The Interview interview.
Jun. 5th, 2003 02:50 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
raybearI'm normally the last to post a meme or survery, but I'm all about these interviews because the questions are creative and the answers require people to share actual information, not just which "Everybody Loves Raymond" character they should date. ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
katemosey did me the honors. And she's a real journalist, too!
1.) A'La Fight club, What would you consider your "power animal" and why?
My two main animals are bear and wolf, with bear being the masculine energy and wolf being my feminine energy. Bear has followed me through life, since early childhood and it wasn't until I spoke with shaman-in-training who was currently working at Borders with me that he even introduced the idea of power animals to me. And it started because he said I looked like a polar bear today, describing why. I remember wearing a light blue shirt and khakis, but don't know what they had to do with anything. Bear stayed with me as an aid in my transition and development of my spiritual and masculine identity. Wolf has come to me more recently and I'm still trying learn how and why she's my other symbol. I think there are some strong moon connections, because of my Cancer self.
I don't really talk about this too much with people, at the risk of sound hokey and co-opting and like some goober who listens to Yanni. But it's hard to ignore the tattoo of a bear on my left forearm. Sometimes I chalk it up in conversation to connection to bears in gay male culture, which is not a lie, it's just not the whole truth.
2.) I once had a friend who vistied Poland for six months. She didn't take a single picture while she was there. She said she was boycotting the "tourist mindset." She figured, why should she have to take pictures to prove she was there. Do you think this is a common tourist mindset? Do you think it detracts from the experience of travel as a whole and why?
Interesting question that I've actually thought of before. I definitely think there's a certain tourist mindset when it comes to taking pictures, and I'm intrigued by people who ONLY take pictures while on vacations, as if nothing ever significant happens the rest of the year, but also by people who seem scared of documenting activites while travelling for fear of being labelled a tourist or simply behaving as one. I went to Europe the summer I was sixteen and took several rolls of photos and most of them are crap. Scenery with no people, castles I don't remember, strange buildings and signs that were funny at the time. I learned a valuable lesson about using a snapshot as a snapshot -- a reminder and a sample, but not trying to document everything through a lens when your memory is a better place for it. I definitely think it can take away from travel if you're so focused on the picture-perfect moment that you're not really seeing what's going on. Two years ago when I rode down pacific coast highway between Monterey and Santa Barbara, I took one or two photos of the scenery almost to prove how inferior the image would be to what my eyes beheld. I like these photos because they remind me of the real image in my head, but I'm glad I spent more of my time looking and not attempting to capture.
3.) What defining moment in your life made you realize there was a rift forming between you and your parents?
The summer after my freshman year in college when I came home and wanted to spend the whole summer with my beloved hometown family of friends that I left behind when I moved to Chicago, including all the church and drama people. My parents were driving to Savannah for the weekend for the wedding of the daughter of a family friend, who I hadn't seen in years and knew I still would get to see much of because you don't really get to hang out much with the bride at their wedding. I wanted to stay in Atlanta because I already committed to singing and performing in the Sunday service with my friend Martha. My father was livid and gave a speech on how family obligations were more important than just "some friend" and I realized he had no concept of who was important in my life or why and never would. My mother chose no side and told me to do what I wanted and didn't really support me at all. She seemed disappointed but I could never tell if it was in me or in my father's behavior. I resented her not having an opinion.
This was the first moment of me asserting myself and winning, and things weren't the same after that. It's like my parents knew they couldn't win all the time with me anymore if I wanted to live my life the way I wanted and suddenly they seemed and behaved powerless and resentful towards our disconnections. Like they gave up trying.
4.) Do you think a relationship can survive a "moment of weakness" such a one-time cheating type of incident?
Of course. In fact, I bank on it. This question is a bit more complicated for me since I'm in an open nonmonogamous relationship and generally hope to remain that way for the rest of my life, which basically means the definition of cheating is different. Even in an open relationship a person can "cheat" on you, it's just the focus is not on the sex act but instead on the deception and betrayal of feelings. I don't think it's easy to survive any large betrayal, but if both parties are interested in delving into why it happened and be honest about feelings and expectations and realize that trust has to be actively rebuilt, then it's certainly possible.
