raybear | (no subject)

I got 2 great birthday gifts yesterday evening -- Be__ and St___ came by on commission by Melanie with 2 dozen Krispey Kreme doughnuts! And right after they left, Melanie called and we talked for about 45 minutes -- the longest conversation since she left. It was great to finally catch up with her in more detail and hear her voice and such. She's supposedly reading livejournal, but one wouldn't know that since she hasn't posted anything (hint, hint).

So yesterday during the brief bday brek at work we had a conversation about tattoos because it was almost a year ago that I got my bear tattoo with my co-worker. We were talking about getting another one, and one of the interns said he wanted to get one too, so we might have a summer outing. I've been thinking a lot lately about what I want....I thought my next tattoo would be on my chest -- I would get it a few months after top surgery. But now I'm thinking about one on my leg -- which was the spot I had previously chosen before I decided on the bear on my arm. So now I have to think more about the design. I found an old design I did of a sun, which looks really cool, but the sun isn't really appropriate for me. I'm more of a moon or water kind of guy.

The other thing I've been thinking about is possibly hooking up with a guy. I figure this would be the perfect time to go and "experiment" so to speak with a guy (I'm thinking bio, but not limiting myself by any means). In some ways I honestly feel like if I just have one or two experiences, I'll get "it" out of my system. By "it", I DONT mean my bisexuality or my queerness or faggyness or my attraction to men. By "it" I mean my desire to actually engage in a couple of fantasy type scenarios. For the most part, I think something like 90% of my sexual desires for certain activities can be fulfilled by one partner, since I'm certainly a fan of erotic roleplay. But I guess maybe I sort of want to try out those one or two activites that can't be done with my primary partner. I'm not holding them up as some holy grail or anything -- I just want to play around sexually with my fag side. It's not really my primary form of desire. I don't know if this is making sense to anyone but me -- oh well. I'm the main person for whom I'm writing. And maybe I'll go out on some playdate with a guy in a couple weeks and look back on this journal entry and think "what was I doing?". We'll see.

Part of my thinking about this involves the question of pursuit. I don't necessarily want to go out and try to find a date. Like I"m not interested in mixing my sexual interests with my social interests. I don't want to go to a party, strike up a conversation, attempt to get a number, go out again and then maybe hookup or maybe not depending on how we like each other. I'm not looking to find someone to introduce to my friends or hang out with or sleep with or date. I have someone for that. And I have friends for the social stuff. I guess luckily gay men are perfect for this -- it should techinically be fairly easy to find a guy who just wants to fool around once or twice with no strings attached. But am I supposed to put out a personal ad? I think I'd almost feel more comfortable with that then trying to pick someone up in a bar. I can be more honest in a personal ad, I suppose. Hmmm. Maybe I should have taken advantage of those drunken gay boys at pride.....

And in further unrelated news, I think I"m buying a plane ticket today to see Melanie the weekend of July 20th and visit Cape Cod. woo-hoo!

I miss Wolo.