Baby if you give it to me, I'll give it to you, I know what you want.

[raybear]

When you get home at 5:30 pm and you make good use of your time (i.e. don't watch tv or be online the whole time), it's possible to actually have two evenings worth of activities. The majority of my evening was chill and involved cooking dinner, playing with the dog, making a mix CD for Next-Door Coworker, talking on the phone with several folks, watching five minutes of the Elizabeth Berkeley Lifetime movie which was disappointing (I wanted trashy, not social-problem-of-the-week!), and reading. D'vil tempted me with going to see a showing of X-Men 2, which I really do want to see, but since it was a late night show in Evanston and I'm trying to pinch pennies, partly in anticipation of my roadtrip which is rapidly approaching, I passed. Instead, I went and got flogged. It was nice.

This was actually my first official time being flogged, at least in a real way that lasted more than a few hits, was done with nice equipment and wielded by someone with skill. While I was a bit of a lightweight, I'm still proud how much I sustained with relative ease. Had I been better-rested and in a more prepared headspace (I'm a better bottom if I know well in advance I'm going to be bottoming, though with certain people I don't need that much preparation), I feel confident I could have taken more and pushed not only my pain limits but also my stamina limitations, which sometimes present as much of an obstacle for me. Plus, it wasn't really a full scene but more of a test-run for both of us. Besides, bedtime beckoned so I gladly answered the call.

Last night I had bdsm dreams because of this, but mostly it involved floating accoutrements and not actual activities. Like my dreams had lots of costumes and props, though I can't remember any actual plots or characters.

I have a mix brewing in my head that started a few days ago. I wish I could go home and make it now. Work is always cramping my artistic style.

Comments

give yourself more credit

[dommeyourass.livejournal.com]

i know you don't think you had a lot of stamina, but i was very proud of you. with very little prep time, you quickly (ahem) rose to the challenge ;) i can tell you too that a belt is pretty high-end. it can be just one step lower to a caning. and i can make any flogger about five different degrees of severity if i want to be, as you can well attest. even a pretty tame thuddy flogger. but it's not a race or competition anyway. no one's ever going to give you an award for how much pain you can tolerate. it's about taking a journey with your top and trying to push each other's boundaries in a way that frees you from your body and mind. by the way, i didn't mention your name in my post, but after you posted this publicly i went back and changed it. i'm ass-uming you don't mind -- let me know if my ass-umptions are wrong ;) thanks again for being my subject. it was very helpful for me.

Re: give yourself more credit

[raybear.livejournal.com]

why, thank you for your assessment. i wasn't too hard on myself for taking more of the belt, since i'm actually impressed i took more than one hit. when you were done flogging me, i really felt done being flogged -- it was still good but on the border of 'too much'. but then when you suggested trying the belt, i decided, "why not? while i'm already here and leathered up...." for me, my comments on pain tolerance/stamina were more about 1) my levels compared to people who've been doing it longer, and feeling the need to be honest about where i am so i neither seem to be a poser nor do i get myself into trouble by getting into something i'm not ready for because i'm not honest about where i am; and 2) where i desire to be when it comes to pain, though i don't fault myself for not being there yet seeing as, um, i have precious little experience.
part of it is my perfectionist streak, always wanting to be bigger and better and the best, but also part of it is just me saying. yes, i want more! i want to do more! sort of moving from one plateau to the next. perhaps the way i wrote about it made me sound more self-deprecating that i feel -- don't doubt though, i AM pretty proud of myself!

i might make this post friends-only now, since the post itself it pretty generic, but the comments have gotten increasingly personal. you changed it to mentioning my name in your journal? damn, i liked being "the houseguest". :)

Re: give yourself more credit

[dommeyourass.livejournal.com]

so far, i've found that i instinctively know when to end with you. that's a nice thing. psychic ability put to practical use.

i changed you back to "houseguest" ;)

Re: give yourself more credit

[raybear.livejournal.com]

psychic ability put to practical use.

probably. though you should also give yourself more credit as a top and your ability to pay close attention to your bottom and notice how their reactions change and gauge limits that way. or at least with me. i guess i shouldn't speak for anyone else who bottoms with you, though i see you do this in other ways with me and others even in non-scene contexts.

i didn't mean to imply that you couldn't use my name! but i'm sure you're tired of going back and editing the entry -- however you leave it is fine with me. and don't worry -- i'd explicitly tell you if i don't want to be mentioned publicly in your journal.

Re: houseguests

[sean7232.livejournal.com]

damn, i wish i had read this hot thread before i replied to your e-mail

i'm ready to beg

well, i guess i always am...