After those pretty things you say and the love we made today.

[raybear]

Sometimes I wonder why I'm not more honest in the moment, instead hiding behind this sense of propriety and saving people's feelings when in reality I have no obligation to coddle them or NOT be honest.

In this case, I'm talking about the guy who's renovating an apartment I looked at yesterday. I didn't really have many intentions in renting the place prior to seeing it, unless it happened to be 1200 sq. feet with all new floors and walls and fixtures. Okay, maybe that's exaggerating. But I REALLY didn't have any intention of considering the place after stepping inside. And I could have very easily been honest with him about the fact, perhaps even helping him out in the process.

"Um, are you really just going to paint over the cracks in the tub and holes in the wall and crooked shelves in the pantry and closets? Do you really think it's fair to charge $750 a month when the bathroom barely has enough room to contain a sink, a toilet and a broken tub, and the kitchen has one small counter and one cabinet? Why is there only one electrical outlet? This kitchen tile is beyond horrendous with the exception of the paper on the shelves in the pantry."

But instead I made pleasant conversation about when he would be done and thanked him for his time then said I'd be in touch which basically isn't a lie since the end of that sentence is implied to read "if I want the place" which I don't and especially since I didn't really look at him when I said it. They weren't so sure about the pets thing, which I didn't push since I didn't care, though as we were leaving he said "are you definitely keeping your dog?"

Um, yeah. I'd rather live in a cardboard box for free with my dog than accrue more debt by overpaying for your crappy apartment.


Last night I had a dream that ended with this fabulous punchline. Miss Rook was addressing employees in a hotel at the end of a conference and announced very dryly, "if anyone is interested in leftover buffalo burgers, they're in my freezer in Room ____......yeah, the room where the dead body was found? Yeah, in case you didn't know, I guess I'm a murderer now."

I would say it made more sense in context, but that's not true. I'm just amused that in my dream I laughed and laughed and laughed and woke up at 6 am from the humor and almost woke up Lowenstein to share it with her, but luckily realized it made no sense, so I went back to sleep. The other interesting imagery in my dream was swimming in the ocean at night, considering snorkelling but having a brief moment of panic when thinking about actually seeing all the creatures swimming around my legs, preferring instead to stay ignorant of their existence except now that I realized there was all this life below the surface, feeling compelled to examine it as well. There was also another interesting part involving examining a map and driving back to Chicago. The map was the same as a previous dream involving a road trip and what fascinates me is that it contains familiar cities and states, but things aren't shaped or distanced the way they are in real-life -- like New York City will be next to Minnesota.

Speaking of Minnesota, Wyatt was in my dream again last night. He appeared last week I think, and both dreams involved him being in town and trying to organize a visit with him and me and Lowenstein. I'm hoping these are premonition dreams of a visit this fall. Last night I got to hug him and he gives good hugs.

I was going to meditate this morning but instead I washed dishes. And I felt so luxurious because someone else took the dog out and made coffee. I guess it doesn't take much for me to feel pampered. Maybe tonight I'll find myself able to cross the street and go to Ann Sather's for meditation. Those chairs aren't as comfortable as being at the temple on sunday mornings, nor is the energy in the room quite as comforting, but it would still be beneficial for me to go.

Comments

[mintwaster.livejournal.com]

There's a woman on LJ whose blog I read, stereolabrat and she's been looking for an apartment in Soho. NYC is ridiculous. She's looking at all these $1500 studios where the shower is in between the stove and fridge and the toilet is in a small closet in the hall.

She's leaving her current apartment because mushrooms were growing in her shower because of the fecal matter and other things that have been leaking from the apartment above. It's all pretty gross.

[raybear.livejournal.com]

The toilet was in the kitchen of this apartment! Except it was only there temporarily. But both DYA and I were scared at first when we saw it sitting in the corner.

I always complain about typical Chicago-apartment sized bedrooms, but then I remember typical New York-apartment sized "bedrooms". We're living in the lap of luxury compared to them.