I would even venture to say from my personal experience that being cheated on while in an open relationship can be even worse of an experience than in a monogamous relationship because the mechanisms for having outside experiences are already in place, yet the parties are still unable to communicate their feelings and be honest about them. But, sometimes one has to experience things to fully learn the lesson and what they're capable of and how to do it better the next time.
5.) Describe your dream house.
I recently described a dream apartment, but a house would be somewhat similar. Location-wise, I'd like it to be either in a small residential neighborhood with self-sustaining businesses and/or community inside larger city limits, or in a small town that's futher outside of a big city but located near a commuter train. It would have two stories and be old and sturdy and a lawn that wouldn't take all day to mow with room for a garden and extended into some woods that would still be my property. The house would have mostly wood floors and a huge kitchen with a center island for cooking and eating off of. There would be a basement that be for my beloved hobbies and personal interests -- half would sound/DJ equipment and the other half would be a dungeon/play room of the adult variety. The first floor would have a big dining room living room with lots of room for big overstuffed couches (preferably red) with lots of bay windows. My office would be on the first floor, doubling as a library -- the entire walls would be lined with bookcases.
Upstairs would have maybe three bedrooms and a the master bedroom would have a master bath with a separate shower and jacuzzi tub. There would be slanted ceilings and skylights.
I would have neighbors I liked but not too close. I'd have my yard fenced in to keep the dogs in. And a porch. A huge front porch with a swing and rocking chairs and steps and I would sit outside a lot.
katemosey did me the honors. And she's a real journalist, too!1.) A'La Fight club, What would you consider your "power animal" and why?
My two main animals are bear and wolf, with bear being the masculine energy and wolf being my feminine energy. Bear has followed me through life, since early childhood and it wasn't until I spoke with shaman-in-training who was currently working at Borders with me that he even introduced the idea of power animals to me. And it started because he said I looked like a polar bear today, describing why. I remember wearing a light blue shirt and khakis, but don't know what they had to do with anything. Bear stayed with me as an aid in my transition and development of my spiritual and masculine identity. Wolf has come to me more recently and I'm still trying learn how and why she's my other symbol. I think there are some strong moon connections, because of my Cancer self.
I don't really talk about this too much with people, at the risk of sound hokey and co-opting and like some goober who listens to Yanni. But it's hard to ignore the tattoo of a bear on my left forearm. Sometimes I chalk it up in conversation to connection to bears in gay male culture, which is not a lie, it's just not the whole truth.
2.) I once had a friend who vistied Poland for six months. She didn't take a single picture while she was there. She said she was boycotting the "tourist mindset." She figured, why should she have to take pictures to prove she was there. Do you think this is a common tourist mindset? Do you think it detracts from the experience of travel as a whole and why?
Interesting question that I've actually thought of before. I definitely think there's a certain tourist mindset when it comes to taking pictures, and I'm intrigued by people who ONLY take pictures while on vacations, as if nothing ever significant happens the rest of the year, but also by people who seem scared of documenting activites while travelling for fear of being labelled a tourist or simply behaving as one. I went to Europe the summer I was sixteen and took several rolls of photos and most of them are crap. Scenery with no people, castles I don't remember, strange buildings and signs that were funny at the time. I learned a valuable lesson about using a snapshot as a snapshot -- a reminder and a sample, but not trying to document everything through a lens when your memory is a better place for it. I definitely think it can take away from travel if you're so focused on the picture-perfect moment that you're not really seeing what's going on. Two years ago when I rode down pacific coast highway between Monterey and Santa Barbara, I took one or two photos of the scenery almost to prove how inferior the image would be to what my eyes beheld. I like these photos because they remind me of the real image in my head, but I'm glad I spent more of my time looking and not attempting to capture.
