. ;) Basically I'm a top who loves to play with bottoms but really likes to be with people who can out-top me. Let me tell you, it's rare.

I would never try to compete with dommeyourass when it comes to topping, at least in the areas of techinical expertise. She certainly has me beat there, though I'm hoping to pick up on some of her skills through informal lessons as well as osmosis. But I could certainly come up with some fun things to do in the shower -- waterproof toys are your friend. As are the cold tiles when being pushed up against them....

Drrrty thoughts make the day fly by!

Re: deja vu

[qvalentine.livejournal.com]

There is nothing quite like being pressed up against a cold floor, is there? Perhaps the contrast between a nice hot shower and the cold floor is where the tension lies. ( Care to get buddhist on that statement? Is that inappropriate?)

Yeah, Dommeyourass has set me STRAIGHT on that topic.

I wonder if there is a way to become a better Bottom. Bottoms always get the slack of just lying there and enjoying themselves, when that doesn't need to be the case as you explained yourself so well.

Re: deja vu

[raybear.livejournal.com]

Oh, I LOVE getting all buddhist about sex! I also like to do dirty things like fetishizing the virgin mary or doing naughty things with rosary beads. Hey, those catholic monks used to self-flagellate -- you can't more kinky than that!

You should read "The Bottoming Book", written by the same two women who also wrote "the Ethical Slut". they talk about different ways of being bottom (like being a 'busy bottom' who does lots of the work, versus being the abosolute receptor of the sexual activity). That book helped me start to be a better bottom AND a better top because I have higher standards for my bottoms. There's definitely a way of being a good or a bad bottom just like one can be a good top or a bad top. I don't like to play with bottoms who can't articulate what they want -- if they won't take the time to figure it out for themselves, I'm not going to waste my time trying to play Pet Psychic and figure it out. They can call me when they're ready to be topped!

Mmmm, cold tiles and hot shower.....oh, and did I mention that last night I got some nice ice cube treatment on my ass and back and other parts last night after the flogging? I'm weak in the knees again thinking about it, and I'm sitting down. I love cold sensations. Last week I made a joke about how I'm hot for people with poor circulation -- put those cold fingers on my neck (and other places) for warming....

Re: deja vu

[qvalentine.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure about how this relates to sex, but I'm not sure I could ever live in a place that did not have seasons. I love the contrasts. I think in most situations I would rather the weather be cold than hot. I enjoy getting warm by other means. I also like having cold air to breathe when sleeping, like an open window or a fan. I'm always hot, when I sleep with someone else they are usually colder to the touch than I am. Sorry! My circulation is perfectly fine.

I've experimented with ice cubes before and I've had a lot of fun with oral sex and ice. Though my first attempts with icy hot were a little misguided.

Thanks for keeping me awake all day long at work. I have to leave for dinner now. *smootch*

Re: showering

[sean7232.livejournal.com]

the first (and maybe second too) time i showered with someone else (the only other thus far), i insisted on keeping my boxers on...but after a while, it seemed ridiculous

and no one seems to hate my hips except me

Re: deja vu

[dommeyourass.livejournal.com]

i offer my services too.

Re: deja vu

[qvalentine.livejournal.com]

I guess Raybear has some competition.

Yay!

-Q

Re: deja vu

[dommeyourass.livejournal.com]

oh no girl...there's no competition here...the more the merrier! besides, we have different in skills. i was offering my skills more of service to you, rather than trying to "win" a new play partner. trust me, i've got my hands full here in chicago as it is. ;)

Re: deja vu

[qvalentine.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the lesson!
Tell me like it is!
*slap*

:)