Are you really a hot boy?

[raybear]

On Monday I left work a little early, feeling chipper and ready for a fun social evening. While waiting for Madness Librarian to show up for dinner, I felt a stranger tinkering in my body -- my bones started to ache and tiredness spread to the skin, and I knew I was going to get sick. Like, soon. Sure enough, by the end of dinner, I was ready to lie down. Luckily someone was generous enough to stop by with vitamin!water supplies and took care of Sophie so I could stay in bed. I was tucked in and shortly fell asleep. At 4:30 am I woke up, feeling no better. So I went ahead and called in sick to work, turned off the alarm and fell back asleep until approximately 10 am when my visiting nurse came by again.

By the afternoon I started to feel more human but still winded.
By the evening I was ready to go crazy. I was so bored. Thing is, when I'm feeling lazy, it's extremely easy to fill several days with naps and movies and television and magazines and books and videogames. Trouble is, when I'm sick I'm not always feeling simultaneously lazy. So I wanted to meet people for drinks or go to sex workshops or something but I also knew if I did anything too active I might get re-sick. So I took a bath.

This morning I went to the doctor for a blood draw and an injection. One might think I would mention my recent/still slightly current illness to a doctor, but not I. Why bother? I'm sure it's just a virus and/or being ambushed with allergies due to recent weather changes. I had to wait and wait and wait for the doctor to come in my room and stand in my face and ask "how ya doin' buddy?!" and then pat me on the head and send me on my way. All this because I was having blood drawn. If it was just an injection, I could have escaped the office without seeing him. My student doctor was the friendly-enough blonde straight woman, who was coming off as rather prissy today. I really wish I got Dreamboat Student Doc, aka Mark, who dommeyourass had last week. He walked in while I was sitting in the waiting room. From outside the door I caught his eye and he did the half-smile, eyebrow raise while my stomach got unexpectedly tingly. He came in and said hellohow'sitgoing? and I returned the sentiment. I hoped and hoped and hoped I'd have him, but no such luck. Instead the brief encounter provided nice fodder for the train ride into work, involving my velvety pillow and him blindfolded and in my leather cuffs. Funny, I didn't have a crush on him before, but today I was thinking nothing but dirty thoughts, even while sitting in the exam room on those strange massage-table looking patient benches. The lack of walls didn't deter any of my office-visit fantasies either.

At this point maybe I should mention that all this came after the testosterone was injected into my arm. Probably not a coincidence.

I should probably go to this conference call now.

Comments

breakdowns

[keetbabe.livejournal.com]

i was just thinking this morning (Really! it's true!) about the luxury of having a complete and utter emotional breakdown -- the hollering, screaming, crying, flipping out so much that it takes several big burly butch women and/or men to sedate me.... you know, like going postal. only without the killing of people. i'm not sure if i'm capable of doing that and it made me a little sad, like something sweet in life is just not accessible to me.

sometimes i like to pick a different place in my house or at work to sit and view the space --why not on the floor in the hallway or the bathroom? shake things up a little. like that scene in dead poets society where robin williams' character makes all of the students get on a desk to view the room from there... just to have a different vantage point.

Re: breakdowns

[raybear.livejournal.com]

those are other favorite scenes in movies -- the total breakdown. for some reason, one of my favorites is in the movie "Set It Off", when Jada Pinkett Smith is at the scene where her brother just got killed, and goes from nearly catatonic to nearly pummeling the detective and her friends are holding her back. i'm so attracted to the idea of just LOSING it, either because i'm angry or sad or both. but i have too much preprogrammed propriety and major control issues to probably let myself do it. my therapist would probably encourage it.

maybe we should do a performance piece where we lose it on stage in multiple ways with different outcomes. then we wouldn't have any messy real-life cleanup and hey, maybe people would pay us to watch it!

Re: breakdowns

[keetbabe.livejournal.com]

a performance breakdown would be fabulous!!! maybe we could demonstrate different kinds... the catatonic, the violent, the rageful... you get it.

the only breakdown scene i remember right now is from the little mermaid when ariel slumps down over a rock, buries her head in her hands and cries. when someone tries to comfort her, she swishes them away with one hand, her head still cradled in her other... my niece mimicked this quite well when she was about 3. ahh the power of movies...