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raybearMy brain is overwhelming me with ridiculous self-help sayings that originate from honest attempts at psychological aid, in addition to parodies of such earnestness and even my own catalog of catch phrases (e.g. everything from Dr. Phil to Stuart Smalley to "put the lady down"). Mostly because I'm trying to talk myself out of what I'm feeling, which never really works. Better to just ride it out. And keep listening to contemporary gospel music. Yeah, I don't know either, but far be it from me to question what feels right in the moment.
Though sometimes it's amusing the level of inappropriate things one thinks in this stage, and by "one" I mean me. It's tempting to write them down and mail them to myself as a reminder, but of what? My journal is already filled with inane details, all the way to the brim with meaningless words, and I'm not trying to be self-deprecating, it's more about microcosm/macrocosm -- my pithy remarks on a book or conversation don't mean much in the grand scheme of not only my life but the universe in general. But I like having a record of the meaningless to supplement the record of the meaningful. Mostly because I never know which is which until it's all over. What part of today will I remember next week or next year? None of it? All of it? Kicking Sophie out of bed in my sleep, though being woken by up by the sound of her falling out of the bed and onto the trunk? Being scared awake again because a scrub brush fell into the tub and rattled around loudly at 7:45 am? The bitter cold and snow of what feels like the first real day of winter? Hashing out hurt feelings and missunderstandings with my partner over e-mail? The deja vu work conflict gossip between work staff? Or something else that will happen this evening?
Maybe only my new "gay jeans" will survive this day. Maybe after work I'll go back and buy a second pair because I'm anticipating wearing them everyday for the next month or so. Maybe there's no existential lesson for today.
Though sometimes it's amusing the level of inappropriate things one thinks in this stage, and by "one" I mean me. It's tempting to write them down and mail them to myself as a reminder, but of what? My journal is already filled with inane details, all the way to the brim with meaningless words, and I'm not trying to be self-deprecating, it's more about microcosm/macrocosm -- my pithy remarks on a book or conversation don't mean much in the grand scheme of not only my life but the universe in general. But I like having a record of the meaningless to supplement the record of the meaningful. Mostly because I never know which is which until it's all over. What part of today will I remember next week or next year? None of it? All of it? Kicking Sophie out of bed in my sleep, though being woken by up by the sound of her falling out of the bed and onto the trunk? Being scared awake again because a scrub brush fell into the tub and rattled around loudly at 7:45 am? The bitter cold and snow of what feels like the first real day of winter? Hashing out hurt feelings and missunderstandings with my partner over e-mail? The deja vu work conflict gossip between work staff? Or something else that will happen this evening?
Maybe only my new "gay jeans" will survive this day. Maybe after work I'll go back and buy a second pair because I'm anticipating wearing them everyday for the next month or so. Maybe there's no existential lesson for today.
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no subject
Date: 2003-11-24 02:43 pm (UTC)also, my pal paul told me that he randomly emailed you last week. so forward! he's a big music guy, too, and you'd probably get along famously. just wanted to drop you a line about him, in case you were worried he was a stalker.
no subject
Date: 2003-11-24 02:59 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-11-24 02:47 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-11-24 02:57 pm (UTC)unfortunately i got them on the sale rack at old navy and they only had one pair in my size. maybe the online store though....
TNR
Date: 2003-11-24 03:04 pm (UTC)I'm going to be in Chicago next week (all week) recruiting. Hope we can meet up? I get in on the 1st, spend the 2nd in Madison, and am back in Chicago from the 3rd - 7th. I've got plans Saturday night, but would love to see you at some point if you're around. It's been too long - I may tackle you.
Re: TNR
Date: 2003-11-25 08:40 am (UTC)Re: TNR
Date: 2003-11-25 08:55 am (UTC)I had the number in my old phone, but was bad about transferring the numbers over.
I'm so excited!!!!!