The message my lies tell me in my dreams.

[raybear]

Last night I had a great dinner with Mistress Minax, as usual, which included cheap chinese non-cuisine delivery and persistant cats jumping in laps and astrological discussions and our usual topic of relationships and love and lovers. She said something to me that no one else has remotely intimated in conversations about my recent move, which doesn't really surprise me since she often plays that role in my life. Even if what she said isn't entirely accurate in perception, it's refreshing to have someone turn a situation on it's ear. She said something along the lines about how it might be easier for Lowenstein to co-habitate since she's been living alone for awhile and is ready for a change, whereas I might be having a harder time because I just lived with someone recently. No one else has said anything at all like this to me, in part because they probably avoid the elephant in the room talk of my nonmonogamous serial monogamy. I talked to her about how we're actually going through similar processes and anxieties and struggles and joys and excitement, though we're coming from different sides of the spectrum, but I liked that her take was different. Most people think in terms of inertia: she's lived alone a long time, it will be hard for her to change. I've lived with a partner recently, it will be easier for me to jump into it again. But Mistress Minax is often good at the figurative flipping of the script.

Last night my dreams took place over several days, and when I woke myself up at 6 am by accidentally brushing my arm against the warm body in the bed, I jerked up in a state of confusion. I looked down at her sleeping and thought, "what is she doing here? Awww, how sweet, she must have come over in the middle of the night and crawled into bed with me." Except, um, no, we came home together and went to bed together. Of course, I can't remember the dreams themselves, but between Minax's comment and Lowenstein packing up nearly her entire apartment last night and us moving some of it over, I have a feeling it might be related to my brain finally catching up and saying "this is actually happening. like, now."

Before I left dinner last night, I pulled a card from Minax's new deck of dirty cards, which weren't dirty in the way I thought and they were not a traditional deck in terms of Rider-Waite structure. I pulled the card "batter". It had an illustration of a bowl and a whisk and, of course, batter. The meaning is about having all your ingredients together, a sticky sweet mess that's on the verge of becoming and happening, not fully formed, but most of the process is complete. An interesting and delightfully auspicious card to pull, seeing as I'm in the midst of this in my life when it comes to school and home and writing and even my personal life as it relates to spiritually. I definitely something is brewing and ready to ding the timer and get removed.

Other symbols to look up: last night I was nose to nose with a spider right before bed, and a couple weeks ago I was being followed by seagulls several times in a few days.

Comments

spiders

[keetbabe.livejournal.com]

spiders -- in the medicine cards, the spider can indicate 2 different things: 1) create create create and 2) pay attention to things going on outside of your immediate vicinity/core-- for instance, the spider works very carefully on her web and is very focused on it -- and when a fly or some other tasty morsel gets caught in her web --even if it's on the far corner, because the web is so sensitive to touch, no matter where she is, she'll know that food is near...

create create create

[raybear.livejournal.com]

Thanks! I asked dommeyourass as we were getting into bed and she mentioned the whole weaving a web in the form of storytelling, spiders are the record-keepers. This is perfect because I've been writing a lot more lately, not just in this journal but in other ones. When I saw the spider, s/he was on the doorframe, literally at eye level, and I felt this sense of "I'm watching you -- keep going. Don't let up."

Now I'll use google to look up seagulls!

seagulls

[raybear.livejournal.com]

[from various websites]

Seagull -- care free, versatility, freedom, flexibility

Seagull -- Versitile, loud, abnoxious, carefree, inventive but lazy, open minded

Seagull : grace, adaptability

Seagull: Travel

Seagull: Versatility, loud, easy-going nature, creativity, laziness