Things fall apart
Jun. 10th, 2003 11:22 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
raybearBelieve it or not, in the midst of posting a thousand times, I've actually gotten some work done this morning. Arriving at 8:30 am helps. So does reading Pema Chodron's book excerpts online. I'm typing some of them here to aid in committing the lessons to memory.
It's not a terrible thing that we feel fear when faced with the unknown. It is part of being alive, something we all share. We react against the possbility of loneliness, of death, of not having anything to hold on to. Fear is a natural reaction to moving closer to the truth.
If we commit ourselves to staying right where we are, then our experience becomes very vivid. Things become very clear when there is nowhere to escape.
When we begin our exploration, we have all kinds of ideals and expectations. We're looking for answers that will satisfy a hunger we've felt a very long time. But the last thing we want is a further introduction to the boogeyman.....What we're talking about is getting to know fear, becoming familiar with fear, looking it right in the eye -- not as a way to solve problems, but a complete undoing of old ways of seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting, and thinking.
No one ever tells us to stop running away from fear. We are rarely told to move closer, to just be there, to become familiar with fear....we don't need that kind of [other] encouragement, because dissociating from fear is what we do naturally. We habitually spin off and freak out when there's even the merest hint of fear. We feel it coming and we check out. It's good to know we do that -- not as a way to beat ourselves up, but as a way to develop unconditional compassion. The most heartbreaking thing of all is how we cheat ourselves of the present moment.
The trick is to keep exploring and not bail out, even when we find out something is not what we thought. That's what we're going to discover again and again and again. Nothing is what we thought. Emptiness is not what we thought. Neither is mindfulness or fear.
Things falling apart is a kind of testing and also a kind of healing. We think that the point is to pass the test or overcome the problem, but the truth is things don't really get solved. They come together and they fall apart. Then they come together and they fall apart again. It's just like that. The healing comes from letting there be room for all this to happen: room for grief, for relief, for misery, for joy. When we think something is going to bring us pleasure, we don't know what's really going to happen. When we think something is going to give us misery, we don't know. Letting there be room for not knowing is the most important thing of all....When things fall apart and we're on the verge of we know not what, the test of each of us is to stay on that brink and not concretize.
______________________________________________
It's not about talking myself down off those ledges.
It's not a terrible thing that we feel fear when faced with the unknown. It is part of being alive, something we all share. We react against the possbility of loneliness, of death, of not having anything to hold on to. Fear is a natural reaction to moving closer to the truth.
If we commit ourselves to staying right where we are, then our experience becomes very vivid. Things become very clear when there is nowhere to escape.
When we begin our exploration, we have all kinds of ideals and expectations. We're looking for answers that will satisfy a hunger we've felt a very long time. But the last thing we want is a further introduction to the boogeyman.....What we're talking about is getting to know fear, becoming familiar with fear, looking it right in the eye -- not as a way to solve problems, but a complete undoing of old ways of seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting, and thinking.
No one ever tells us to stop running away from fear. We are rarely told to move closer, to just be there, to become familiar with fear....we don't need that kind of [other] encouragement, because dissociating from fear is what we do naturally. We habitually spin off and freak out when there's even the merest hint of fear. We feel it coming and we check out. It's good to know we do that -- not as a way to beat ourselves up, but as a way to develop unconditional compassion. The most heartbreaking thing of all is how we cheat ourselves of the present moment.
The trick is to keep exploring and not bail out, even when we find out something is not what we thought. That's what we're going to discover again and again and again. Nothing is what we thought. Emptiness is not what we thought. Neither is mindfulness or fear.
Things falling apart is a kind of testing and also a kind of healing. We think that the point is to pass the test or overcome the problem, but the truth is things don't really get solved. They come together and they fall apart. Then they come together and they fall apart again. It's just like that. The healing comes from letting there be room for all this to happen: room for grief, for relief, for misery, for joy. When we think something is going to bring us pleasure, we don't know what's really going to happen. When we think something is going to give us misery, we don't know. Letting there be room for not knowing is the most important thing of all....When things fall apart and we're on the verge of we know not what, the test of each of us is to stay on that brink and not concretize.
______________________________________________
It's not about talking myself down off those ledges.
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Re:
Date: 2003-06-10 10:04 am (UTC)your writing has been taking leaps and bounds lately, by the way. i always enjoy reading your journal but i'm impressed with your more exploratory/creative efforts lately.
no subject
Date: 2003-06-10 10:06 am (UTC)