I had a little metaphor to state my case
Oct. 22nd, 2003 11:15 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
raybearThis morning Lowenstein said I seemed sad and slumpy. I mostly just felt foggy and sleepy. At some point the golden moment arrived when the caffeine kicked in, and I chatted nonstop animatedly for the entire train ride. After she got off, I bobbed my head to the music and nearly danced up the subway stairs.
The golden moment is over and I'm about to fall back asleep at my desk. Time for cup of coffee number two.
My doctor's appointment yesterday went quite well and I didn't inject myself, but they walked me through it slowly and I felt like I was doing it along with them. I also got a flu shot, which I've never received and was more interesting in that it induced a psychic moment with Lowenstein in the waiting room who felt a pinch in her left arm.
Last night most of my dreams were of the variety of recreating real-life but in a more extreme manner. The only part I remember is going through the doctor's visit again, when he injected my right thigh while instructing me, then handing me a syringe and telling me to take a turn and inject my left thigh. I was already to go when I stopped and said, "um, should I shoot saline or something rather than a double dose of testosterone?" He reluctantly agreed, like I was being some sort of needy demanding patient, but I could tell he was covering for his own bumble.
I've been trying a new meditation techinique, where you focus only on the out-breath, rather than both, to leave room for a pause. It's hard. Hard hard hard. But sort of addictive because I keep finding myself going back to it, even when I'm just sitting on the train or watching television.
Last night I had a nice phone chat with Tara aka geekgrrrl47 (who I adore but I'm not in love with, in case anyone reading this is wondering...) and after I hung up I thought "I always tell the most random stories and say the most random things to her." Though not as strange as when I'll talk to Shana and say things like "I was standing at the bus stop yesterday and briefly decided I might engage in a six month period of spiritually focused sexual abstinance", at which point she busts out laughing. She can get away with that isht though. I like having people around who just accept whatever idea I have going on in my head in the moment and are supportive but don't take me too seriously. Though I occasionally have conversations with people months (or years) later where they ask, "hey, whatever happened to....?" and I have to explain that I never followed through on that idea to open a bookstore in Logan Square or start a mail-order art sculpture/business (both of these were real).
Also last night I finished reading the first chapters of all the books by Antioch professors. There are some talented writers on that faculty, and I hope my idea doesn't backfire, because gddamn this one writer is so amazing and I'd love to have him mentor me but now I'm concerned that I'd be too intimidated because I like his stuff too much and/or I'd be overly influenced by his style. Also, I'm still waiting to hear back from Bennington which mostly just felt like an afterthought until I went to the website to see if they gave a timeline and saw that Rick Moody is on faculty there (author of The Ice Storm among others). So that made me care a little bit. But it's not good to base a school choice on one writer, which is sort of what I was doing with Warren Wilson since I applied during a major Richard Russo dick-riding phase. Luckily I passed out of that phase before I got the rejection letter, so it didn't smart as much. But Bennington is really just a footnote at this point.
Speaking of, I should go make those hotel reservations in Los Angeles....
The golden moment is over and I'm about to fall back asleep at my desk. Time for cup of coffee number two.
My doctor's appointment yesterday went quite well and I didn't inject myself, but they walked me through it slowly and I felt like I was doing it along with them. I also got a flu shot, which I've never received and was more interesting in that it induced a psychic moment with Lowenstein in the waiting room who felt a pinch in her left arm.
Last night most of my dreams were of the variety of recreating real-life but in a more extreme manner. The only part I remember is going through the doctor's visit again, when he injected my right thigh while instructing me, then handing me a syringe and telling me to take a turn and inject my left thigh. I was already to go when I stopped and said, "um, should I shoot saline or something rather than a double dose of testosterone?" He reluctantly agreed, like I was being some sort of needy demanding patient, but I could tell he was covering for his own bumble.
I've been trying a new meditation techinique, where you focus only on the out-breath, rather than both, to leave room for a pause. It's hard. Hard hard hard. But sort of addictive because I keep finding myself going back to it, even when I'm just sitting on the train or watching television.
Last night I had a nice phone chat with Tara aka geekgrrrl47 (who I adore but I'm not in love with, in case anyone reading this is wondering...) and after I hung up I thought "I always tell the most random stories and say the most random things to her." Though not as strange as when I'll talk to Shana and say things like "I was standing at the bus stop yesterday and briefly decided I might engage in a six month period of spiritually focused sexual abstinance", at which point she busts out laughing. She can get away with that isht though. I like having people around who just accept whatever idea I have going on in my head in the moment and are supportive but don't take me too seriously. Though I occasionally have conversations with people months (or years) later where they ask, "hey, whatever happened to....?" and I have to explain that I never followed through on that idea to open a bookstore in Logan Square or start a mail-order art sculpture/business (both of these were real).
Also last night I finished reading the first chapters of all the books by Antioch professors. There are some talented writers on that faculty, and I hope my idea doesn't backfire, because gddamn this one writer is so amazing and I'd love to have him mentor me but now I'm concerned that I'd be too intimidated because I like his stuff too much and/or I'd be overly influenced by his style. Also, I'm still waiting to hear back from Bennington which mostly just felt like an afterthought until I went to the website to see if they gave a timeline and saw that Rick Moody is on faculty there (author of The Ice Storm among others). So that made me care a little bit. But it's not good to base a school choice on one writer, which is sort of what I was doing with Warren Wilson since I applied during a major Richard Russo dick-riding phase. Luckily I passed out of that phase before I got the rejection letter, so it didn't smart as much. But Bennington is really just a footnote at this point.
Speaking of, I should go make those hotel reservations in Los Angeles....
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no subject
Date: 2003-10-22 04:21 pm (UTC)And I'm always on topic too because, you know, stories about my mom calling our next-door neighbors rotten on the inside was clearly relevant. Maybe we fuel each other's randomness? :)
p.s. Glad to know we cleared that whole love thing up, because I was contemplating returning the engagement ring you gave me ;)
no subject
Date: 2003-10-23 12:02 am (UTC)i laugh because i care, dude. really. and now i DO think of you when i see people doing butt crunches on tv.
send me photos for the office?