Can Jesus help your body image?
Jul. 10th, 2003 12:29 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
raybearSometimes I want to write to feel better and other times I refuse to put down words until the feeling passes because sometimes I'm sick of a journal that's filled with random spurts of crankyness or anxiety or fear that quickly becomes forgotten. I mean, I suppose in some ways, it's the inherent nature of journaling.
The past two nights I've had these anxiety dreams and part of me wants just ignore them and the other part wants write and talk them to death. Neither one of these instincts are particularly appealing to me right now. I think it just boils down to needing some reassurance, looking for it in others, but the person I really want reassuring me is myself. I'm having one of those "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" moments, though not really in the money/work sense that people usually use that phrase to mean.
Some of this comes from several important people in my life all being preoccupied with other activities right now, absorbed in their own life, as they deserve to be. Sometimes when it happens all at once and I'm feeling arrogant, it can seem conspiratorial.
But I also know part of my need for reassurance is induced by sitting at a desk, trapped in a little cubicle, feeling like I don't have options. But I do have them. Yesterday I did productive work and I felt better, didn't feel as antsy on the train ride home. I don't handle boredom well -- I just sit in it and do nothing and get more anxious. But all I have to do is jump that first hurdle, get moving, and the inertia helps carry me forward.
And sometimes, someone wonderful offers up some inspiration, or at least humor.
Your inspirational workoscope for July 10, 2003:
Your job is part of what makes you a great person, RAYMOND, even when you don't like your job, because the work you do makes a big difference in the world. Moreover, your co-workers appreciate your good humor and insight as they assign you menial tasks. Don't forget that many Leos may envy you and your job, and while it isn't what you want anymore, it's still a pretty good gig for a day job and enables you to accomplish other things. Take pride in your work, RAYMOND, because you know you feel good about yourself when you're productive.
The past two nights I've had these anxiety dreams and part of me wants just ignore them and the other part wants write and talk them to death. Neither one of these instincts are particularly appealing to me right now. I think it just boils down to needing some reassurance, looking for it in others, but the person I really want reassuring me is myself. I'm having one of those "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" moments, though not really in the money/work sense that people usually use that phrase to mean.
Some of this comes from several important people in my life all being preoccupied with other activities right now, absorbed in their own life, as they deserve to be. Sometimes when it happens all at once and I'm feeling arrogant, it can seem conspiratorial.
But I also know part of my need for reassurance is induced by sitting at a desk, trapped in a little cubicle, feeling like I don't have options. But I do have them. Yesterday I did productive work and I felt better, didn't feel as antsy on the train ride home. I don't handle boredom well -- I just sit in it and do nothing and get more anxious. But all I have to do is jump that first hurdle, get moving, and the inertia helps carry me forward.
And sometimes, someone wonderful offers up some inspiration, or at least humor.
Your inspirational workoscope for July 10, 2003:
Your job is part of what makes you a great person, RAYMOND, even when you don't like your job, because the work you do makes a big difference in the world. Moreover, your co-workers appreciate your good humor and insight as they assign you menial tasks. Don't forget that many Leos may envy you and your job, and while it isn't what you want anymore, it's still a pretty good gig for a day job and enables you to accomplish other things. Take pride in your work, RAYMOND, because you know you feel good about yourself when you're productive.
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Date: 2003-07-10 11:07 am (UTC)Amen!
Sounds like a chapter out of my life right about now.
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Date: 2003-07-10 11:42 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-07-10 12:41 pm (UTC)Although I sometimes do this backwards thing were I don't trust myself. I get a strong gut feeling, but then I fear that the opposite is true, than I become CONVINCED the opposite is true, than I start reacting to this "truth". I have to slow down and say "whoa buccaneer!"
But you should still keep a journal. ;)
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Date: 2003-07-10 03:39 pm (UTC)maybe my journal can just be continual links to your journal....
ah yes...
Date: 2003-07-10 12:29 pm (UTC)maybe we can do some kind of anti-anxiety dream ritual before bed tonight
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Date: 2003-07-10 01:38 pm (UTC)You can subscribe at www.iwouldratherwriteyourworkoscopethandomyownjob.com.
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Date: 2003-07-11 10:32 am (UTC)i totally enjoy you and your job. well, maybe not your job, but definitely you.
;P