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raybearMy current mood can be summed up by Mintwaster's bio:
I am crabby. I probably hate you.
I have no reason for my mood. Or I should say, there might be a reason, but with me, the emotions come first and then the explanation later. But whatever, fuck that, why can't I just feel crappy for no discernible reason since there are times when I'm in a good mood with no reason?
It didn't actually start this morning, there were moments of it peaking out this weekend, like Friday night when I came home feverish and felt bitter towards everyone. Or Satruday morning when I nearly flew into a rage at ATT for delivering a phone they said I didn't order and I'm still having stupid dreams about my phone getting activated and it still hasn't happened yet.
I'm not all dark and venom, but I certainly am not chipper and it probably wasn't a good idea to wear my Ralphie t-shirt, because my intention was to wear something goofy and silly to deflect the scowl on my face, but I think it just ends up making me look more severe since the difference is so noticeable. The cranky clown.
This morning while getting dressed, I was looking at this stupid beanie baby version of Eeyore I somehow inherited a long time ago, possibly from Melro's former roommate and I haven't gotten around to giving it away as a gift or to some charitable organizaion and this morning I wanted to see something destroyed, so that was my target. No, I didn't do some weird movie shit where I hacked up a stuffed animal with a kitchen knife or sewing scissors -- instead I just fed it to the "jaws of death" known as Sophie. She's a big chewer -- she goes through rawhide like nobody's business and the only toys that last are industrialized rubber. Stuffed animals, plastic, even tennis balls got destroyed and digested in seconds. Well, maybe tennis balls take a couple hours, and she really only destroys the felt covering. I bought her a rope toy yesterday which she loved and it's already halfway done to being done. So anyway, Eeyore got his neck broken several times and his mane got mangy and torn before I took it away to save for later. Sophie was elated at the experience, which alleviated my guilt since I was not nice to her this morning either -- pushing her off the bed and away when she tried to lick or nuzzle. After I gave her Eeyore, it seemed all was forgiven and we gave each other a kiss before leaving the house.
Lately my target for ire has been clever people. Not people who are making me laugh, but more people who are trying to make me laugh. I can't really explain it well, which is probably just as well because it's excessively hypocritical and overreactive and I'm sure I shall get over it soon enough. I'm sure it's because often the people making me cranky are being sarcastic or humorously critical or dry and it's relfecting my own tendency to be negative, to look at everything at life with irony and be intelligently detached, and I'm just not in the mood. Probably because I feel pretty damn intelligently detached from my life right now and it fucking sucks.
Give me genuine feelings of elation. I swear, I almost want to go watch the movie Elf again because it was just so goofy and ridiculous and hilarious and stupid, but at least it felt honest.
This may seem counter to my behavior last night when I seemed intent on raining on the suburbanites' parade for liking Blue Man Group, but maybe it's more indicative of my elitist trappings. I don't know, it just seemed so contrived, with gross-out humor and clever stupid human tricks. I could never figure out what the point was of anything except this grand notion of "look what I can do!" with lots of money and clever art.
Deliver me from clever art.
Okay, maybe I will do a laundry list of things from the weekend, because aside from being sick for half of it, there were some good things that happened.
1. Seeing the movie Elf with Damon and MelRo
2. Reading all of Steve Martin's book "The Pleasure of My Own Company" which was surprisingly enjoyable and not too bad.
3. Buying thermal underwear at Target in colors other than "wheat"
4. The mid-day brunch meal I made on Sunday and ate with Lowenstein
5. Seeing Blue Man Group with Lowenstein even though we both thought it tedious because at least we were in agreement and we were able to crack jokes about it afterwards and be thankful of friends who work in theater because we would have really been cranky if the tickets weren't free.
6. Receiving nice messages from livejournal people who liked my surprise mailings
It's almost 10 am. I think it's time to leave the office again and take a walk.
I am crabby. I probably hate you.
