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raybearSuddenly I regret my choice of subject line lyric, in part because of bizarre accuracy.
I was having this dream, where someone was lightly tugging on my sleeve to get my attention, and I was telling them "just a minute" and when I turned to them, they needed my help and I was gently berating them for not communicating to me sooner that it was so serious and they told me they didn't want me to worry and than they stepped behind me and kissed my back which was strange enough to wake me up and realize that a non-dream person was kissing my back and leaving my house because of insomnia. I followed her into the hallway and she stayed after I offered melatonin. I know she fell asleep eventually but I'm not sure how restless the rest of her night was since she's still sleeping now.
I should be on a train on the way to work but instead I'm about to shower and typing this because, the thing is, I can't shake the rest of my dreams. I had kids. At least two or three of them, though I feel like the third was nephew or niece who I adored but wasn't techinically mine. I can't remember all the details of the dream but most of it was spent with them, talking and playing and making them food and driving them around.
Then I woke up before the alarm. Experienced typical dream-waking dysphoria. Confused as to the day and time and who I was and what just happened. Waking life started to seep in.
Then my heart just sank. Like I lost my kids. I couldn't get them back, they were gone, no way to contact or find them. In these few short hours I became overwhelmingly involved in their life, falling madly in love with them.
Don't get me wrong, I like kids in general, I'm pretty good with them, and I'd like to be a parental figure in some form in the future, but I don't have heavy concrete plans. So this dream is an atypical experience for me.
Is it weird to say I miss them?
I was having this dream, where someone was lightly tugging on my sleeve to get my attention, and I was telling them "just a minute" and when I turned to them, they needed my help and I was gently berating them for not communicating to me sooner that it was so serious and they told me they didn't want me to worry and than they stepped behind me and kissed my back which was strange enough to wake me up and realize that a non-dream person was kissing my back and leaving my house because of insomnia. I followed her into the hallway and she stayed after I offered melatonin. I know she fell asleep eventually but I'm not sure how restless the rest of her night was since she's still sleeping now.
I should be on a train on the way to work but instead I'm about to shower and typing this because, the thing is, I can't shake the rest of my dreams. I had kids. At least two or three of them, though I feel like the third was nephew or niece who I adored but wasn't techinically mine. I can't remember all the details of the dream but most of it was spent with them, talking and playing and making them food and driving them around.
Then I woke up before the alarm. Experienced typical dream-waking dysphoria. Confused as to the day and time and who I was and what just happened. Waking life started to seep in.
Then my heart just sank. Like I lost my kids. I couldn't get them back, they were gone, no way to contact or find them. In these few short hours I became overwhelmingly involved in their life, falling madly in love with them.
Don't get me wrong, I like kids in general, I'm pretty good with them, and I'd like to be a parental figure in some form in the future, but I don't have heavy concrete plans. So this dream is an atypical experience for me.
Is it weird to say I miss them?
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Date: 2003-07-17 09:07 am (UTC)Not at all. I always wanted more than one child, but Ree is all we ended up with and from the noises Soren's making, we're probably not going to ever pursue the adoption route etc. So yesterday we were sitting in front of this bagel store and I was watching this little boy, about age four, and he was doing what kids that age do and he looked so much like what I'd always daydreamed my son would look like and acted so much like how I thought my son would act that I felt this intense pang of regret and felt like I was missing someone who in no way exists, except in my imagination.
And this wasn't the first time, it was just the most recent. All my life I've felt like there was a son out there for me somewhere, and I don't have the resources to find him or bring him home.
(shrug)
Maybe it's a past life thing or maybe there's a member of my soul family I haven't met yet who's not incarnating this spin. Maybe it's just the power of our minds or our inner child or something else altogether. But man, whatever it is, it was sure powerful.