3.) What defining moment in your life made you realize there was a rift forming between you and your parents?
The summer after my freshman year in college when I came home and wanted to spend the whole summer with my beloved hometown family of friends that I left behind when I moved to Chicago, including all the church and drama people. My parents were driving to Savannah for the weekend for the wedding of the daughter of a family friend, who I hadn't seen in years and knew I still would get to see much of because you don't really get to hang out much with the bride at their wedding. I wanted to stay in Atlanta because I already committed to singing and performing in the Sunday service with my friend Martha. My father was livid and gave a speech on how family obligations were more important than just "some friend" and I realized he had no concept of who was important in my life or why and never would. My mother chose no side and told me to do what I wanted and didn't really support me at all. She seemed disappointed but I could never tell if it was in me or in my father's behavior. I resented her not having an opinion.
This was the first moment of me asserting myself and winning, and things weren't the same after that. It's like my parents knew they couldn't win all the time with me anymore if I wanted to live my life the way I wanted and suddenly they seemed and behaved powerless and resentful towards our disconnections. Like they gave up trying.
4.) Do you think a relationship can survive a "moment of weakness" such a one-time cheating type of incident?
Of course. In fact, I bank on it. This question is a bit more complicated for me since I'm in an open nonmonogamous relationship and generally hope to remain that way for the rest of my life, which basically means the definition of cheating is different. Even in an open relationship a person can "cheat" on you, it's just the focus is not on the sex act but instead on the deception and betrayal of feelings. I don't think it's easy to survive any large betrayal, but if both parties are interested in delving into why it happened and be honest about feelings and expectations and realize that trust has to be actively rebuilt, then it's certainly possible.
I would even venture to say from my personal experience that being cheated on while in an open relationship can be even worse of an experience than in a monogamous relationship because the mechanisms for having outside experiences are already in place, yet the parties are still unable to communicate their feelings and be honest about them. But, sometimes one has to experience things to fully learn the lesson and what they're capable of and how to do it better the next time.
5.) Describe your dream house.
I recently described a dream apartment, but a house would be somewhat similar. Location-wise, I'd like it to be either in a small residential neighborhood with self-sustaining businesses and/or community inside larger city limits, or in a small town that's futher outside of a big city but located near a commuter train. It would have two stories and be old and sturdy and a lawn that wouldn't take all day to mow with room for a garden and extended into some woods that would still be my property. The house would have mostly wood floors and a huge kitchen with a center island for cooking and eating off of. There would be a basement that be for my beloved hobbies and personal interests -- half would sound/DJ equipment and the other half would be a dungeon/play room of the adult variety. The first floor would have a big dining room living room with lots of room for big overstuffed couches (preferably red) with lots of bay windows. My office would be on the first floor, doubling as a library -- the entire walls would be lined with bookcases.
Upstairs would have maybe three bedrooms and a the master bedroom would have a master bath with a separate shower and jacuzzi tub. There would be slanted ceilings and skylights.
I would have neighbors I liked but not too close. I'd have my yard fenced in to keep the dogs in. And a porch. A huge front porch with a swing and rocking chairs and steps and I would sit outside a lot.
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Date: 2003-06-05 02:56 pm (UTC)(Speaking of, Netflix just e-mailed me to say their shipping out the movie "Joe" for this week -- have you seen it?)
Re:
Date: 2003-06-05 02:57 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-06-06 11:23 am (UTC)that is all.
wyatt
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Date: 2003-06-06 11:36 am (UTC)i like the new user name, by the way.
no subject
Date: 2003-06-06 12:50 pm (UTC)except there'd be no train. it's too bad i have no
interest in living in chicago. though it looks more likely
i'll be able to do a late summer road trip over to there.
as i've learned to save money, and have no other places
i need to go this year. i have no excuse. look for a wyatt
coming your mid august. details to come.
no subject
Date: 2003-06-06 01:07 pm (UTC)