I have no reason for my mood. Or I should say, there might be a reason, but with me, the emotions come first and then the explanation later. But whatever, fuck that, why can't I just feel crappy for no discernible reason since there are times when I'm in a good mood with no reason?
It didn't actually start this morning, there were moments of it peaking out this weekend, like Friday night when I came home feverish and felt bitter towards everyone. Or Satruday morning when I nearly flew into a rage at ATT for delivering a phone they said I didn't order and I'm still having stupid dreams about my phone getting activated and it still hasn't happened yet.
I'm not all dark and venom, but I certainly am not chipper and it probably wasn't a good idea to wear my Ralphie t-shirt, because my intention was to wear something goofy and silly to deflect the scowl on my face, but I think it just ends up making me look more severe since the difference is so noticeable. The cranky clown.
This morning while getting dressed, I was looking at this stupid beanie baby version of Eeyore I somehow inherited a long time ago, possibly from Melro's former roommate and I haven't gotten around to giving it away as a gift or to some charitable organizaion and this morning I wanted to see something destroyed, so that was my target. No, I didn't do some weird movie shit where I hacked up a stuffed animal with a kitchen knife or sewing scissors -- instead I just fed it to the "jaws of death" known as Sophie. She's a big chewer -- she goes through rawhide like nobody's business and the only toys that last are industrialized rubber. Stuffed animals, plastic, even tennis balls got destroyed and digested in seconds. Well, maybe tennis balls take a couple hours, and she really only destroys the felt covering. I bought her a rope toy yesterday which she loved and it's already halfway done to being done. So anyway, Eeyore got his neck broken several times and his mane got mangy and torn before I took it away to save for later. Sophie was elated at the experience, which alleviated my guilt since I was not nice to her this morning either -- pushing her off the bed and away when she tried to lick or nuzzle. After I gave her Eeyore, it seemed all was forgiven and we gave each other a kiss before leaving the house.
Lately my target for ire has been clever people. Not people who are making me laugh, but more people who are trying to make me laugh. I can't really explain it well, which is probably just as well because it's excessively hypocritical and overreactive and I'm sure I shall get over it soon enough. I'm sure it's because often the people making me cranky are being sarcastic or humorously critical or dry and it's relfecting my own tendency to be negative, to look at everything at life with irony and be intelligently detached, and I'm just not in the mood. Probably because I feel pretty damn intelligently detached from my life right now and it fucking sucks.
Give me genuine feelings of elation. I swear, I almost want to go watch the movie Elf again because it was just so goofy and ridiculous and hilarious and stupid, but at least it felt honest.
This may seem counter to my behavior last night when I seemed intent on raining on the suburbanites' parade for liking Blue Man Group, but maybe it's more indicative of my elitist trappings. I don't know, it just seemed so contrived, with gross-out humor and clever stupid human tricks. I could never figure out what the point was of anything except this grand notion of "look what I can do!" with lots of money and clever art.
Deliver me from clever art.
Okay, maybe I will do a laundry list of things from the weekend, because aside from being sick for half of it, there were some good things that happened.
1. Seeing the movie Elf with Damon and MelRo
2. Reading all of Steve Martin's book "The Pleasure of My Own Company" which was surprisingly enjoyable and not too bad.
3. Buying thermal underwear at Target in colors other than "wheat"
4. The mid-day brunch meal I made on Sunday and ate with Lowenstein
5. Seeing Blue Man Group with Lowenstein even though we both thought it tedious because at least we were in agreement and we were able to crack jokes about it afterwards and be thankful of friends who work in theater because we would have really been cranky if the tickets weren't free.
6. Receiving nice messages from livejournal people who liked my surprise mailings
It's almost 10 am. I think it's time to leave the office again and take a walk.
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Non related post
Date: 2003-11-17 09:06 am (UTC)There has recently been a number of spam posts etc there. I think you may have to remove annon postings and hopefully reduce this prob.